This book is at the same time inspiring and irritating, pragmatic and narcissistic, helpful and dangerous. As a reader, it took me a while to develop selective attention - to take all the good while ignoring the bad and ugly. BUT! with this approach, I found this book quite amazing!

I was listening to the audiobook and the first thing that hit me was the quality of the recording. It sounds like the author recorded everything in her house without any postprocessing. I got used to polished audio and hearing how the lector deeply breaths in, turns the pages, or changes her position was difficult to accommodate. But after a few chapters, it started to feel appropriate to the content and message of the book. It created a sense of intimacy and sitting with the author in the same room. Strange but interesting approach.

The book describes the value of thinking for oneself, explains how to create environments where independent thinking can thrive, and gives some protocols for communication that let everyone voice their thoughts. It debunks popular ideas about active listening and gives valuable tips on how to listen well. The 1:1 conversation protocol explains how to become a thinking "sparring partner" without inserting yourself (i.e. your experience, judgment, emotions) into the thinking process. The word "coaching" is not used even once but it is the most useful and practical guide to having a coaching session that I have ever seen. I tried it a few times after completing the book and I was surprised at how well it works.

The discoveries and insights of the author are rarely backed up by formal studies, relying mostly on her own practice and experiences with her clients. 23 years after publishing this book we have significantly more data and studies on this subject, strengthening some of her intuitions and completely disproving others. So one needs to be cautious when taking it all in. But in general, there are some neat ideas and surely the intention of increasing listening and thinking skills in the world is honorable.

The worse side of this book starts when the author doesn't take her own advice. She clearly is in love with her idea (which she warns against) and finds it the cure for everything wrong in the world (including cancer, wars, and world hunger), not letting in any doubt that there could be a different or even complementary way. In the chapter about Diversity, she bashes all men as incapable of creating thinking environments based on... experience of two male teens not being able to look into each other eyes. The rant on "male culture" feels so misplaced it is hard to read. Especially, when a few pages back she pleads for starting every conversation with an open mind and no prejudice toward the interlocutor. Apparently, it works until he is a male and then one needs to reconfigure his "male culture" conditioning first🤷‍♂️

I think this book has helped me to be a better listener and thinking partner for others. However, reading it was a mixed bag of emotions. Its delivery is less like a researcher exposing some interesting patterns, much more like a preacher giving a sermon about the absolute truth. If one can navigate this and turn the deaf ear in the right moments, it can be very useful and inspiring. ( )