Samantha SchutzReseñas

CW: Suicidal thoughts and attempts. Anxiety.

CW: A lot of reference to suicide, drug use, anxiety, panic attacks.

2.5 Stars

Absolutely heartbreaking!

While reading this book I felt as though I was grieving a lost loved one.

The realness was there and it was thick! The emotions I felt were intense and the storyline easily pulled me in.



Annaleah had a secret relationship with Brian... She had true feelings and thought he did as well. When she comes to find out he passed away un expectantly her world is turned upside down. There is a hole in her heart and an emptiness in her life. As she grieves though, you come to learn that maybe Brian and her didn't have the relationship Annaleah thought they did.



Throughout this book you get glimpses of the present and the past. You get to see why she is the person she is and also why she was so wrapped up in Brian. Yes, you will have a love/hate relationship with him. Some parts I loved him and felt for him, others... not so much.



Overall I thought this was a great YA read with a HEA!!

This book is about a girl who suffers anxiety disorder, from the ups and downs of life as a little girl to being in college and out of her parents house. At first she loved the idea of independence until the pressure increased, leaving her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated.

Interesting look at death and loss and grieving.

Annaleah struggles with the death of her boyfriend ~ a boyfriend that was secret and only a few knew about. Her friends help support her through the grieving process.

Yes, another book in verse. This one was all free verse. More than being about loss it was about overcoming grief. Figuring out how to move on with you life and feeling okay in doing so. The sudden loss of her secret boyfriend Brian, paralyzes Annaleah. She's flash frozen and defined by that moment. Slowly, she begins to understand that she cannot move beyond it all without the help of those that surround her. I loved the words of wisdom that Brian's grandmother departed to her. Although, my favorite quote from the book is, "Someone should arrest him before he befriends someone else." In the moment it was funny. The cover is beautiful as well. I'm giving this one 4 kisses!

When I received this book, I didn't realize it was a young adult book, but it turned out to be be better than I expected. It is very short, with the pages set up like little poems, but I liked the simplicity of the way the story flowed. I read the book in about an hour and a half when I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep, and it was the perfect book for this time of day. I think my 16 year old self would have identified with Annaleah's grief over the death of her almost-boyfriend and first love. My teenage self would probably have given it another star.½

Reviewed by Sally Kruger aka "Readingjunky" for TeensReadToo.com

I was excited to see Samantha Schutz had written a novel. Her memoir, I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY, revealed her talent as a writer and her tremendous ability to describe her own very raw and painful experiences.

YOU ARE NOT HERE is a novel in verse. The focus is on Annaleah and the sudden and tragic death of someone near and dear to her.

If pressed, Annaleah would not be able to articulate her true relationship with Brian. They've been seeing each other for a short while and have shared a first kiss and much more, but to say he is her boyfriend still doesn't seem quite right. Their relationship has not included any outsiders. When Annaleah visits Brian, he always hustles her out before his father comes home. She hasn't really shared her budding romance with friends, either. Her one attempt to describe her feelings about Brian brought harsh criticism from her closest friend, Marissa. And as far as introducing Brian to her mother, forget about it. Better to leave that woman in the dark.

Because of the secretive nature of their relationship, when Brian suddenly dies while playing basketball, Annaleah has nowhere to turn. Since no one truly understands, she withdraws, spending all her time either in her room or visiting his gravesite. Their relationship was viewed as casual, causing Annaleah's mother and friends to look upon her continued grieving as unnecessary and ridiculous. Unable to explain, Annaleah sinks deeper and deeper into despair as she mourns the loss of a young man she realizes may not even have loved her.

Schutz explores the human reaction to death and loss in YOU ARE NOT HERE. The process of grieving is such a personal experience, and Schutz demonstrates that fact as she takes Annaleah on this often lonesome journey. Readers looking for a "problem" type novel will find this fast read satisfying, although rather predictable.

The Good Stuff

* Absolutely wonderful, absorbing and real, you will not want to put it down
* Unusual, raw and poignant
* I'm at a loss on how to express how wonderful I though this book was. If you have ever lost someone you love, you will recognize all the thoughts and emotions that Annaleah goes through in her grieving process
* Must go find more of the author's books tomorrow - seriously impressed
* The last chapter is sad and beautiful and hopeful
* Some nice light humour
* Secondary characters bring in some nice brief insight
* Easy quick read that really could grab the attention of a reluctant reader
* Truly heartbreaking at times, I dare you not to tear up at least a little

The Not so Good Stuff

* The short prose that at first glance looks like poetry may turn some off (it almost made me put it down) very glad I didn't
* Once again a Mom is useless, but as I have mentioned before, teens think we are, so I really should let that go
* Not for those who are only in to fluff

Favorite Quotes/Passages

"I am a different kind of ghost. There are no traces of me here except for my fingerprints. Brian was the only other person who shared my memories here. And now that he is gone, I am their sole keeper."

"It is the day after Brian's funeral. The sky should be black. Lightning should knife through the air. There should be blast of thunder. Rain should fall in bullets and shatter windshields."

"Brian died, not you, Annaleah. Your life can't stop just because his did."

"Definitely not Mr. Lowry. He was giving me a D in history. I don't think someone who gave you Ds would speak at your funeral."

What I Learned

* Grief sucks and it is really lonely. Yeah, never mind, I have lost my Mom and my Dad -- learned that horrible lesson long ago.
* Nothing more intense than teenage love

Who should/shouldn't read

* Teens who have lost someone they love -- never mind in general teens will love this. Catches their feelings and thought processes dead on -- bought me back to those years and the heightened emotions
* Pretty much anyone who has lost someone, will understand Annaleah's grief and living and learning through it
* A must have for any high school or public library

4.5 Dewey's

I received this from Scholastic in exchange for an honest review

When Samantha leaves for college, she expects to find independence from the strict rules of her parents house, not to face increasingly debilitating panic attacks. This memoir is a good look at the challenges of living with panic disorder. Told in free verse, Samantha describes all aspects of her experience, from how a panic attack feels to the types of medications that she tries to dealing with the other challenges of college life on top of a mental illness. The verse splits the narrative up into shorter lines, which may make it a good choice for reluctant readers, but otherwise does not add much to the work. Characters also remain underdeveloped, and readers looking for a detailed account of life in college will be disappointed, as Samantha compresses all four years of college and her first year post-college into a 280 page volume. A list of resources for those dealing with anxiety and panic disorder is provided at the end of the volume. Recommended for high schoolers and older, especially those who know someone with mental illness.½

Samantha Schutz shares her thoughts, phobias, and day to day struggles in this poetic memoir of her painful realization that she has anxiety disorder. She has been given everything she needs to become successful in life from her parents, but, something they cannot give her is peace of mind when she begins having panic attacks at the age of 17. She lets the reader into her most secret and personal thoughts and feelings while she tries to cope with the internal conflict between her mind and body. With more and more pressure being placed on teens today regarding grades, schools, and acceptance, I Don’t Want to be Crazy is a must read for all high school and college students.

Like it has been ripped out of her personal journal, I Don’t Want to be Crazy will keep readers interested through the daily account of Samantha’s life while she tries to come to terms with a hidden disease. This memoir deals with a teen’s life from high school through college graduation and beyond. Many YA’s think they are the only ones living with anxiety disorder, when actually an estimated 13% of the U.S. adult population suffers for this disease. While living through this with my husband shortly after he graduated from college, Schut’z memoirs are very similar to what we were fighting several years ago. This book can certainly help anyone going through this.

It's like a Hopkins book. It has a lot of drama. I saw it was like Ellen Hopkins' books and I thought it'd be good. It wasn't as good as I thought though. AHS/SM

Reviewed by Sally Kruger, aka "Readingjunky" for TeensReadToo.com

Millions of people suffer from anxiety disorder (panic attacks) on a daily basis. Most suffer needlessly, either due to lack of medical treatment, misdiagnosis, or ignorance of the condition. I DON'T WANT TO BE CRAZY is one woman's brave confession of her struggles with the debilitating disorder.

Samantha Schutz was first diagnosed with anxiety disorder at age seventeen, after years of suffering with the problem. She uses this memoir to describe the devastating effects of the condition on her life and her relationships. The book chronicles the ups and downs of Samantha's life from age seventeen until she graduates from college and gets her first job in the publishing industry.

Told in verse, the story reveals everything from the gripping terror of the attacks to the many therapists she consulted for help. Samantha titles her entries with the current drugs (Klonopin, Serzone, Xanax, Paxil, etc.) and the dosages she was prescribed to treat her condition. She also explains her attempts to stop the medications, and her belief that things would get better, only to relapse with increasing frequency.

Samantha's honesty is evident throughout. She doesn't promise miracle cures, and she truly marvels at the support she received from her family and most of her friends. This is an inspiring book for anyone living with or connected to someone living with anxiety disorder.

A bit too long, but a very good examination of the stress of leaving home for college and what anxiety disorder looks like from the inside. Told in free verse, which is interesting.

When Samantha Schutz started college, she began to have frightening episodes for which she had no explanation. She would become fearful, particularly during class, have difficulty breathing, experience heart palpitations, and sometimes pass out. Every episode made things worse: fear of having an attack could trigger an attack. Eventually, Schutz learned that she was having panic attacks, and she suffered from panic disorder.

This is a frank, heartfelt memoir, told in free verse, that describes Schutz's college years and her struggle with anxiety and panic. I was dubious about the poetry format -- who wants to read someone else's poetry about their depression and anxiety? -- but it actually works really, really well. Schutz is able to capture moments and episodes in her life with wrenching clarity, and out of the short poems a complete portrait emerges. I think this is a particularly important book because there are so many memoirs of depression, and comparatively few that describe what it is like to live with unending anxiety. This was published as a YA book, but I would recommend it to just about anyone.

This is a really good book. It teached you a lot about what going through panic attacks is like. I loved how it was written.

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is Samantha Schutz’s true account of her college years as she dealt with her anxiety disorder. The book lets you delve into her world and experience first hand what a panic attack feels like and how terrified you can become of having another. This is an eye-opening book and is written in easy to read verse formatting.

I thought this book was well written, but it does not have enough of a plot or story to keep teens interested unless they or someone they know has an anxiety disorder. The book covers four years of Samantha’s life and is less than 300 pages long, so there are constant leaps in time which can be confusing. There are also too many friends and boys mentioned to easily keep track of. Overall it is a good book, but it has a somewhat limited audience.

This book is a sad and true account of a girl's struggle with Anxiety Disorder. It is a very good book, and almost painful to understand what Samantha goes through.½

Samantha Schutz has written her memoir. This is a true story about a girl who is diagnosed with anxiety disorder at age 17. The book takes the reader through Samantha's struggle to get her condition under control. She graduates from high school, goes to college, and gets her first job in the publishing business. All the while she is suffering from recurring panic attacks.

Written in verse, it is quick reading and will help anyone who suffers from panic attacks or knows someone who does.
AR points = 5½

Written in verse, this memoir chronicles Samantha's anxiety disorder from its sudden onset in college through much of her treatment. It offers an optimistic ending, because she does learn to live with and manage her disorder (though we are never given any sort of nonsense hint that she is "cured"). A very compelling read for anyone intersted in memoir or YA books and a must-read if you or someone you know suffers from an anxiety disorder.

Girl suffering from panic disorder. Written in poetry format.

It was okay.½