Spanking?

Do you think a parent can spank and still be AP?

I don't. To me, attachment parenting includes gentle, respectful discipline. And spanking certainly doesn't promote attachment.

My son spent first 2Y9M in an orphanage, coming to us pretty much out of control (= several headbanging, fistbiting, mamakicking tantrums per day). Tried everything but settled on holding time (per book "Holding Time" by Martha Welsh--touchstones not working). My experience is that this approach fostered attachment as well as giving him a sense of control. In my arms he would be angry at the world, then at me, with an anger that eventually changed from struggling and cheek-pinching into gentle face-touching and eye-contact. Sometimes by end of holding session, I would be the one in tears having repeated the mantra "Mama loves you. We will take care of you, etc." The mellow mood would color his next day or two, when holding would again be required. Today he is a gentle, sunny teenager.

I mention this just in case a parent with a truly troubled child looks to your group for ideas. Holding is not for every child--we didn't use it for our second child, also adopted as a preschooler, but exhibiting more grief than anger those first few months. (He's doing fine also.)

IMO spanking a child is not consonant with being a compassionate human being (let alone an AP proponent).

margd - What a happy ending - the transformational power of love is amazing.

I think a distinction must be made between spanking once or twice and spanking as a main form of punishment. if spanking happens once or twice and is to startle the child out of a dangerous behavior pattern, that can be consistent with AP. if spanking is a main form of punishment, then it's not consistent with AP.