More of a motivational book than a step-by-step guide, Gary Klaben scatters a series of anecdotes and stories to emphasize his tenet that we must transform our relationships with people and money. I agree with an earlier review that Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin’s 1992 classic "Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence," is a more detailed treatment of transforming your relationship with money. ( )

For my money (pun intended), I didn’t find "Changing the Conversation: Transformational Steps to Financial and Family Well-Being" particularly “transformational.” Klaben has a nice, lucid, conversational style, but overall the book seldom seems to coalesce into a unified message beyond the sum of its parts, a collection of feel-good homilies, some armchair psychology, and an apparent yearning for a “simpler” more “connected” time when you could really trust in the wisdom of your financial advisor (a time which may or may not have ever actually existed). As a non-American reader, I also find a great deal of Klaben’s message undercut by an omni-present “We’re Number One” jingoism.

For someone who is truly interested in changing their conversation about financial and family well being, a better selection might very well be Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin’s 1992 classic "Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence," a book that seems oddly missing from Klaben’s bibliography given the close connection in theme and message between the two books. Granted Dominguez and Robin focus more on the individual per se, and less about trying to project a sense of financial savvy forward to ensure the maintenance of intra-generational wealth, but other than advising us that we have to somehow inoculate families against the threat of moving from “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves” within three generations, Klaben generally offers little in the way of specific DIY advice on the topic.

I did, however, appreciate one of Klaben’s related, underlying themes throughout the book, the proposition that there has to be some happy medium between holding onto one's money in a vice-like death-grip, and actually using some of it to generate non-financial rewards: “Reflecting now, my grandparents could have spent some of their principal on trips with their children and grandchildren, perhaps imparting more wisdom along the way. Instead, they stayed at home and saved—‘for a rainy day.’ There are many things they could have done with at least a portion of their savings, which would have further enriched their lives while also strengthening their legacies. Now I’m not suggesting one should start spending money willy-nilly—perish the though! But you should consider what it is you are holding onto so tightly” (Klaben, p. 215).

Another discussion I found particularly engaging (again, for me, because it focused on developing specific strategies rather than simply descending into general rumination) outlined the importance of arming children with a sense of economic literacy, a topic which Klaben reviews in some detail in a chapter entitled “Financial Awareness.” I think he’s right on the mark with this chapter. These days, most of us don’t seem to be doing a very good job teaching our kids the financial basics they need to prosper—or even to stay reasonably out of debt, for that matter. It seems fairly defensible, I would argue, that much of the responsibility for the latest world-wide financial meltdown—the general immorality and greed of Wall Street and the tendency for poorly regulated market economies to generate ongoing rhythms of boom and bust notwithstanding—can actually be attributed to millions of us on Main Street who, like our own kids, have been poorly coached by a previous generation(s) who either didn’t want to burden us with the heavy weight of economic reality, or perhaps hadn’t even had the the chance to learn such hard lessons for themselves in the first place. (But that’s probably just passing the buck—OK, that’s my last money pun, I promise. Living in the First World, the Developed World, simply trains us, and then continually reinforces that training, to want too much.) In any case, Klaben seems to have some fun with this chapter and if you’re at all curious why “capitating” your kids is actually good for them, you should take a look.

When all is said and done, Klaben’s writing is quite accessible, and, if you’re interested in a little bit homespun personal finance chit chat, you may very well enjoy this book. The problem, for me, was simply that the book just didn’t seem live up to the promise of the title. It’s a stretch to posit that the book holds the key to any significant paradigm shift regarding our individual or collective conversation about money matters and/or family well-being. It might be closer to the truth to suggest that it’s a work that could light a spark that might stimulate an urge to start thinking about a concept that may eventually lead to such a transformation. “Transformation Lite,” anyone? ( )

I don’t usually review books about financial planning or money management because this isn’t the type of book I seek out. However, when Rebecca from The Cadence Group asked me if was interested in reviewing Gary Klaben’s Changing the Conversation, she shared the following descriptions of the book:

"Through a series of chapter “conversations” about client dysfunctions and challenges encountered over 25 years, author and financial advisor Gary Klaben seeks to stimulate a new kind of conversation. Time and time again, people have watched helplessly as the family wealth-destruction cycle has gone from “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves” in three generations. His book, Changing the Conversation, seeks to empower readers to begin a journey of self-discovery in order to become masters of money, not slaves to it. In Changing the Conversation, Klaben emphasizes a major shift in the way businesses and individuals speak of financial planning and money. The topics of meaning, values and purpose must be brought to the forefront to be able to contend with the economics, demographics and social framework of today’s America. This how-to guide to financial management with its many conversations about what really matters shows readers a new way to think, prioritize and act and is thus a wonderful addition to the shelves of businesses and families alike."

After reading these descriptions, I thought “Well, the economy is kind of mess right now, and I know I could sure use some guidance in managing our money better so maybe I should check this out.” I’m sure many of you have been experiencing some economic pain or uncertainty in the last few years. In fact, I know very few people who haven’t been directly affected by layoffs, job uncertainty, unemployment or financial difficulties lately. So this book seemed timely and relevant. When I received the book, both the subtitle, “Transformational Steps to Financial and Family Well-Being,” and the cover blurb by Douglas R. Andrew—”Finally! A roadmap for securing personal and financial prosperity over time.”—caught my eye. Prepared to find some useful information, I settled in to read.

I’m sorry to report that, 283 pages later, this book was not quite what I was seeking. Although I think the author’s heart is in the right place, his message felt simplistic and repetitive, and I didn’t find much useful financial information or guidance. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a financial expert or have any great interest in the field; that is why I read the book in the first place. However, the book felt more like a self-help book than a financial planning book. There was a big emphasis on why we need to change our attitudes toward money and place more emphasis on family, long-term relationships and personal happiness. Although I agree with this concept, it wasn’t the type of advice I was expecting.

Klaben shares many stories from his years as a financial planner and his personal life, and I think that his holistic approach to money management is to be admired. I know I would prefer a money manager who looked at my needs on a personal as well as a financial level. However, I was seeking practical advice rather than a philosophical approach to thinking about money. So, in the end, I think that was why I was so disappointed in the book. I also struggled with Klaben’s writing style, which felt choppy and fragmented. In addition, he had a flexible approach to punctuation and capitalization that I found very distracting. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know I’m a big fan of the em dash (—). Klaben seems to be a big fan too, but his use seemed bizarre to me. Consider these two sentences, which have some of the oddest structure I’ve ever seen.

These are all necessary and important tasks but fall into the busywork category. —Nothing exciting or stimulating here.

The Dan Sullivan Question stumps most people. —Because it asks them to envision of picture of their future.

I’m not usually one to harp on stuff like this. However, in this case, I found his sentence structures so distracting that I started paying more attention to the misuse of my beloved em dash than Klaben’s message.

My Final Recommendation

If you’re looking for a practical, understandable guide to help you manage your family’s finances, look elsewhere. This book focuses much more on the philosophical musings of a long-time financial planner who would like to see people focus on their personal growth, happiness and relationships as well as their financial well-being. In the end, I think the point of “changing the conversation” is a message from Gary Klaben to his financial planning peers that they should not forget to look at their clients as real people. Although readers might find nuggets of wisdom that might help them adjust their attitude toward money, they won’t find straightforward advice on managing money. ( )

I started reading Changing the Conversation: Transformational Steps to Financial and Family Well-Being thinking it would be just another financial advice guide, filled with tips on whether to Roth IRA or not. To my surprise, there's very little discussion of interest rates, but oodles of wisdom about the financial state of our country, long-term financial planning, frank money conversations we need to have, and a roadmap geared towards setting a foundation for personal well-being.

Gary Klaben shares a lifetime of personal insight and wisdom gained through practical experience and his indepth understanding of the financial sector. His holistic approach, incorporating the "big picture" of life and family dynamics is refreshing and enlightening.

The chapters are compelling, full of "ah hah's" and incredibly thought provoking. After reading each one, you'll gain new insights and will find yourself assessing and adjusting your own financial big picture. Of particular interest to me were the segments on how to handle finance subjects with children and how to instill healthy financial habits.

Overall, a very enjoyable read, chock full of sage advice from a thoughtfull, well-versed expert. ( )

The anecdotes in this book suggest that Gary Klaben is a really interesting guy with a lot of varied life experiences. I'd really rather be reading his memoirs.

Klaben has some interesting ideas here, but not enough of them to fill almost 300 pages. His discussion of how he taught his children to manage money was fascinating, but I suspect parents will wish he'd gone into more detail. His comments on time management, motivation, and life management are helpful, but largely the same as what I've read, in more concise form, elsewhere.

The writing style also leaves much to be desired--Klaben spends much of his time writing in sound bites. A good editor would have helped here, and in exhuming the quick, punchy, and helpful 100-page book buried herein. ( )