Interesting focus on the idea of what constitutes "sex." Briefly touches upon the idea that kink can be related to sex or not, but goes on to equate intimacy with sex and concludes that because kink requires intimacy then it is defined by them as a sex act. Large focus on physical aspects of BDSM without much discussion of mental effects. It does talk about how kink can be a healing force, but doesn't spend enough time explaining how. There's not really a discussion about aftercare. Some people mention subspace, not by name, in their letters, but don't describe it in detail/why it is important/how subspace can be transformative and freeing. The book does mention the vast support system set up in the BDSM community, but not in detail between partners. Ultimately, a helpful resource, but definitely not something I would give to someone who was worried about kink and just beginning to learn about it.

The letters definitely make this book, though they are rather repetitive. Excerpting them might have been just as effective. A lot of interesting connections are drawn between kink and sport. ( )

This might be a better book if the someone you love is you, but it can be a good read for the non-understanding better half. I would recommend long discussions over the subject matter. This is best used as an ice breaker, not an apologia. ( )