No surprises that Sontag was a total narcissist but still worth reading for descriptions of a very hothouse relationship between Nunez, Sontag's son, and Sontag. ( )

It’s no secret I immensely adore Susan Sontag for her intelligence, eloquence, and profound love for literature and cinema. Her serious demeanour with the manner she carried herself, her thick hair, the timbre of her voice make me swoon with admiration. Sempre Susan colours in the obscured shade of humanness frequently eclipsed by Sontag’s public persona and intellect. As such there’s no surprise (but there’s still disappointment) to see Sontag as a flawed, set of contradictions and complications, at times nasty and unkind (one time she suggests in front of other people Nunez and her son stick to oral sex alone so as not to bother with birth control), and surprisingly had the inclination to incessantly chatter to fill in the quiet (be it whilst peeing or making a cup of coffee in the kitchen). Her desire to be remembered as a fiction writer instead of as an essayist/philosopher was a lasting frustration; she also lamented the years she lost because of writing essays, even her inaptitude to sketch certain feelings, certain imagery into her fictional work and the disdain she had of her years as a professor whilst happily nostalgic with her time as a student.

“In general, she had contempt for people who didn’t do what they truly wanted to do. She believed that most people, unless they were very poor, made their own lives, and, to her, security over freedom was a deplorable choice. It was servile.”

Nunez’ reminiscence makes an unsuccessful effort to avoid any kind of bias but her reverence leaks in Sempre Susan; and opposite Sontag’s sometimes cruel ways Nunez was movingly empathetic. Having lived with Sontag whilst she was Sontag’s son’s, David, girlfriend, their relationship was rather complex, mostly a muddled and blurred plane of a mentor and mentee where there’s rivalry for David’s love and attention. I find Sontag was selfish in this regard. She never wanted her son to be completely independent (people insinuated incestuous relationship between them which I haven’t personally heard of) whereas she went to college at 15, got married at 17 and had David at 19 which she affixed to her eagerness to grow-up; childhood having been a boring time in her life (in one interview she stated “childhood has wasted on me”) besides having to deal with an alcoholic mother. At the same time, it showed her vulnerability beyond her questionable, unusual ways of having brought up her son which she was so often proud of (or perhaps done only to console herself), her refusal to yield to mortality yet elation to having been brushed with it several times. Of course, this memoir is not without its absurdly odd/funny recollections of how Sontag never understood why owning a lot of underwear was necessary when one can own a pair and wash the other at night, her belief women exaggerate the inconveniences of menstruation, and the dislike she had for people who go to therapy (albeit she went to one herself) or take antidepressants because she believed stoicism was the perfect response to depression. It's interesting (and a comfort) to read about Sontag’s preference to sit in front of a theatre screen, how she highlighted books with pencils, and her devotion to beauty in all its forms and interpretations amidst her small insecurity with her looks (one time she said, “Here’s a big difference between you and me. You wear makeup and you dress in a certain way that’s meant to draw attention and help people find you attractive. But I won’t do anything to draw attention to my looks. If someone wants to, they can take a closer look and maybe they’ll discover I’m attractive. But I’m not going to do anything to help them.”) However Sempre Susan may come off as clanky and intermittent in places and jumps from one memory to another like a puzzle solved without an image to rely on but to form upon. Its briefness made me want more; and so does my love for Susan Sontag which reached extremely new heights. To end the memoir with one unforgettable, devastating dialogue from Yasujiro Ozu’s Tokyo Story aptly puts life’s trickles of heartache and shame, how it may palpably feel very long yet insufficient to fully clasp and hold all of our desires and pleasures.

Notes — —
-She didn’t like Kerouac and didn’t see Carver’s influence as something to cheer on.
-She bit her nails.
-She called herself a melancholic.
-She didn't like being called 'Sue.'
-“If I’m close to someone, even if it’s just a friend, I always feel some sexual attraction to that person.”
-Advice from Susan: if you cry once, people feel sorry for you. But if you cry every day, they just think you’re a drag.
-Some of Susan’s favourite words: servile, boring, besotted, exemplary, serious.
-She made it a point to see one film a day at theatres. ( )

An extremely revealing and surprising memoir by Nunez, who dated Sontag's son then remained close to her. Sontag was such a complex person, so smart and also selfish and neurotic. The book spells out her quirks, of which there are many, but is ultimately a loving portrait. ( )

Sempre Susan. Door Sigrid Nunez.

Een tijdje geleden las ik De Vriend en werd op slag verliefd op dat boek én op Sigrid. In De vriend volgen we een vrouw die plots haar beste vriend verliest. Hij sterft en zij ontfermt zich over zijn hond. Als onderdeel van haar rouwproces fileert ze haar vriend en hun relatie; vakkundig, nietsontziend en pijnlijk eerlijk. En hoewel dat een tegenstelling lijkt zit haar schets ook vol liefde en bewondering.

In feite doet Sigrid dat in dit boek ook, met als belangrijk detail dat Sempre Susan geen fictie is én dat het over een persoon gaat die we allemaal kennen; namelijk Susan Sontag.

In de jaren zeventig was Sigrid een tijd lang het administratieve hulpje van Susan. Zo leerde ze ook diens zoon David kennen, waar ze verliefd op werd. De relatie die ontstond zorgde er voor dat Nunez en Sontag een tijd lang onder één dak woonden. Dat maakt dan weer dat Sigrid echt weet waarover, over wie, ze schrijft. Ze kent Susan als geen ander, ook haar intiemste, kleinste kantjes. (En die zijn er, veel.) Hoewel ze die schaamteloos met ons deelt, beschadigt ze het beeld dat je van Sontag hebt niet. Nunez speelt het klaar om haar meer mens te maken én haar toch een icoon te laten blijven.

Zoals steeds vertelt wat iemand schrijft over een andere persoon meer over de schrijver zelf dan over het beschreven object. Nunez bezit de gave om echt te kijken, te raken, scherp te stellen en te schrijven.
Ik kijk vol verwachting uit naar Wat scheelt er aan dat in het najaar verschijnt. ( )

To be honest, I picked up this book, SEMPRE SUSAN, not because I'm a fan of Sontag, but because I'd read a Sigrid Nunez book which had very much impressed me, a novel called FOR ROUENNA. When I found this slim volume, purportedly about Sontag, I kind hoped to learn more about Nunez. And I did, because this IS a memoir after all. It gives you a pretty good look at what Nunez was like, fresh out of college, at the beginning of her career as a writer, working glorified 'go-fer' jobs at The New York Review of Books, where, quite coincidentally, Sontag had some important connections. So in this way, she first met Susan Sontag, taking a temporary job with her, answering her mail and typing. The two became quite close, despite an 18 year age difference, and Nunez even moved in with Sontag, and had an extended affair with the writer's son, David Rieff. In between the parts about Sontag and family, I learned of some of Nunez's other important influences and teachers, people like Elizabeth Hardwick, and a little about her own ups and downs in relationships. There are also a number of important names from the world of books, publishing, theater and the arts sprinkled throughout - all Sontag contacts.

But mostly, the book really is about Sontag, whose work, I must confess, I know very little about (but neither did Nunez when they first met; she quickly rectified this). Sontag herself was obviously a very complicated, and of course immensely talented, person. For many years she was recognized as an expert and authority on modern culture, a hard-won recognition, it seems. She was also bisexual, abnormally attached to her son, and - at least from the descriptions found herein - probably mentally ill: bipolar, schizo, clinically depressed? It's hard to say. But she doesn't sound normal. She could be, by turns, both extremely controlling and arrogant, and wracked with doubts and insecurities. Despite her many famous and wealthy friends and the high society circles she moved in, she was often hard-pressed to pay her bills, and for much of her life was resentful of this fact.

What comes across very clearly here, however, is in what high regard Nunez always held Sontag - loved her, in fact, as an important influence and a mostly generous mentor, despite bouts of bullying and rudeness she at times endured at her hands.

I think I would have enjoyed knowing Sontag, despite my own lack of polish. Here's a quote Nunez gives us from Sontag: "Pay no attention to these writers who claim you can't be a serious writer and voracious reader at the same time." This is encouraging to a hopelessly out-of-control reader and booklover like me who also has dreams of writing. Sontag herself had an enormous personal library of books that numbered in the thousands.

Here's another passage I liked -

"The little ritual - copied, like so much else she did, by many of us - of spending the last few minutes before leaving on a trip searching the shelves for a book she hadn't yet read, to take along."

Been there too, of course.

Like I said, I didn't know much about Sontag. Now I know enough that I think I'll have to read at least a couple of her books. And I know a little more about Sigrid Nunez as a person and as a writer. And I like what I've learned, namely that she was a good friend once, many years ago, to Susan Sontag, and in writing this book she has not betrayed that friendship. I like that. You don't have to be a Sontag fan to like this book. It's a fascinating look at two people, both important writers: Susan Sontag and Sigrid Nunez. Highly recommended. ( )