August All .. .. 2022 God's Mum

😎 Laughter is the best medicine. 😎

Put it this way: ~ In The Vatican, recently:~

The Pope: It is a tragedy. Two of God's Holy Angels have collided at high speed in mid-air.

Irish Cardinal: Holy Mary, Jesus and Joseph, Mother of God and the little donkey. That is awful Father, sorry, I mean your Graceful Thingy. Were they hurt, at all, at all? (Does "sign of the cross" backwards.)

Pope: Parts and wing-feathers were scattered over a wide area. We will not know who was at fault until we locate their black boxes and all data is examined ...

God's Mum: She'll tell you bible stories that you've never heard before, on Librarything.
Each month is clearly shown and you can start anywhere you like. The aim is to bring you, precious reader, one new God's Mum fix every day, stolen from her blog.

For ease of reading, a new topic starts on the 1st of each month. To-date on LT we have:

1. In the beginning Nov 2021 .. . . Here
   
2. And then .. .. .. Dec 2021 .. .. .. Here
   
3. New year .. .. .. Jan 2022 .. .. .. Here
   
4. After that .. .. .. Feb 2022 .. .. .. Here
   
5. March on .. .. .. Mar 2022 .. .. .. Here
   
6. April time .. .. . April 2022 .. .. . Here
   
7. May Happy .. .. May 2022 .. .. .. Here
   
8. June boon .. .. .June 2022 .. .. .. Here
   
9. July Play .. .. .. July 2022 .. .. .. Here
   
10. August All .. .. August 2022 .. .. Here
    
11. Sept' Song .. .. Sept' 2022 . .. .. Here
    

    God's Mum: The problem with religious history ~
    It's just one thing after another .. .. ..

God's Mum: The Romans, dear. They had a difficult time trying to introduce some kind of legal system and peace into what was later called "The Holy Land", dear.

God: You have to realise the whole region in that era resembled what Afghanistan is today.

God's Mum: Waring factions, tribal wars that have endured for generations with no chance of settlement, women and poor treated as slaves and cattle, dear. Disease, poverty and stagnation everywhere, dear. Each tribe with it's own gods and rituals, strictly enforced by "priests " (to benefit themselves, of course), Is that what you mean, dear?

God: Yes it is, and, much like today, rulers who work hard to keep it that way to profit themselves.

God's Mum: Yes, dear. Afghanistan is a good simile for the area responsible for giving the world the bible ramblings, dear.

👩🏿‍🦰 👩 Roxanne is an average pupil in an average school. 👩‍🦰 👩🏿‍🦰

She feels she can get all the religious instruction she desires from her parents, the public library, the internet or even the boring local church if she chooses. Her class do not intend to have someone else's guesswork rammed down their throats against their will:

- - -
Teacher: So, to recap on last weeks Religious Instruction class, let's go over the requirements for entry into our benevolent God's heaven.

Roxanne: Do you mean last week's Compulsory Religious Instruction requirements for entry into your benevolent God's heaven.?

Teacher, Yes, if you prefer.

Roxanne: Well, first of all you will need to be dead.

https://www.librarything.com/topic/342665#7894939

God's Mum: Justin Welby, AKA The Archbishop of Canterbury, ‘affirms validity’ of 1998 gay sex is sin declaration, dear.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/aug/02/justin-welby-affirms-validity-of...

God: Yes, I saw the headline: Archbishop indicates he will not seek to punish churches that allow same-sex marriage in balancing act.

God's Mum: And: Anglican church still tying itself in knots over same-sex marriage.
Justin Welby, the archbishop of Canterbury and leader of the global Anglican church, has sought to mollify conservative bishops around the world by “affirming the validity” of a 1998 declaration that gay sex is a sin.

God: He told more than 650 bishops attending the once-a-decade Lambeth conference jolly that, for “a large majority” of conservative Anglicans, questioning biblical teaching was “unthinkable”. Welby said: “In many countries, it would make the church a victim of derision,* contempt and even attack. For many churches, to change traditional teaching challenges their very existence.”

God's Mum: In a letter sent to bishops shortly before what was described as a “robust discussion” on sexuality, dear, Welby said the 1998 resolution, known as Lambeth 1.10, was “not in doubt”. dear.

God: But he also indicated that he would not seek the authority to discipline anyone. He did not say where authority lay... However, we are aware that he knows the will of God, because he has told us so on many occasions...

* Even more than usual.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/aug/02/justin-welby-affirms-validity-of...

God's Mum: Breakfast outside in the sunshine this morning, dear. Grapefruit, then honeynut cornflakes with milk, dear. I could hear you laughing just now, what is so funny, dear?

God: I have been watching Roxanne and her class at school. They are endlessly entertaining, here is the hymn change they were singing at this morning's compulsory school assembly:

All things bright and beautiful
all creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
Evolution made them all.

God's Mum: Those are not the right words, dear.

God: They are now...

🌼 Words of Wisdom you won't hear in church.🌼

Put it this way: ~ "I've had several credible death threats over the years sometimes requiring the very kind assistance of the police hate crime squad. Each and every one of those threats has come from an evangelical Christian."

Sandi Toksvig in letter to archbishop of Canterbury.

God's Mum: As the founders feared, when religious faith becomes the guiding force in politics, dear, the historic American experiment in creating a pluralistic republic is most at risk, dear.

God: Allowing the utmost religious freedom, within the bounds of high walls between church and state, has spared the US many religious problems.

God's Mum: Very true, dear. Saved them from the kinds of religious wars that have plagued human history and riled modern nations, dear.

God: Up to now....

😎 Laughter is the best medicine. 😎

And it came to pass ~ A conversation in Jerusalem: The year 31 (CE), in the Cash Only Saloon, (Beer, Wines, Spirits served all day) adjoining the rear of the Holy Temple:

"According to the news from travellers, John The Baptist was sentenced to death and subsequently beheaded by Herod Antipas last week."

"It was his own fault. John rebuked Herod for divorcing his wife Phasaelis and then unlawfully wedding Herodias, the wife of his brother Herod Philip I."

"He was executed by order of Herod Antipas in the fortress at Machaerus."

"That will teach him to eat bacon sandwiches on a Friday."

God's Mum: Scotland has become a ‘secular society’ says church, dear.

https://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/people/scotland-has-become-secular-society-say...

God: Yes, I saw that article: Church of Scotland moderator, the Rev Dr Iain Greenshields, says he believes Scottish society “feels little need for God”.

God's Mum: That is a giant step forward for the earthlings, dear. Wonderful that Scotland should be the first nation on earth to come to it's senses, dear.

God: The Scots have always been world-leaders and mostly clear thinkers. Even * The God Industry * cannot fool all of them all the time.

https://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/people/scotland-has-become-secular-society-say...

😎 Laughter is the best medicine. 😎

Put it this way: ~ "Is it true that Donald Trump thinks that "the bible belt" is what the Pope holds his trousers up with?"

_{God's Mum©}

💙God's Mum: Book Choice of the Month. ~ August 2022💙

Darwin And The Beagle. . by Alan Moorhead (Author) The Arcadia Press. (1970)

https://www.librarything.com/work/86941/book/222424631

Perhaps the average reader would not be too inclined to jump in and read Charles Darwin’s own accounts of this famous journey of discovery, his master work On the Origin of Species By Means of Natural Selection or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life (http://www.librarything.com/work/23533) or his more accessible trip narrative The Voyage of the Beagle: Charles Darwin's Journal of Researches (http://www.librarything.com/work/3427) are both splendid works, but Alan Moorehead’s approach was to create a book, mainly from Darwin’s own words, then richly illustrate it to entice a general readership to delve into the originals. In this objective Moorehead was successful and the book, first published in 1969 was still being re-printed in 2000.

The book details not only the actual voyage and the theory that developed from Darwin’s discoveries, but his torturous and complicated relationship with the famous Captain Fitzroy who struggled between his deeply held religious belief and acceptance of the obvious logical conclusions of Evolution.

The author was an Australian who became a newspaper journalist in England, and during World War II had won an international reputation for his coverage of campaigns in the Middle East and Asia, he was ‘Mentioned in Dispatches’ (a formal military recognition just short of a medal) and was awarded the OBE. The deserts he fought over drew him back and he began to write history, choosing as one of his earlier themes, the great river Nile that waters those same deserts.

While touring Australia to conclude the research for this book, in December 1966, he began suffering from the headaches that eventually precipitated a major stroke. Tragically during the heart surgery, further attacks inflicted brain damage that affected his communicating nerves … subsequently at just 56 years old this great communicator could no longer speak, read, or write.

Only through the efforts of his wife, Lucy, was Darwin and the Beagle still concluded and published.

John_Vaughan | Feb 26, 2012 LibraryThing.

PinkSeeSaw: Wonderful. 💙💙💙💙💙 (Five stars)

God's Mum: The cost of the upkeep of the Vatican must be astronomical, dear.

God: Blessed are the meek, for they all pay.

God's Mum: But the sheer number of staff, the catering, the laundry, dear. How many cardinals would you guess worked at the Vatican, dear?

God: Roughly? About 20% of them...

>5 PinkSeeSaw:

God's Mum: We see here that The Archbishop of Canterbury's statement contains the following words, dear: "For many churches, to change traditional teaching challenges their very existence.”, dear.

God: An amazing admission. He is confirming that the church's traditions world-wide are locked in iron age teachings of biblical times past. They are unable to change or update and they never will be able to.

😎 Laughter is the best medicine.😎

"Captain Noah, sir." (Smart salute)

"Yes, wife, what is this time?"

"You were asking about the Ark's stock of drinking water, Sir."

"Quite so. So how are our supplies holding up?"

"It hasn't stopped raining for weeks, Sir. We are adrift in a sea of fresh water as far as the eye can see, Sir."

"Oh yes! I hadn't thought of that. Thank you, dismissed."

https://www.librarything.com/topic/341494#7834638

🌼 Words of Wisdom you won't hear in church.🌼

And it came to pass: ~ "The Bible is a collection of primitive legends."

Albert Einstein.

God's Mum: In 1857 Archbishop Ussher and Dr John Lightfoot of Cambridge University by a series of “mystical calculations” fixed the actual date of the creation of the world, dear. It was at 9 a.m. on Sunday 23 October in 4004 B.C. dear.

God: Yes, I remember it well. This extraordinary pronouncement was printed with all the authority of the gospel itself in most new copies of the bible that were in circulation at the time. These facts are well recorded.

God's Mum: There was much theological argument about the exact interpretation of the bible, but the facts of the Book of Genesis were sacrosanct: The world was created by god in six days, man had been made in his image, all the creatures of the earth had sprung into existence at the same instant and had survived the flood because Noah had taken two of each species aboard the Ark, dear.

God: It has to be assumed that these two men (Ussher and Lightfoot) were educated. Nothing but religion could have made them descend into such a mire of absolute bullshit.

God's Mum: It is still happening today, dear.

God's Mum:

A prominent Vatican cardinal from Quebec, long considered a top candidate for the papacy, is one of dozens of clergy members facing allegations of sexual assault as part of a class-action lawsuit against his former diocese, dear

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-cardinal-marc-ouellet-sexual-assa...

God: Cardinal Marc Ouellet, a former archbishop of Quebec City and a member of Pope Francis’s inner circle, is accused of inappropriately massaging and touching a woman’s lower back over the course of several public events between August, 2008, and February, 2010. She was an intern at the time, serving as a pastoral agent in the diocese.

God's Mum: The woman, identified in court documents only as F., claims Cardinal Ouellet’s repeated touching and unwanted attention left her feeling “chased” by one of Canada’s most powerful clerics. She also claims to have been assaulted separately by another priest, Léopold Manirabarusha, whose unwanted advances between 2016 and 2018, she alleges, included forcing her to perform oral sex on him.

God: In an interview, Justin Wee, a lawyer for the plaintiffs, said the fact that the allegations involve a member of the clergy as prominent as Cardinal Ouellet underlines the diocese’s systemic failure at preventing sexual abuses.

God's Mum: “When someone of that stature, Cardinal Ouellet, can carry out these acts, you can imagine what kind of acts other priests in the diocese could be doing,” Mr. Wee said of the accusations.

God: Did you take note of Ouellet's huge hat? He must be so proud of strutting about in such a huge creation.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-cardinal-marc-ouellet-sexual-assa...

_{Follow Tu Thanh Ha on Twitter: @TuThanhHa
Follow Eric Andrew-Gee on Twitter: @ericandrewgee}

👩🏿‍🦰 👩 Roxanne is an average pupil in an average school. 👩‍🦰 👩🏿‍🦰

She feels she can get all the religious instruction she desires from her parents, the public library, the internet or even the boring local church if she chooses. Her class do not intend to have someone else's guesswork rammed down their throats against their will.

Teacher: Today's compulsory religious lesson follows Daniel in the lion's den.

Roxanne: Before we start, can we tell you about our school trip up to town together?

Teacher: Yes, of course, did you have a good time?

Roxanne: Wonderful, thank you. We ended up seeing a show with clowns in costumes doing the most stupid things, it was hilarious. The audience were not very receptive but we made up for them, we laughed and laughed, it was really good.

Teacher: I'm so pleased you had a good time. What was the show called?

Roxanne: Mass...

https://www.librarything.com/topic/343219#7897970
* * *
_{Credit: God's Mum©}

🌼 Words of Wisdom you won't hear in church.🌼

And it came to pass: ~ "Every human being has the right to express themselves creatively, to challenge big ideas, critique opinions even to mock, parody or insult without the fear of violence. No religion, political movement, personality or philosophy, is exempt from that basic principal. Because without the freedom to think and express ourselves as human beings, every other freedom we have can be taken away."

Andrew Copson.

I don't make this stuff up.

Every conversation posted here in August God's Mum is a genuine overheard snippet passed on to me by Holy Walter the bisexual angel who cleans God's Mum's windows.

Sworn on Cardinal Pell's Holy Bible. Oct 2018.
See: "Come home Cardinal Pell".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Minchin

* * *

NOTE: God's Mum Message wall is provided as a friendly place for readers of God's Mum to exchange jokes and ideas, to engage in profound philosophical discussion, and to ridicule the sincerely held religious beliefs of millions. As such, comments of a racist, sexist or homophobic nature are not recommended.

God's Mum: The Vatican is having problems with their Cardinal O'Malley, dear.

God: Is he the one who was assigned as assistant to the Pope? I understand the Pope did not feel that O'Malley had much in the "smart" department.

God's Mum: At a recent Vatican meeting the Pope was very critical of the hard working cardinal, dear. Fortunately, O'Malley was not present at the meeting, dear.

God: Why not? Where was he?

God's Mum: He was out on the balcony throwing breadcrumbs and birdseed to a flock of Holy Angels, dear.

https://www.librarything.com/topic/343219#7895167

God's Mum: Have you any comment to make on the Story of Ruth in the earthling's bible, dear.

God: Who?

God's Mum: The Story of Ruth, dear. Her husband died and she married one of his relatives, dear.

God: So did everyone else in the bible. I know about Ruth but don't know of any "story" involved. She plays a bit-part , just padding, As far as I can see the bible is full of characters like her.

God's Mum: Just something to thread the fairy-tales together, dear.

📜📜ChurchSpeak 📜ChurchSpeak 📜ChurchSpeak📜📜

Every month God's Mum features an item of ChurchSpeak. These are unedited passages from church leaders in such obscure church language that they are unintelligible to mere humans. A clear demonstration that * The God Industry * is unable to communicate in the real world.

https://www.aciafrica.org/news/6363/africa-given-a-voice-to-be-heard-catholic-ar....

By ACI Africa Staff Accra, 27 July, 2022 / 9:02 pm (ACI Africa).

The ongoing preparations for the Synod on Synodality has finally given Africa a voice to be heard by the rest of the world, a member of the Synod Council in Rome has told delegates of the 19th Plenary Assembly of the Symposium of Episcopal Conferences of Africa and Madagascar (SECAM) in Accra, Ghana.

In his presentation on the second day of the July 25 – August 1 Plenary Assembly that has brought together over 120 Catholic Bishops in Africa and Madagascar, Archbishop Andrew Nkea Fuanya of Bamenda in Cameroon said that the process leading to Synod on Synodality is also a chance for Africa “to craft out its own identity as a Church.”

“Many people often say that the future of the Church is in Africa. I don't know whether Africans themselves say this, but all I can say is that Synodality at the continental level gives Africa the opportunity to craft out its own identity as a Church,” Archbishop Nkea said in his Tuesday, July 26 address.

He added, “The continental stage of the synodal process simply means that Africa has been given a chance for her voice to be heard in the world as Africa. But better still, Africa has been given a chance to hear her own voice on her own soil about what she wants for herself.”

The Archbishop of Bamenda urged the delegates of the 19th Plenary Assembly of SECAM to hold the continental conversations on the Synod on Synodality in high esteem.

“The Holy Father has given us the chance and we should not lose it,” the member of the Synod Council in Rome said.

Archbishop Nkea who was voted by the Catholic Bishops in Africa as one of their representatives on the Synod council to prepare for the October 2023 Synod on Synodality said that he has been working with others in making proposals to Pope Francis about the Synod.

Put another way, here is another load of religious bullshit for you.

God's Mum: Isn't the bible wonderful, dear? "Do as we do and as we say or your loving god will strike you down, kill all your family, destroy your cattle and your land".

God: Amazing isn't it? "God won't do these things Himself, you understand, but will instruct his prophets (in a dream) to carry out this slaughter on His behalf." They say.

God's Mum: So the religious will kill thousands, burn their homes but "Only because God told us to do it." dear.

God: In his wrath ! "But don't forget ~ He loves you really."

God's Mum: Can it really be true that grown-ups believe all this stuff? dear.

😎 Laughter is the best medicine. 😎

And it came to pass ~ In the area of Jordan River Valley in the early 1st century AD at the Fisherman's Tavern (Loaves, fishes, Beer, Wines, Spirits served all day) adjoining the Holy jetty:

" Morning! A pint of Joshua's special ale and a fisherman's secret sandwich (bacon) please. You're a new barman, where is the other guy?"

" He left, he's gone off to follow Jesus Christ."

" Follow him where?"

" Well, he said ~ everywhere, forever."

" It is so amazing, a good barman, always helpful, hard working and he turns out to be a stalker...

God's Mum: Does it surprise you, dear, that whenever one of the earthlings speaks out about * The God Industry * and complains or mocks their Almighty God, dear, we hear the church screaming from the top of their steeples, dear?

God: Amazing, it is, but not surprising. They have to rush to the protection of their "Almighty God". He suddenly needs the protection of his feeble, mortal bishops against all those "nasty people".

God's Mum: Would it not seem logical that their "Almighty" god would be able to take care of the situation himself, dear?

God: The very fact that they rush to his aid proves his non-existence. If their "Almighty God" was capable he would surely take decisive action on his own account against the mere mortals who offend him.

God's Mum: But it never happens. Strange that, isn't it, dear?...

God's Mum: Until 1996 in England, dear, for illogical religious reasons the people could not shop on Sunday, dear, the shops had to closed all day by law, dear.

God: So recent and so ridiculous. The debate over Sunday trading laws was reignited in 2014, when 'Open Sundays' revealed that 72% of people believe they should be able to shop whenever is convenient to them.

God's Mum: The debate gained further political traction in May of the same year, when Philip Davies MP tabled five amendments to the Deregulation Bill which aimed at abolishing or liberalising the current Sunday trading laws which only allow 6 hours opening, dear, labelling the current regulations as "completely absurd and unjustifiable".

God: It was proposed in the July 2015 Budget that the Sunday trading laws might be relaxed but this proposal was defeated with the help of the 26 unelected Bishops in the government (who probably don't ever need to shop) imposing their will on over 72% of the English voters who demand it becomes a normal shopping day.

👩🏿‍🦰 👩 Roxanne is an average pupil in an average school. 👩‍🦰 👩🏿‍🦰

She feels she can get all the religious instruction she desires from her parents, the public library, the internet or even the boring local church if she chooses. Her class do not intend to have someone else's guesswork rammed down their throats against their will at school:

Teacher: Today we will be talking about Abraham and his tribe in the desert.

Roxanne: Are you aware that our parents have the right to object to these compulsory religious lesson?

Teacher: I have no wish to discuss that with you today.

Roxanne: But legally we, the victims, have no such right to object. What are we, some kind of cattle to be dictated to? These religious classes have to be compulsory because the school is well aware that if we had a choice this room would be empty and we would be studying something useful to us. It is both completely absurd and unjustifiable.

* * *
https://www.librarything.com/topic/343219#7909234

_{Credit: God's Mum©}

🌼 Words of Wisdom you won't hear in church.🌼

And it came to pass: ~ "Dragging religion into an already highly charged debate is unlikely to enhance the discussion. Framing arguments in religious terms is unlikely to resonate widely anyway, as it's a language few people speak."

_{God's Mum©}

God's Mum: Much emphasis on Christian Values in the press this week, dear. But not much clarity on what they think they are talking about though, dear.

God: Values claimed by some earthlings and believed to be possessed by no others.

God's Mum: In other words, dear ~ A way of making yourself superior to others, dear?

God: Exactly. Here is an excellent quote from LibraryThing a few years ago:

"Oh, the phrase "Christian values" really annoys me; the values that are promoted as Christian values are just common-or-garden good citizenship and general human niceness. If Christians are aiming for that, great: the more the merrier. But they mustn't go around claiming the values for themselves as though no-one else can exhibit them, and having those values is a sign of being a Christian (no, it's believing Jesus is the son of God that does that)."

https://www.librarything.com/topic/191586#5192018

_{Credit: dwt42, LibraryThing.}
* * *
Thanks, everyone, for being with God's Mum all the way through August. A new topic, "💛 Today 💛 Sept' Song" (September) takes over. See Here

We all look forward to seeing you over there.

Your irreverent gags, quotes and ideas messaged to our wall are wonderful, please keep 'em coming. If you don't see them used, hang on, they almost certainly will be soon. Our tiny team of imps have a lot of fun reading and adapting as requested.