Troubletwisters by Garth Nix (reviewed by readafew)

OK here's one to be helped. It just seems flat. What's missing?

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Troubletwisters is the start of a new series by Garth Nix and Sean Williams. When the book opens up we meet Jaide and Jack Shield 12 year old twins eagerly awaiting the arrival of their father for their birthday, who is late (as usual). We get several hints that something strange is going to happen and we aren’t disappointed. Shortly after their father arrives the house gets blown up. This forces the family to go move in with Grandma X, and even more weird stuff begins to happen, being attacked by swarms of bugs is just the beginning.

I thought this was a very good read. Even though it is focused toward middle-school aged kids, I think it was written well enough that most adults who like fantasy will enjoy it as well. The story flowed well and it kept moving right along. I had a little trouble following some of the jumps in the decision making process of the twins a couple times and there is a lot of explanation that never happens but it’s a lot of fun overall.

Hmm... the review is okay. I think maybe it is a little too short/light on plot details. It is good enough without expanding it, but I think that is why it feels flat.

The second sentence is perfectly legible. But it feels like a run-on. What about sticking a period in after 'birthday' and making He is late (as usual) a new sentence? (Had to make 'who' 'he' for that to work...)

Thanks. A little better?

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Troubletwisters is the start of a new series by Garth Nix and Sean Williams. When the book opens up we meet Jaide and Jack Shield 12 year old twins eagerly awaiting the arrival of their father for their birthday. He is late (as usual). We get several hints that something strange is going to happen and we aren’t disappointed. Shortly after their father arrives the house gets blown up. This forces the family to go move in with Grandma X, who the twins have never met. Their dad wasn't able to come and shortly after arriving their mother has to leave for 3 days for work. Grandma X is a strange old lady who takes them around town looking at odd landmarks. Even more weird stuff begins to happen, being attacked by swarms of bugs is just the beginning. Something bad is after the twins and they don't know who to trust, or who to turn to.

I thought this was a very good read. Even though it is focused toward middle-school aged kids, I think it was written well enough that most adults who like fantasy will enjoy it as well. The story flowed well and it kept moving right along. I had a little trouble following some of the jumps in the decision making process of the twins a couple times and there is a lot of explanation that never happens but it’s a lot of fun overall.

Thank you.

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Troubletwisters is the start of a new series by Garth Nix and Sean Williams. When the book opens up we meet Jaide and Jack Shield, 12 year old twins eagerly awaiting the arrival of their father for their birthday. He is late (as usual). We get several hints that something strange is going to happen and we aren’t disappointed. Shortly after their father arrives the house gets blown up. This forces the family to move in with Grandma X, who the twins have never met. Their dad wasn't able to come and shortly after arriving their mother has to leave for 3 days for work. Grandma X is a strange old lady who takes them around town looking at odd landmarks. Even more weird stuff begins to happen, being attacked by swarms of bugs is just the beginning. Something bad is after the twins and they don't know who to trust, or who to turn to.

I thought this was a very good read. Even though it is focused toward middle-school aged kids, I think it was written well enough that most adults who like fantasy will enjoy it as well. The story flowed well and it kept moving right along. I had a little trouble following some of the jumps in the decision making process of the twins a couple times and there is a lot of explanation that never happens but it’s a lot of fun overall.

I like the additions and improvements.

One sentence reads odd to me: ...there is a lot of explanation that never happens... I'm pretty sure you meant a lot of stuff is left unexplained, right?

Works for me. Since this is a YA book I'll go with that one.

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Troubletwisters is the start of a new series by Garth Nix and Sean Williams. When the book opens up we meet Jaide and Jack Shield, 12 year old twins eagerly awaiting the arrival of their father for their birthday. He is late (as usual). We get several hints that something strange is going to happen and we aren’t disappointed. Shortly after their father arrives the house gets blown up. This forces the family to move in with Grandma X, who the twins have never met. Their dad wasn't able to come and shortly after arriving their mother has to leave for 3 days for work. Grandma X is a strange old lady who takes them around town looking at odd landmarks. Even more weird stuff begins to happen, being attacked by swarms of bugs is just the beginning. Something bad is after the twins and they don't know who to trust or who to turn to.

I thought this was a very good read. Even though it is focused toward middle-school aged kids, I think it was written well enough that most adults who like fantasy will enjoy it as well. The story flowed well and it kept moving right along. I had a little trouble following some of the jumps in the decision making process of the twins a couple times and there is a lot of stuff left unexplained but it’s a lot of fun overall.

A few suggestions for your first paragraph:

Possible rewrite for your intro
Troubletwisters is the first book of a new series by Garth Nix and Sean Williams. The story begins on the birthday of 12-year old twins Jaide and Jack Shield as they eagerly await the arrival of their father who, as usual, is late.

Add comma: Shortly after their father arrives, the house...

Remove comma: with Grandma X who (whom would be better)

Remove comma: don’t know who to trust or who to turn to.

I have to mostly disagree with #8: Jenni_Canuck. The suggestion for the first para is not bad, but readafew's version is OK. The suggested comma is not wrong, but not compulsory. The comma after Grandma X is necessary, and although whom is grammatically acceptable as the object of met, it is not compulsory, does not comply with current convention, and certainly does not fit readafew's style.

For an introductory phrase which precedes the main clause, a comma is generally not considered necessary if the introductory phrase is fewer than four words. Where an introductory phrase is more than four words, a comma helps maintain clarity.

The comma after Grandma X is only necessary if the relative subordinate clause which follows is considered non-essential. In my reading of the sentence, who the twins have never met provides important information about Grandma X making it an essential relative clause which should not be separated from the main clause by a comma.

I suggested whom as an option to be used or not as readafew saw fit as is the case with all the suggestions offered in this thread.

edited to clarify main vs. relative clause