Included in a blog post and resource list at https://booksbeyondbinaries.blog/2019/06/10/non-fiction-about-gender-and-trans-e...

The author has been annoyed all her life by people mispronouncing her first name, even when she corrects, so, the "H" is silent and it's pronounced like "Eeda."

I thought this was a fascinating and informative book. Hida Viloria wants "intersex" to be considered a third sex, neither or both male and female. I understand intellectually, but I haven't quite incorporated the idea - it will come. She rather likes both, containing both yin and yang, and, depending on how she presents herself, she can pass as male, female, or so androgynous that people are puzzled. Apparently, some intersex people are a bit on the female side, and others are more male. I find it difficult to believe that some people prefer "Disorders in Sexual Development", or, "Differences in Sexual Development," either also DSD. After all, "intersex" or the older, "hermaphrodite", which Hida sometimes uses, are both simple and informative.

Hida has become quite an activist for her sex - she has been in documentaries, appeared for interviews on television and radio, marched in parades. Considering that all this requires her to talk graphically about things that are ordinarily considered private, and that many people may not want to hear about, this is very brave of her. She sometimes faces jealously from other people born intersex. Unlike most such people, Hida never had surgery to "normalize" her genitalia. She is therefore, also a living demonstration that the supposed future social and personal problems that "uncorrected" people were predicted to suffer from, needn't happen. Of course, timing may be very important here - Hida came of age when the situation was improving, if not enough, for people not conforming to the strict male/female binary.

I must admit wanting to tear my hair out when Hida began explaining what's wrong with "cisgender." For intersex people the important thing is to get non-binary sexes recognized, but it will be an uphill fight in many places. There was also a problem when she used the pronoun "They." Since it's ambiguous, I first interpreted it as meaning that the conversation had been joined by additional people, and it didn't make sense, until I realized that it was being used as the singular preferred pronoun for the person that she was talking with. If "they" is going to be used as a singular pronoun, and it would be great to have a sex/gender neutral pronoun, I think we need to push substituting "theys" as a plural for he, she, and they, to reduce confusion.

I wondered, thinking about it, if there will be a contest over pronouns. Will non-binary gender people want it to be their special pronoun, or can it be used by anyone not comfortable with with he/she? Hida is presently using "s/he, he/r," but I don't know that that works when spoken - it needs a unique pronunciation. S/he was formerly using "ze." ( )

A very interesting look at gender, the way it is perceived and what it means to not fit the norm. It really opened my eyes. It is a tender subject with more facets than I initially imagined. An important introduction to the issue. I hope it gets a wide audience. ( )

This is a memoir of growing up intersex and becoming an activist for intersex visibility. Unlike many intersex children, Hida was not subjected to surgery, hormones, or other "treatments" to try and make he/r more boy or girl. Hida was raised as a girl, though s/he often felt much more masculine. Some people might be surprised to discover that Hida lived a largely unremarkable and happy life. S/he suspects that is because unlike most intersex people of h/er generation, s/he was not subjected to disfiguring surgery. This creates legitimacy issues for Hida, as s/he feels illegitimate claiming an identity that is grounded in suffering for so many.

As an adult Hida becomes very involved in intersex activism. S/he wants to make the frequency and existence of intersex visible. S/he also wants intersex to be declassified as a disorder, so it can no longer be called a "disorder of sexual development." I really enjoyed reading aobut Hida's experiences growing up, and about her activism work. I was less interested in h/er discussions about trying to "find" he/rself, via drug use, attending Burning Man, and other activities that were just not that relatable to me. There were plenty of points reading this book where I felt like I was just not cool enough to relate. There's quite a bit of focus on going to the hottest and latest clubs in San Francisco, and whatnot. That said, I did enjoy reading about the other parts of Viloria's journey. ( )

When Hida Viloria was born, the doctor took he/r father (also a doctor) aside and they had a quiet conversation. Whatever the doctor told he/r father, he rejected, and Hida was presented to he/r mother as a baby girl, and that is how s/he was raised. Hida had a rough life; he/r father was abusive, s/he was drugged and raped at a bar, s/he was a budding lesbian in a culture that doesn’t take well to that. Along with that, s/he struggled with he/r gender identity: was s/he really the girl s/he was raised to be, was s/he male instead, or was s/he somewhere in between?

The answer turned out to be ‘in between’. It took Hida years to figure that out; s/he’d didn’t hear the word ‘intersex’ until 1995. After that, things started falling into place. S/he also learned about female genital mutilation and the common practice in the US of surgically altering intersex babies so their genitals ‘look like’ girls- depriving them of a source of sexual pleasure. S/he has become a writer and an activist for the intersex community, trying to educate the world on gender fluidity and letting babies grow up as they are born.

I found the first part of the book very interesting, as Hida told about he/r journey of discovery. The latter part I found less interesting; it was all about he/r activism and it was very rushed. While I agree he/r activism is incredibly important, it’s just not as interesting to read about. Warning to the sensitive: there are graphic descriptions of sex and violence, as well as liberal use of The Big Swear Word.

Four and a half stars out of five. ( )