When Is It Enough?

One of the most common phrases I hear whenever I bring up my disappointment with the way things are is, "Give it time; it always gets better." I've had enough training in long-term thinking to know what they're trying to say. Yet, is it fair to ask someone to keep giving it year after year, when nothing suggests it will be better than it has been?

I suppose my depression is linked to an unrealistic expectation of the universe, and people in particular, that will never come to pass. I cannot lower the bar anymore without losing my empathy, and it's all I have left.

When you know it will never get better, when is it okay to give up?

There are times when I know for a fact that there is no improvement in sight for me, that I am only gliding ever downwards. However, when I take my rational mind and look back, I can see that overall I am better now. Every now and then I even find a timid optimism.

It has been getting better, but I never realize it when I am in the gray funk. I am not willing to think of getting back to work yet, and this has been my longest convalescent leave ever. So, I don't think about that. Instead, I think about the self-baked bread that I'm about to pull from the oven.

The medical understanding of the chemical causes of depression is getting better every year. So there are objective reasons to think that it can get better for you, assuming you're willing to experiment with the drugs as they become available.

Those of us who have waited through our depressions and have finally found both good drugs and good cognitive/behavioral methods for dealing with set backs are very glad we waited.

However, it is your life and your call.

The fact that you are talking about it here shows that you are not wanting to give up. When our depression is pushing towards the unbearable is when we must push back harder, to find something worthwhile to focus on. I do not know your circumstances so I cannot presume to know the answer,but for me I go out among people when I feel this way. Seeing others going about life seems to help me. Good luck!

Having been diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression, I think I understand what you are talking about. It all depends on how low you are. You know that better than I. Still, I would challenge the assertion that you know you will never get better. You have no crystal ball. You don't know what the tide will bring in.

Lower your expectations of yourself. Look for small victories. Every day you get up you decide you want to live. That's a victory. Showering, dressing, grooming are all accomplishments. Look for something in the day or the week during which you got some relief. Are some times better than others? If necessary write it down to remind yourself that here, this day, this moment, was better than others. Refer to it to remind yourself that the worst moments will pass. The ebb and flow of depression makes finding these moments more likely.

Don't get isolated. I found that talking to someone, or even listening to their voice, helped me a lot. Also for me: Reading (light reading like fantasy lit), when possible, helps. Listening to music helps. A good movie helps. Walking my dog helps. My sister looks at pictures in magazines. Find something from your life, perhaps from your pre-depression life if one exists, a hobby or anything that will hold your attention and provide some relief. Avoid the news and anything or anyone that makes you feel sad or worse.

If these don't work, or you feel that you may hurt yourself, find a new doctor or tell your current doctor that your meds are not working and something has to change. I changed doctors three times. You'll get good at knowing who helps.

I have experience of depression and novel ways of dealing with it. I use a wordpress site to post my discoveries:
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