This is a beautifully written book that is ultimately sensitive and perceptive about the cloistered life. Yet, as much as it *is* about a nun, it is not. Salzman lets the universal truths of our humanity blossom throughout the book, without being preachy or cliché. Sister John of the Cross's waking dreams are the key not just for the protagonist, but for the reader as well. The end did seem to be abrupt, in terms of narrative flow, but it is one instance where the lack of conclusion seemed apt. A good read for anyone who is devoted to a passion and has crafted a life around that passion. ( )

Protagonist Sister John of the Cross is a Carmelite nun living in a convent near Los Angeles. In 1982, she has been there for thirteen years and is going through a “spiritual desert.” She then starts experiencing a vast period of creativity, writing poetry for hours at night, and publishing a book on the contemplative life. This is a period of spiritual awakening. Sister John believes these new visions and out of body sensations are a consequence of her faith.

As she pours water into a bowl, ‘‘The motion of the water as it spiraled toward the basin triggered a spell of vertigo. It was a welcome sensation; she experienced it as rising from within, as if her spirit could no longer be contained by her body.’’

This is an unusual novel that looks at the relationship between the sense of self, mind, and soul. It explores the relationship between the spiritual self and neural functioning of the brain, as she is eventually diagnosed with a neurological condition. She must then decide whether or not to treat this condition medically, and if she does, whether she risks becoming another person entirely from the person she believes herself to be. She does not want to let go of her mystical experiences, and her creative writing, which she sees as giving meaning to her life.

‘‘I can’t bear the thought of going back to where I was before. I prayed and scrubbed and went through the motions with no feeling of love, only a will to keep busy. If the surgery were to take my dream away, everything I’ve gone through up to now would seem meaningless. I wouldn’t even be able to draw inspiration from the memory of it.’’

She consults a doctor and a priest, but neither is particularly sensitive to her dilemma. It is important to note that Sister John of the Cross decided upon this name after the Spanish mystic and poet, Saint John of the Cross, author of the poem ‘‘Dark Night of the Soul.’ Sister John must navigate her own “dark night” as she decides whether or not to go down the medical path.

From reading psychology, I understand that this is a very real problem for many individuals. Inner life and imagination can be released through many outside influences, including disease and neurological dysfunction. The person’s sense of the self is intimately involved, and it is difficult to separate what is internally originated versus externally imposed. They may resist being “cured.”

This short novel engages readers in exploring the spiritual dimensions of the self. The author has brilliantly illustrated Sister John’s desires, doubts, fears, and internal struggles. It depicts monastic life in a much more realistic manner than some I have read recently. I do not think one needs to be a follower of religion to appreciate this book and empathize with Sister John. I found it extremely thought-provoking. I am stopping now before I write a review that is longer than the book!

( )

Lying Awake. Mark Salzman. 2000. A beautiful novel! Sister John of the Cross has lived in a small Carmelite monastery for years doing as all the other nuns do: following the rule, praying, and working. Her prayer light takes on new meaning when she begins to have incredible visions of God filled with ethereal colors and light. These visions enhance her prayer life beyond measure and allowed her to be more giving to her sisters, but they are accompanied by intense headaches. Her mother superior insists that she see a doctor. After numerous tests, the doctor informs her that she may have a form of epilepsy and should have surgery immediately. Sister John begins to question her visions and wonder if the visions are caused by the epilepsy rather than God’s grace. What will it mean to her if she has the surgery and the visions stop? I don’t think I have ever read a book that shows the daily life of a cloistered nun as well as this one does. ( )

Fairly short read by one of my favorite authors. ( )

Mark Salzman's LYING AWAKE is a short but compelling novel about life inside a contemplative order of nuns in Los Angeles. It's "heroine" is Sister John of the Cross, formerly Helen Nye, of Steubenville, Ohio, abandoned by her alcoholic mother, raised by her grandparents, and deeply influenced as an adolescent by a charismatic nun-teacher. Sister John's background is revealed gradually, as we learn of visionary migraine "spells" she has, now twenty years a nun, resulting in in episodes of writing - poetry and essays - which become important sources of income for her convent and Carmelite order. Medical tests find her "condition" can be "cured" by an operation, and therein lies the crux of Sister John's story. The stories of various saints are woven into her story, an element that will appeal perhaps to the more devout or knowledgeable.

I was quickly caught up in this slim, tightly constructed little novel and finished it in just a couple of sittings. It brought to mind, of course, Ron Hansen's fine novel, MARIETTE IN ECSTASY. Mark Salzman is a good writer and this is a compelling and absorbing read. I will recommend it highly, especially for Catholics.

- Tim Bazzett, author of the memoir, BOOKLOVER ( )