Sam SykesReseñas

http://fouroffivewits.com/2015/06/26/you-should-read-the-city-stained-red-by-sam...

"What makes fantasy so enticing these days is the subversion of tropes. Martin subverts the hero in A Song of Ice and Fire, Joe Abercrombie subverts the gathering of unlikely parties for a quest to save the world in The First Law books, but these two books do it differently.

Starting with The City Stained Red, Sam Sykes, like Scott Lynch does in The Lies of Locke Lamora, injects his world with lovable, likeable, snarky, and sarcastic jerks. In the city of Cier’Djaal everyone has a mouth of them despite the seriousness of the situation. Unlike mercenaries, adventurers like Lenk and his gang are considered lower than prostitutes in respectability in this world, which I have dubbed Lenkworld, Simple there to get paid a foot war of rival gangs are killing each other, one of those gangs wants to resurrect a dead god king, and all the characters are having revelations about themselves. All the while characters, and not just the main characters, have insults, quips, banter, retorts, wisecracks, and witticisms on their lips on every page. It isn’t overdone though, working more like a buffer to the darker parts underneath. There’s a sickness in this city as Gariath, a dragonman, puts it. The system is manipulated by the equivalent of the upper class and the crime organizations. The humans, being the only species welcome in Cier’Djall, are bigoted against everyone who isn’t them in this city. Our heroes all are struggling with guilt, love, acceptance, and identity while trying to survive in this city when all hell breaks loose. It is rare, like The Lies of Locke Lamora is rare, that a book can be both funny and tragic but Sam Sykes does it well. What makes it different from …Lamora is the suffering his characters are going through internally.

An added bonus, I had no idea this was part of an ongoing series. It is the beginning of a new trilogy continuing from a previous trilogy. I was ninety percent through the book when I found that out and had no struggle with backstory or history by not (yet) reading those previous books."

I feel torn on this.

On the one hand, Brianna is likable and her shortcomings are relateable. There is a feel-good story in here about believing in yourself and doing things because they make you happy, not to impress someone else (even if that someone else is your celebrity chef father.)

On the other hand, there's kind of a weird undercurrent of racism and gentrification in here that left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. The monsters were persecuted and basically forced into this ghetto called Monster City, where they make their own society apart from humans. The top chef there (Madame Cron) is a monster who remembers the days of persecution, being driven from their homes, etc. (She's also the brownest character in the book.) Now this rich, blonde human comes in and starts a restaurant that ignores their laws, takes business away from monster businesses, etc. And Madame Cron doesn't like it. And I get why she doesn't like it! There's a little bit of lip service paid to her background explaining why she hates humans so much, but she doesn't manage to escape her role as the bad guy, trying to take Brianna (and her restaurant,) down.

I'm not saying that the author is a racist, or that Brianna is an unlikable character, or that she's doing something bad on purpose, but the story IS problematic IMO. Maybe Sam Sykes meant to flesh out Madame Cron more and make her more sympathetic and less of a villain, but just didn't end up doing that. I don't know. But I found myself agreeing with her throughout the book, and feeling like all the people (and monsters) telling her to get over the subjugation of their people (because it was so long ago) were being total jerks. And Brianna should have had to realize that she was at least somewhat in the wrong here.

THAT ALL BEING SAID. It was otherwise fun. And cute. The art is colorful and eye-catching. But it could be better. 2 1/2 stars.

Felt very long, kind of slow going for me. Kind of repetitive. Sal gets saved by friends (and enemies) a lot. Picks up towards the end, the last quarter was more enjoyable.½

In light of recent events and as the victims of both Sam Sykes and Myke Cole speak out on the sexual harassment, misconduct, and assaults perpetrated by one or both, I have removed my review and will no longer be supporting this or other authors that have been accused.

Believe the victims.

Perhaps someday, these authors' actions will finally outperform their words of, "I need to do better." I hope they will. But regardless, no action can remove the harm they have done to women and young authors who looked to them for guidance and leadership.

In light of recent events and as the victims of both Sam Sykes and Myke Cole speak out on the sexual harassment, misconduct, and assaults perpetrated by one or both, I have removed my review and will no longer be supporting this or other authors that have been accused.

Believe the victims.

Perhaps someday, these authors' actions will finally outperform their words of, "I need to do better." I hope they will. But regardless, no action can remove the harm they have done to women and young authors who looked to them for guidance and leadership.

Ten Arrows of Iron, The Grave of Empires Book 2
Author: Sam Sykes
Publisher: Orbit Books
Publishing Date: 2020
Pgs: 701
Dewey: F SYK
Disposition: Irving Public Library - South Campus - Irving, TX
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REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
Summary:
Sal the Cacophony -- outlaw, outcast, outnumbered -- destroys all that she loves. Her lover lost and cities burned in her wake, all she has left is her magical gun and her all-consuming quest for revenge against those who stole her power and took the sky from her.
When the roguish agent of a mysterious patron offers her the chance to participate in a heist to steal an incredible power from the famed airship fleet, the Ten Arrows, she finds a new purpose. But a plot to save the world by bringing down empires swiftly escalates into a conspiracy of magic and vengeance that threatens to burn everything to ash, including herself
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Genre:
Science Fiction
Science Fantasy
Fantasy
Swords and Sorcery
Dystopia
Horror
Post Apocalypse
War

Why this book:
Cause I loved the first one.
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The Page 100 Test:
√ ◄ - good to go.
$ ◄ - this is money.
⸮ ◄ - the sarcasm is strong with this one.
∞ ◄ - read on.
ᕦ(ò_óˇ) ◄ - strong
ᕦ(ò_ó)ᕤ ◄ - stronger

The Feel:
Sykes writing is immersive.

Favorite Character:
Sal the Cacophony is an asshole. God, I love her. I can hear Sal the Cacophony's voice. it's gruff and world-weary. It's like this writing plugs directly into my audio-visual cortex. I love it. “To hear the stories, Sal the Cacophony was a woman whose very appearance made the wind hold its breath and birds flee from the sky. they spoke of a woman hard as the blade she carried who came out of the dark and carried fire in her hands, wearing her Vagrant tattoos like they were armor and her scars like trophies, striding across the land and leaving ashes and screams in her wake.”

Favorite Scene:
The "yeah, like that." scene is greatness.

"Holy shit," he whispered, "is that the xxxcking Caco... " I pulled the trigger.

Darrishana's last scene with Sal.

Favorite Quote:
The dedication: For every reader who still carries scars.
Woof. Hit us where we live.

I rounded a corner. And hell came with me.

Favorite Concept:
A skymage who calls hurricanes and focused the power around a spear is pretty awesome. Hurricane spear would make a great RPG weapon.

Uhm Moments:
Sal the Cacophony is a hot mess. I keep thinking she's too badassed for that to happen. Then, I remember, ah...yeah, that's right.

Missed Opportunity:
Wish the crash of the airship had been a bigger scene. Course with flashbacks we may get back to it. Especially since all Sal The Cacophony stories seem to be told in flashback. Reminds me of the final scene in The Mechanic: Resurrection.

Dreamcasting:
My brain keeps thinking of a transgender Keanu playing Sal the Cacophony...and no that my brain has done that I keep seeing Sindra as Carie Anne Moss. Maybe not actually Keanu, but someone similar in demeanor.

Who could be a female Clint Eastwood? Not Eastwood today. Spaghetti Western Clint Eastwood.

Tilda Swinton as Sal. Wow.

Charlize Theron as Agne the Hammer.

The Poker Game/DND Table:
Sal would be awesome to play poker with. The twins too. …Agne too.

Movies and Television:
There are scenes in this that would be great in a movie. The WTF scene when the Giant whatever the hell that is that the Havenites made came crashing through the window.

Soundtrack:
Too Late For Love - Def Leppard
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Pacing:
The pace is incredible. This is a page turner.

Last Page Sound:
Sal being Sal she should've shot Two Lonely Old Men after she finished her wine and then walked away. I loved this book.

Author Assessment:
Love his work.

Editorial Assessment:
Well done.

Reread Pile:
I’d say that when I finish the next book in the trilogy I should re-read it.
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I absolutely loved this book!

It's filled with non-stop action, a strong female protagonist, and humourous lines that actually made me laugh out loud. This was one of those books that I hated putting down because at the end of every chapter I found myself thinking "I can't stop reading now, something big was just about to happen", because like I said, it's just non-stop!

I cannot wait to read the next book in this series, and other books by this author as well.

I think this one just wasn't going to resonate with me. It wasn't badly done, I just never really got to that point where I sank into the story and got swept up. There wasn't any one thing I hated, or loved - just a constant tolerance. Even by the end, I didn't really care if they found a solution or just all split apart and the city was destroyed. Might have been better if it did, that would've been unique and unusual. And then the constant gloom and doom would have had more impact, maybe?½

Take a group of adventurers, that seem to have never met one another before, across several races, then send them out to retrieve something stolen from you, and you have TOME OF THE UNDERGATES. This is only the first part of the series, as I see there are two more books that follow, and I am sure looking forward to reading more about Lenk and the band of adventurers.

I have seen the name Sam Sykes for awhile now, speaking of his work in the fantasy genre, and now see why he deserves such mention. The skill that he employs in managing not only an interesting story, but the constant interaction among the six-member adventure group. Add to that the background details for each, that grabs your attention, and makes you want more.

This isn't your Young Adult fantasy, folks. This is hard-core, but totally SFW.

Trying to start Sword and Laser books again. This was for October 2019. The book was quite long, but in the end I couldn't really put it down. And I cried. I wish the ending was less open, but I guess it's normal, since this is going to be a series. And part of it was wrapped up. I definitely want to read more. Also other books from the same author. I feel a bit emotionally empty now, the book took a lot out of me, as best of them do. Also extra bonus for a man who can write women well. And to have a grown woman be the main character is also something I enjoyed a lot. A broken one, but a grown one.

Will make it to the in person book club in LA on Saturday, so I'm happy I finished the book before that.

Brianna’s ailing father, a renowned chef, challenges Brianna and her 15 older brothers to each establish a successful restaurant and inherit the family name and reputation. Brianna has only just graduated from culinary school so, broke and unestablished anywhere, she ends up in Monster City where rent is cheap. But how welcoming will monsters be to human cuisine?

I grabbed this on a whim as I was prowling through my library’s shelves last week. Who can resist a bright and cheerful cover that also portrays monsters? Not me.

This was really cute and contained important messages about friendship; overcoming self-doubt; and living for your own ideals of happiness, not those dictated by someone else.

Brianna was a well-developed character who looks sweet on the outside but who is plagued by demons of self-doubt that make her lash out at others. She’s in a stressful situation and the youngest in a family of thirteen. It’s understandable. But she learns her lessons and makes her apologies and tries to grow and be a better person. The supporting characters also showed growth and they were a lot of fun to read about as well.

The illustrations are beautifully done in the same style as the cover. I loved looking at the monsters and seeing them contrasted against Brianna’s cute little cafe.

This is a standalone graphic novel as far as I can tell. I enjoyed it so much that I’m slightly disappointed.

I highly recommend this for readers who struggle with their own self-doubt and especially for anyone who is as drawn to that cute cover as I am. For those who enjoy cooking, there are even four recipes from the book included at the end.

I was slightly troubled throughout this story - I had some issue with the fact that this is basically the story of a marginalized community being invaded by a privileged person.

If you can ignore that, it's a cute story about friendship and finding yourself.

There were also some weird unexplored threads that I wish Sykes had done more with, particularly with the brother and the father (who was supposed to be this mysterious figure, and when finally revealed, I had no clue if I was supposed to know who he was).

It's the tale of a woman who seeks revenge on the magical former comrades who ruined her magic. When successful she crosses them off her list. some tasteful lesbian love included.

My review of this book can be found on my Youtube Vlog at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soCzlbyKomo

Enjoy!

Book two of the Aeon's Gate trilogy picks up mere moments after the end of Tome of the Undergates with the intrepid Lenk recording recent events in his journal. The Tome of the Undergates has been recovered, and yet the gates of hell remain closed. Lenk and his five companions set sail to bring the accursed relic away from the demonic reach of Ulbecetonth, the Kraken Queen. But after weeks at sea, tensions amidst the adventurers are rising. Their troubles are only beginning when their ship crashes upon an island made of the bones left behind from a war long dead.

And it appears that bloodthirsty alien warrior women, fanatical beasts from the deep, and heretic-hunting wizards are the least of their concerns. Haunted by their pasts, plagued by their gods, tormented by their own people, and gripped by madness personal and peculiar, their greatest foes may yet be themselves.

Critics of the first book lamented that the characters were too thinly sketched, the bulk of the book being taken up by some longer than usual action scenes. In this second volume, Sykes flips that expectation on us. We delve deeper into each of the characters, getting more tantalizing glints of their depth and background as they recover on the island of the dead. To be sure, while the first book was a book of struggling, this second volume gives us a better understanding on why each of our characters - and I don't just mean our protagonists - are struggling and what it is they are trying to achieve. Which in the case of our (un)lucky band of adventurers is largely what they are struggling to run away from.

The problem, of course, is that we spend most of the book introspecting the characters, their flaws, backgrounds, motives, and favorite past times that we never quite make any headway in the story. In fact, the only real progress in the books is delivered by two new characters that are external to the adventurer party, one a librarian (don't snicker, librarians can kick your butt) on a mission to step any who use magic without paying the price (Oh Netherlings...), and the other who is commonly known as the Moth, a vassal of the Deep Shriek sent out to release the Father. The story advances under the stewardship of these two characters, but they have scenes too far and few between to give the rest of the novel momentum.

And this is why the second volume of a series usually drags. The first volume hit us with such force and speed, the second volume had a bar set higher than it could reasonably achieve.

And yet I will still recommend this book to you. It was a well written and fine addition to the series, with all the Shict loving you can handle. Hopefully in volume three, now that we understand what compels most of the POV characters in such detail already, we will return to the tour de force that was book one, but with a better understanding and appreciation of what is driving Lenk and his merry band.

If you read through the reviews for this book, they boil down to two camps - the haters and the lovers. I have to admit, I originally qualified as the former the first time I tried reading this book. The book initially feels like a transcript from a frat boy fantasy RPG, with a vibe that just left me disinterested.

Time passed and the world turned, as they say, and I gave the book another shot. Read it in a week, and will probably try and get a hold of the sequel(s) at some point to boot (there's only one as I write this, but I think Sykes has mentioned that the third volume is already done). The book is a fantasy action lark without any redeeming quality, which is the first clue to the kind of reader that will enjoy this. If you loved Abercrombie's First Law books, but wished they had a metric ton more magic, then you'll probably enjoy Tome. The characters aren't really heroes or heroic, and yet by the end you understand what makes them tick (mostly), and why they are the crappy examples of morality that they are.

Cons? "Adventurers" just sounds too much like we're describing a bunch of my fellow geeks on a Saturday night, and really shouldn't be in a self respecting book. Also, the book can be pretty evenly divided into the half where we think everyone's a jerk, and the half where we learn, one by one, what each character's motivating secret is.

Pros - everything else. Don't go looking for a lost ballad and you'll have a blast. Watery tarts, magic fire, purple skinned warriors, elf-like pro-antagonists, demons, gates to hell, the works, all wrapped in a neat, tidy package.

In this final installment of the Aeon's Gate trilogy we journey to the island of Jaga. Death has followed, chased, and clung to our crew of adventurers, and a soujourn to Jaga won't change the fact that they are walking into the gaping maw of Ulbecetonth herself. An island surrounded by the statues of lost gods, occupied by lonely hostile warrior lizardmen, and under attack by wave after wave of longfaced purple warrior women who are only content in battle.

So, a lot more of the same, which isn't a bad thing. Sykes picked up the gauntlet where it lay when we finished Black Halo and carried it to an almost satisfactory conclusion. Some questions remained, and Sykes has all but admitted that's because he plans on writing more stories in this universe. The questions that did remain after reading this novel were the larger picture questions, the kind that are called "spoilers."

What should returning readers look forward to? Expect to find resolution between Lenk and Kat (as much resolution as possible between a man with voices in his head and a shickt who's people are sworn to eliminate the human infection from the face of the planet). The answers you wanted for Denaos' history or Asper's hand are covered. We even get a glimpse of where the Netherlings come from.

All in all, this third book did a great job of bringing this chapter of the story to a conclusion, while still leaving room for expansion in the future. As the conclusion of a trilogy, this book was probably the least accessible to new readers, but that's not to be unexpected in a series. I think returning readers will find that this book balances well against the first book in terms of amounts of action and pace.

RHEGA!!!

This is book 1 of a new series by Sam Sykes. I really liked, or rather enjoyed, because she isn't a particularly likable character, the protagonist. The method of telling the story is unusual, and sometimes a bit hard to follow in the audiobook, but it works. The story plays out intermittently as flashbacks. The narrator is excellent. I love her accent, which i think is Australian. The reason i'm only giving it 3 stars is twofold: It's more of what i think is now called "grim dark" fantasy, and it's the first book in a series, so it's laying groundwork and the ending is more of a preparation for coming books than an actual ending. "Grim Dark" fantasy is a newer genre, the best examples of which are The First Law series and A Song of Ice and Fire series. I couldn't finish the first book in the First Law series after 3 separate attempts, and the George R.R. Martin series is hard going. I'm up to date on that series, but it certainly isn't fun reading. I suspect this new series by Sam Sykes may fall between the two. An easier and more fun read the ASOIAF and less hard than The First Law series. If you like the grim and dark fantasy genre, definitely get this one.

It deals directly with racism in a decent way, and the characters are cute. However, if this is a one-off I would be pretty unsatisfied. It ends with a lot of loose ends, and the one regarding the racism of the fantasy world would have really benefited from some closure. I'd have appreciated some closure with other characters, too, like Brianna's dad, her brother, and the budding romance between the other two side characters.½

Seven Blades in Black
Author: Sam Sykes
Publisher: Orbit Books
Publishing Date: 2019
Pgs: 692
Dewey: F SYK
Disposition: Irving Public Library - South Campus - Irving, TX
_________________________________________________
REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS

Summary:
Outcast. Rebel. Victim of treachery. Warlord. Weapon of mass destruction. Mage.

Her gifts stolen and left for dead. She rises and strides forth into The Scar with one purpose the death of those who brought her low, those who stole the sky from her. To get this revenge, she has made a deal with a demon, a spirit, a mimic...maybe just a figment of her imagination, monstrous in his own right. Together the symbiotic being known as Sal the Cacophony will carve the wastelands between the Imperium and the Revolution in her own image. Torn. Deadly. Burning with fire. Magic at the end of the grinning barrel of the gun known as The Cacophony. The List must die. Anyone who gets in her way must die.

Revenge comes screaming its name and launching fear into the hearts of those close enough to hear. Failure places a demon on the throne of the Imperium and that way lies destruction for everyone. The feast of darkness awaits.

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Genre:
Fantasy
Action
Adventure
Epic Fantasy
Magic
Wizards
Gun Fu

Why this book:
Still on my palace intrigue kick and this fell into my sight line.
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The Feel:
If John Wick was a magician...If Sergio Leone’s Man with No Name was a wizard...If the Old West was full of magic and caught between forces at Civil War with each other.

Favorite Character:
Sal the Cacophony, hands down. Great character. Wish she’d get on with it a bit more. But yeah, awesome character.

Liette is a great character. Freemaker. Rune mistress. Twenty-Two Dead Roses in a Chipped Porcelain Vase...cause Freemakers have names like that.

Plot Holes/Out of Character:
Liette has seen Sal’s scars. Her attitude after the battle on the Ashmouth’s ship is horrible. Yes, she has put her back together only to see her broken again. But doesn’t she wonder at the relation of The List, the scars, and the way Sal is. She can’t stop. She has to see it through. And while it’s understandable for Liette to want her to stop, how can she not see what it means...feel what it means when she runs her hands over Sal’s scars.

Favorite Scene / Quote/Concept:
The gun magic motif is awesome.

Love the opening bar fight sequence.

The gunfight with the Revolutionaries and The Cult of Haven with Sal and Liette caught in the middle. And the flesh golem. Badassed.

Great worldbuilding, lots of crunchy bits.

A thorn golem? Okay...okay...thorn mage, but thinking of a thorn golem makes Galta seem so much more badassed. And Talto is basically a living shadow. Pretty cool. But how does an unarmed Sal take these two? ...cause the Cacophony wants to find her as much as she wants to find him...you know...if he’s sentient and not just a gun and Sal is crazy.

Paragraph/Line of the Year Nominee:
The quietest, loud sound ever is someone’s faith dying.

Hmm Moments:
Nth hounds and Scaiths...great take on blink dogs/displacer beasts and demons from beyond.

Magic bullets, magic guns, magic tanks, magic flamethrower...pretty cool.

WTF Moments:
Yes, main character, you have become that stupid. Leaving a strong enemy behind, one who you had the drop on, one who was on your list, one who all you had to do was walk into the room and finish up with, and now, he’s risen and is gnashing at your throat. Yes, you have become that stupid.

Meh / PFFT Moments:
Seems like a lot of the mage power is all in the execution. Vraki is powerful, but wouldn’t the rest be super powerful too if they used some brain power along with the magic.

Sal suffers from a lot of Mary Sue. She’s a badass. The bad guys are afraid of her enough that they keep trying to kill her. But they keep getting the drop on her and not finishing her off. It’s a hard Meh in an otherwise wonderful bit of immersive storytelling.

The Sigh:
Really got tired of the bad guys getting away. Plots foiled, but getting away. ...or leading her deeper into the trap.

Juxtaposition:
It reads like a Western that forgot it was supposed to be a Western. ...that’s neither good or bad, it just is.

The Unexpected:
Dawned on me that I’m reading this like I’m RPGing at Sykes’ table. I’m playing Sal and Liette. It’s a helluva group. The NPCs are awesome. The villains are great. The setting is superb. The monsters, weapons, and magic...let’s just say that this is all very good.

The healing potion being the reanimated remains of a wizard sloshing around in a vial and fighting to not be drank. Eewww. Bleakbrew...heavy on the ewwwww.

Missed Opportunity:
I called the ball with a 3rd to go. I thought, what if it’s all a trap to sacrifice her again or to complete the one from before that she survived. Glad I didn’t see the way that they twisted it instead...and I know it would have been a bit cliched, but still think it would have been awesome that way. Would’ve given Liette and Cavric bigger roles in the end too.

Another one would be the missed opportunity that she isn’t still laying in Liette’s bed with a complex rune drawn around her showing her the future and how to take care of the mages on her list, allowing her to hurry back to Liette...where she belongs. Yes...yes, I’m shipping them, hard.

Odd that the biggest fight was with someone not on Sal’s list. The fights with the bastards on the list were sorta anticlimactic after her battle with the Siegemage.

Predictability/Non-Predictability:
Geez. No one in The Scar is trustworthy.

Thought I saw Blaze of Glory ending coming. Glad I was wrong.

Soundtrack:
Bon Jovi’s Dead or Alive.
Thin Lizzy’s Cowboy Song.
Marty Robbins El Paso trilogy
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Pacing:
The pace is awesome throughout.

The reading pace/action pace is great, but more than halfway through the story and The List isn’t getting any shorter. Hell some of these guys she’s facing off with aren’t even on The List. Needs a bit more “get busy living, or get busy dying.”

Last Page Sound:
So was it all BS? I’d say partly BS. Maybe. It’s pure Sal the Cacophony. Good stuff.

Questions I’m Left With:
But wasn’t that everybody on The List?

Author Assessment:
More.

Editorial Assessment:
Well done.
_________________________________________________½

There's a monastery full of Lenks? Oh boy, this is gonna get nuts.

The bands back together again and, well, they're not happy about it. A solid end to a fantastic series. Well done.

I think this is probably actually a really good book. I think it probably does really well at what it's doing (that being a canny, conscious, dark-edged-comedy take on ye olde fantasy adventure crew). The characters seemed interesting, and the style was a delight. I'm just not into what it's doing right now.

I was very excited to win an ARC of the this book via Goodreads giveaway contest. I really enjoyed this book, it was fast-paced and had humor. I enjoyed the characters and am looking forward to the sequel.

This was an adorable graphic novel about a girl with fifteen brothers who has to open her own restaurant and have it be more successful than the other fifteen in order to win the family legacy. Only, Brianna ends up opening her restaurant in Monster City, where she's almost the only human.

I liked the art style and I loved the characters, but I felt like the plot was lacking, a lot. I mean, part of the conflict in the story is that monsters can't legally eat sugar, flour or cooked meat, but like.... there are plenty of human foods without those? There are humans who are vegetarian, or can't eat sugar and flour? There are other options! Brianna could just... use those, instead of having the illegal substances in her restaurant?? This was something that I just really couldn't get over. My suspension of disbelief covered the monsters, but not this part.

Suzan is awesome, though.

(Also: If you want to read this, be aware that the main character is very insecure and anxious, which was nice to see because she kept on fighting despite that, but there is A LOT of self-hate, including internalised fatphobia that could be triggering.)