David Thomas (15)Reseñas

57004

I appreciated the authors insights and the break down by age with practical application.

Some good ideas and advice, but some of it was silly, and a lot of the discussions seemed relevant to both boys and girls, not specific to boys.

What are your intentions as a parent? Rearing up a child is not something that just happens. It is hard work and without some thoughtfulness you will never take steps to raise your kids right. Counselors Sissy Goff, David Thomas and Melissa Trevathan have walked with a number of families through their ministry, Daystar Counseling in Nashville, Tennessee. They know that good parents are mindful about what they want their children to become, but they also are attentive about being the sort of parents who can provide nurture and consistency, model spiritual health, and take responsibility for their family. In Intentional Parenting they offer their insights on how we can be better parents.


Goff, Thomas and Trevathan take turns writing each of the twelve chapters of the book which are designed to encourage parents to attend to what parenting does. They challenge parents to be intentional, patient, grown-up, balanced, consistent, playful, connected, encouraging, spiritual, merciful, and hopeful. If this seems like hard work and pressure, the final chapter dispels the notion: “Being a Free Parent.” In that chapter, Trevathan avers that our experience of God’s grace is what sets us free to parent our children and trust God with the results.

Too many parenting books tell you how to get your kids to behave or succeed. That isn’t really the focus of this book, (though they’re not urging us to turn out ill-behaving failures either). Instead their book focuses on what God does in and through us as parents. In the opening chapter (“Being an Intentional Parent”), Thomas argues that parenting has more to do with our own growth than our ability to turn out good, productive children:

If we are willing to consider that God designed parenting more for our own sanctification and transformation than to shape our children’s lives, we open ourselves up to movement, growth, and maturity. If we consider that God designed parenting as a place where men and women could come to ask hard questions, engage deep heartache, and find renewed hope–a place where people can grow in the range and richness of new possibility in their lives–then there is much room for maturity of heart (p.10)

What follows in this book is an explication of this point. Each author, in turn, challenges us to be the parents we long to be. If we are to parent well, we will need to grow in patience, because let’s face it, our kids are slow and the act of parenting does not feel very efficient. Being a ‘grown-up’ parent means that to parent well, you will have to face your past and the things that shaped you as a child (and parent). And yes balance and consistency will need to be cultivated to do it well. But ultimately the glory of parenting is when you get to pass on joy, hope and freedom to each child. If I have a well behaved child, but my parenting style impedes my kid understanding God’s grace, I failed as a parent (and a human being!).

This book is full of challenging advice from some seasoned counselors. But it is not preachy. Goff, Thomas and Trevathan are excited about what parenting does in us as we seek to love and nurture our children. Their excitement is infectious. I give this book 4 stars!

Thank you to Thomas Nelson for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for this review through BookSneeze.

This book is fine- it does have some good advice but from what I've read, the majority of it applies equally to parenting girls or boys. I will pick it up again when my sons are older to see if it is more helpful at that time.

"Wild Things" is a fabulous manual for rearing boys. Authors James and Thomas first explain the fives stages of a boy's development, and then detail how parents can help their sons grown through these stages to become strong, confident, capable men. Each section is replete with examples of how a boy may act in each stage as well as with suggestions for helping deal with some of the issues that may arise. The authors do not shy away from the tougher issues of pornography, drugs, homosexuality, depression, learning disabilities, and other issues that may arise during the growing up years. They offer both good advice and practical tips for dealing with each issue.

Of particular importance, they deal with the necessity of teaching boys to appropriately identify and express their emotions, as well as ensuring that teachings and reassurance of the parent's committed love for the boy reaches the child's heart. They offer specific insights into the crucial relationships between a boy and his mother and between a boy and his father, as well as strategies for maximizing and strengthening each relationship.

"Wild Things" celebrates all that makes boys special and unique. It presents adults with insights into what motivates and moves boys, and it provides practical, well-researched advice for helping boys grow into strong, stable, capable men.

Overall, an excellent primer on raising boys. I have two of them, 12 and 3 and I have already found some helpful stuff from this book. It has also helped my wife to better understand how our boys (and males, in general) think.

This isn't one of those books that you sit down and read cover to cover, it's a reference manual that you find yourself going back to every few months.

I've found it useful not only in dealing with my 3-year-old son, but also with my husband, similar to the book "You Just Don't Understand" which is about the different ways men and women see things.

Note: This book is by Christian authors from a Christian perspective; however, it is good enough overall to overlook such references if you're not Christian.

I have a girl and a boy and there's no doubt that there is a marked difference between the sexes. This book has helped me understand the mind of my boy; how he thinks and why his brain follows thought processes that sometimes seem to be so so impulsive and random to me at times.

James and Thomas break a boy's path from baby to adult into 5 stages. Then they break each stage of development into parts: The Way of a Boy, The Mind of a Boy, and The Heart of a Boy. Specific examples are given for situations you will encounter in each stage, followed by suggestions for responses that help boys understand themselves as well as guiding them towards behaviors that will aid them into becoming the young men we, as parents, hope they will. Finally, each chapter ends with a section on putting everything discussed into practice with your particular boy in your particular case.

This book will help the parent of any boy celebrate their sons and their unique qualities instead of being frustrated by it!

This book wasn't really for me. Which isn't to say that it's not well researched, well intentioned or well written. It just wasn't my sort of thing. I'm about to have my first baby, and he's a boy, so perhaps I'm not quite the intended audience. I also didn't realize I was receiving a book with Christian parenting advice, either. Had I realized that from the get go, I would have known it wasn't for me. It was generally subtle, but just having the slight Christian overtones was enough. I also realized that in the "nature vs. nurture" continuum, my own understanding of human beings slides much more to the side of "nurture" than it seems to do for the authors of this book. Still, it was not without it's moments. I laughed out loud at the description of how best to give directions to young boys....namely, using as few words as possible. My husband has told me the exact same thing about how he'd like me to let him know when I'd like HIM to do something. So, I wish the authors well, and hope readers value the book, but I won't be purchasing any copies for friends or families.

In the classic children’s story Where the Wild Things Are, little Max goes through the life journey of a boy in one night. In this book, authors Steven James and David Thomas describe the steps a parent must take to help nurture a son into the best man his nature allows him to be. They follow the general path all boys take from Wanderer toddler to Warrior man, giving mothers, fathers, and caregivers suggestions on what will probably happen, good ways to respond, and lots of “This too shall pass” assurances.
These family therapists draw heavily on the “Love and Logic” parenting camp and rely heavily on anecdotal evidence for their work. Though they are Christian therapists, anyone who has some kind of religious belief can draw good suggestions from their writings (atheists, you’ll just have to skip over any mentions of God-the book is helpful enough to do so). They are somewhat understanding in discussing homosexuality, but for the most part, eschew the topic. With that, their discussions of masturbation and pornography, I’m sure there are plenty of people who will dislike this book, either because they are too conservative or too liberal. I think for a general parenting book, they struck a good balance. But, they also make so many points throughout the book to take what works for your son and ignore what doesn’t, it doesn’t feel like any of their suggestions on these topics need to be followed like dictates anyways.
Their descriptions of how boys act are general enough for me to see both my 5 year old autistic son in their descriptions, and my boyfriend’s normal 7 year old. But these general descriptions are also specific enough for me to find good suggestions for interacting with both boys.
I was appreciative of their chapter on boys and their mothers. It is rare that I read something for mothers that I consider that understanding and honest without being insulting or reprimanding.
Recommended for parents (foster parents, step parents-whatever) of boys, teachers, and daycare providers.½

I received this ER book in January, and have been slowly making my way through it ever since. In the interests of full disclosure, I am reading this book not as a parent but as a school psychologist with 30 years of experience in working with boys from preschool through age 13. This book is by two men who are both experienced counselors and fathers, on the topic of raising boys.

It took me a long while to get into this book, reading it as I typically do nonfiction, a section of a chapter a night several nights a week. I feared at first it would be one of those pop culture type books, a fear nourished by the cute little labels the authors placed on the different developmental stages. I found it slow going through the first third of the book, when the authors were describing the various developmental stages. Looking back, I think this was because of my familiarity with this information--which would not necessarily be the case with a parent reading this.

When the authors started Part 2: The Mind of a Boy, I perked up. This is my area of expertise, after all. And it was outstanding! The identification of common errors made in dealing with boys and strategies in working with them in brain-compatible ways on top of the descriptions (highly accurate) along with specific mini-sections dealing with major issues raised this book well above the average parenting book.

When I reached Part 3: The Heart of a Boy, I had difficulty putting the book down. I have powered through this section in the last three days! The insight, the specific examples, and the strategies and game plan for nurturing boys to emotionally healthy men are simply outstanding. I now plan to order this book for both of my nephews and their wives because I value its advice for raising their young boys (one age 5, one still in utero) so highly. I also have found rich ideas for strengthening my own counseling interactions with boys in my schools.

Two caveats: 1) the current formatting of the book as an ARC: the inserts about specific problem areas broke into the flow of the chapter text and were hard to read because of the different font. Hopefully, this will be addressed in the final published edition.
2) In the final chapter of the book, "Rituals, Ceremonies, and Rites of Passage", where the authors talk about ways of integrating our boys into the larger society, they make explicit their spiritual connection to God as part of this. If you are an atheist, this may be an issue for you, but it only impacts this chapter and not the many great chapters before it. If you are a member of a religion or agnostic, you will have no difficulty, and indeed, much benefit in incorporating this dimension into your parenting.

Of all the parenting books I have read over the years, and there have been many, this book is simply outstanding and receives my highest rating of 5 stars. I cannot recommend it enough to the parents of boys both for its insights and its suggestions.

I was very excited to recieve this book as an Early Reviwer. I am the mother of a 15 month old son and was very interested to see what the writers had to say about raising boys. I was a bit disappointed. Although there were plenty of cute stories, and moments that made me chuckle, I found the book lacking in any real, usable information. It felt very generic to me. I was hoping for some real incite into the mind of my son, and instead received anecdotes. The 'I (Stephen)' use throughout the book made reading difficult and I found myself struggling to continue reading, as it was a bit boring. Great premise, but doesn't live up to expectations.

The authors of “Wild Things: the Art of Nurturing Boys” start with an excellent premise. They propose that trying to make a boy something he’s not (namely, quiet and calm all the time) is not good parenting, and that parents instead should nurture their sons’ nature. Unfortunately they don’t follow through very well.
The section on the make-up of a boy’s brain was obviously researched on the internet, which does not inspire much confidence. The spiritual portions are not back up by sufficiently by theological references, either. What they do say is said vaguely, with gimmicky references to pop culture, and is repeated often. Also, the authors refer to themselves as “I (David)” and “I (Stephen).” The gratuitous use of first-person parentheses breaks the pace of their writing and detracts from the message they are trying to convey.
At the end of the day, the authors obviously mean well and care deeply about their own sons and the sons of others, and there is value in that. If you want to be told that making your kid watch A Christmas Story over and over again and taking him hunting makes you a good parent, then read this book. If you’re interested in more insightful and balanced advice, look elsewhere.

Early Reviewers

Oh my. I LOVE this book. I repeat, LOVE. Receiving this book for free from the Early Reviewer program was like a little gift from God. This is one of the best parenting books I have ever read. So much wonderful information and advice. Sometimes I felt like the authors knew my son personally and had written the book solely for my benefit. Great book for ANYONE. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. There may be some information that not everybody will agree on (I came across a few things myself) but, all in all, it is quite educational.

Raising Cain is the classic in this field. I would recommend it first. This just struck the wrong chord with me.

As a mother who has only one son, I can appreciate this book. It gave me some helpful insight into the inner-workings of the boy mind and some valuable tips on how to handle him. My boy is 2 years old and definitely has some "wild thing" moments but this book gave me an idea on what is going on in his head. It also gave me useful tips like, when he makes a mess, making sure to use tactical as well as verbal contact when directing him to clean it up. It also gave me an idea of what to look forward to next.

This book was great- entertaining, informative, and a quick read. After reading some of the other reviews, I really feel that I should emphasize that, as with all books, you can get whatever you want out of this one. You might not agree with all of the author's viewpoints, but as their observations are based on research and their own experience, I find their suggestions to be valid. Yes, some of the book is their opinion- even if you don't agree with it, that doesn't mean that you can't get something out of this book too.

Initially, I felt a little guilty about even requesting it- I don't have any children, but if family history and genetics holds out, my future husband and I will probably have a lot of boys....so I thought, why not be prepared? But the authors put my mind at ease by saying from the beginning, that this book was not just intended for parents, but also for coaches, teachers, etc.- and since I am a teacher, I felt a little better.

The book alternated between biology and psychology, as it analyzed the emotional and physical stages of growth of boys (birth to about age 21). For someone who grew up without brothers and doesn't have children, parts of the book were laugh-out-loud funny, namely the descriptions of the antics of toddler and elementary-school aged boys.

The authors did write through a religious lens, which did not seem overt to me, and was appreciated from my perspective- emphasizing the importance of fathers being spiritual as well as physical and emotional family leaders.

I zoomed through the book pretty quickly, but I think it will be a keeper, and some parts of it would do with a re-reading, especially when/if I have need of it!

Yikes, books like these remind me why I am an athiest. While the book is filled with lots of cute and relateable references to movies and TV shows, it could have been written by the president of the National Rifle Association. The authors try and show us how young boys grow and mature and how we can help them along this journey. Now, this is listed as a Christian book, so I was not shocked at all the references to god, but I am an athiest so anytime you base your premise on the existence of a fictional character you are going to lose me. Many alarming things were mentioned: Pornography is evil, masturbation ruins your sex life, homosexuality "might" be wrong to name a few. But the worst was saved for the end, when a few of the tips they suggest to bond with your teenage son were to buy him a pocketknife and go shoot a gun with him. An actual quote from this section was "Nothing says power like firing a weapon." Hmm. Actually I would say that nothing is more dangerous than a religious nutjob with a weapon who thinks that the afterlife is the ultimate goal. Churchies should love this book, those of us with logic and common sense should make sure to avoid it.½

Although I don't have any boys of my own I thought "Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys" by Stephen James and David Thomas sounded interesting. I am glad I read it. The book is full of wonderful stories and I was frequently chuckling or laughing while reading. I learned a great deal about myself. The book is divided into three parts: The way of the boy; the mind of the boy; and the heart of the boy. Boys proceed through five distinct stages on the way to manhood: Explorer, Lover, Individual, Wanderer, and Warrior although they normally retain traits of the earlier stages. The writer's Christian background and influence is apparent (and admitted), which I appreciated, although not to a degree that would deter readers with differing religious beliefs. The authors did a wonderful job discussing difficult and potentially controversial issues while allowing for difference of belief among the readers. I greatly enjoyed the book and will be passing it around to others.

I have not yet finished this book. I got it through the early reviewers group and so far it's pretty good. I'll update this after I finish it.

So far, it take a pretty good Christian stand. Although, they don't seem to agree with "spare the rod, and spoil the child."

A couple of paragraphs read like an advertisement for getting counseling for your kids.

It does, however, do a really good job at pointing out the differences between raising boys and girls. And it has some great stories from the lives of the authors that really bring their message home.

Like I said, when I finish it, I'll write more.

My buddy Glen Robinson challenged me to read this book with him and I am super-glad that I did! In the last two weeks, reading this book off and on, I’ve learned more about fathering than I think I’ve learned in my lifetime.

Sure I’ve learned a TON about fathering from watching my own father, but some of the Spiritual implications about fathering, and some of the practical fathering tips about becoming a new father were outlined in this book very well.

Each chapter is followed by a couple paragraphs of “practical” new-fathering tips - very useful, I’m sure to a new or soon-to-become father.

I’ve learned enough reading this book to be even MORE excited about one day being a father!

One of my favorite quotes, “Parenthood is a dimly lit, rough path with many rocks along the trail. If you are living in it well, you will never full feel competent, confident, or secure.”

To read that and STILL be excited about parenting, something must definitely be wrong with me, huh?!

Not that I'm planning on becoming one soon, but a good quick read that will come in handy some day.