Loren A. OlsenReseñas

Having known many gay and lesbian men and women who cam out later in life, I found this book very enlightening. In this way, it is a very comprehensive view of the myriad issues that all gay people must go through on their journey to acceptance, while also being very specific to a generation that had to grope in the dark and find a path without role models.

Of particular note was that Dr. Olson again and again points out the recurring nature of doubt, confusion and depression that faces gay people. Some people get stuck in one part of this journey or another; others end up using various coping mechanisms that hinder their ability to grow. Because many of these are so clearly outlined in this book, I find it a useful guide to the family and friends of those coming out as much as for adults coming to terms with their own sexuality. I have especially recommended this work to family and friends who are from a more conservative background or from an older generation.

And yet, oddly, I think the audience that can be most helped by this book is younger gay and lesbian people who can have some understanding and sympathy at previous generations and the added struggles they have had in this regard.

I just couldn't get into it, I tried, I really did. I'm normally interested in this kind of subject matter.

I wasn't expecting to connect too much to this subject matter, seeing as i am a younger woman, but I am always for a coming out story. This was so much more than that. Word to word it seemed like a lot to take in, but when you step back you can see the the bigger picture. You can see him answers some huge questions of life with honesty. Its not always easy. I walked away from reading this book with a sense of pride and feeling good about being strong enough and loving yourself enough to BE yourself. About being true to yourself and those you love..

The professional aspect with numbers figures and studies sometimes slowed the pace of reading. But it definitely gave a unique insight. Most of it was things I had never even thought about. The personal aspects were touching. His internal struggles, and pain were heartbreaking.

All in all I really enjoyed the read. It absolutely opened my eyes to new route of thinking and other obstacles that I had never seen or thought of before.

To be honest, I didn't enjoy this book as much as I'd hoped. As a member of the glbt community and someone with a lay interest in psychology, I had high hopes. It was disappointed by the disjointed nature of the book and gave up about half-way through. I tried hard to get into it, but the combination of different approaches didn't work for me. I wish he had focused either on the psychology or on the stories - - or at least done either for a longer period of time so that you could get more into the narrative.

Perhaps this is just what it purports to be--'A Psychiatrist's Own story.' Rather than a clear and beautiful narrative about how Mr. Olson's life had been affected by his repressed homosexuality , this book is muddled by the professional gaze of a psychiatrist . Unfortunately, the quality of the writing in the book is not strong enough to produce a story that integrates the professional and the personal gaze.

We are left with a disjointed volume filled with hard facts and unnecessary insets; personal stories of pain and lessons in basic moral philosophy. It doesn't really work.

With a narrow audience focus I expected to be only mildly interested in this book. I am, after all, not a middle aged man who has sex with men. The author surpassed my expectations. I found myself fascinated by the science and heart contained within this book and would heartily recommend it to both gay men, those who love them, and anyone who has struggled with coming out about their sexuality (whichever closet they may have resided in) at any stage of their life. In fact, if you just find psychology and the sciences of the brain fascinating, or you work with sexuality in any caregiver capacity, you'll want to give this one a read too. Dr Olson does a fantastic job of mixing the science of why we do what we do with the sociology of studies and surveys, then tops it off with his own personal stories and those of men he has spoken with, bringing all that science back home to roost. A few times i found that the chapter title or heading didn't seem to quite fit with the contents, but with that as my only quibble I can still very highly recommend this book. Finally Out is more than it appears to be, and deeper than expected. Bravo, Loren.

Alright, I give up. I just can finish it! For some reason, as soon as I pick this one up, my attention is pulled elsewhere. Now, that's not to say it's a boring book. Many of the bits and pieces are interesting and engaging; but, more aren't.

If you are, or are trying to empathize with a middle age man in the process of coming out, you will benefit from some of the histories and experiences described within. If not, well, I'm not sure you'll connect with this one.

Like some of the other Early Reviewers, I expected this book to be an inspirational, very personal coming-out story primarily about the author’s experiences. It is in fact something different--an assemblage of different kinds of writing, including case studies, personal autobiographical stories and commentary, discussions of therapeutic practice and scientific research. Where I expected strong, sustained focus on his personal experience, Dr. Olson's gaze moves between many different ways of dealing with the general subject.

Olson is at his best when writing in the Case-History mode, about himself or others’ experience of wrestling with homosexual desire in middle age. “Finally Out” has many well-written and insightful passages that evoke personal experiences of coming out (to oneself and others) or not coming out (for various reasons). Th scientific and therapeutic discussions have assemblages of statistics and free explorations of the prevailing beliefs about gayness, science, psychiatry, etc. They might be useful for a therapist, but did not hold my interest. Overall, a nice introduction to the subject, with some very nice parts; probably most useful for therapists and their patients, and not for more casual readers like myself.

Not what I thought it would be - which is not always a bad thing, except in this case.

The personal story behind the book isn't given as much attention as it deserves and is seen more so through fragments throughout the novel, behind the psychiatry. That's one thing I could have done with less of - the psychiatric concepts and analyses on surveys and studies in an effort to understand or make headway on the area.

This book is searching for answers but does not seem to find them, yet remains an enlightening read and one of the few on the niche topic. While I'd like to say this would be of interest to any reader, this took me quite a while to slog through. Yes, I learned a few things and understood a bit more about another subculture, but it still left me wanting more at the end and feeling unchanged overall.

It's very hard in any situation to give a personal, emotional story, as well as a psychiatric analysis. Unfortunately, it doesn't work here.½

If I could give a copy of this book to every middle-age to older man who thinks he might be gay I would! Loren A. Olson, an American psychiatrist, has done an excellent job of weaving together is own story with mixed method research. The book is unique in that it's part accessible academic, part gay man 101, and part self-help book. Readers get research, but also a practical guide to "the gay community" (if there is such a thing!). For this excellent mix, I'm giving it a favourable review. The editing could be better, but overall I'd highly recommend this book to older men who realize they're gay.

This is an uneven book, and would have been better served with a tighter editorial hand. There is no discernable logical progression of the topics discussed, and even within individual chapters, there are often no cohesive themes. As other reviewers have indicated, the title and jacket copy lead one to believe that it will be largely autobigraphical, with other bits woven in. In fact, the poor editiing makes the biographical information very non-linear, and almost intrusive upon the ohter portions which discuss gay men and their psycho, socio, and medical history. The portion regarding testosterone replacement therapy comes off as informercial-ish, especially given the prominence of quotes from the blurber Dr. Morgentaler (author of _Testosterone for Life_) on the book's jacket.

That said, I know of few other books about not just older gay men, but men who lived straight lives until their mid-lives. I might recommend Mel White's _Stranger at the Gate_ for another tale of coming out later in life, though the author of that work realizes his sexual orientation much earlier than Dr. Olson and that obviously affects the work (as well as Mel White's story being tied more directly to his religious upbringing and career).

When I saw Finally Out—Letting Go of Living Straight on the LibraryThing list, the subject matter intrigued me. I have an uncle as well as friends who are gay so I thought I could learn something from the book.

Dr. Olson is very informative and provided a ton of data and statistics on a multitude of topics. Much of the information is taken from past studies, medical literature, interviews and the like. The book is basically a compilation of all this information and presented in one consolidated location. Almost like a textbook or reference book. Finally Out is a great “self help” type book for those people questioning their sexual orientation later in life—both the individual with those questions and the spouse of that individual. Beware, however, if you are more on the conservative side. There is explicit language and activities mentioned in there.

All that said, I was prepared for a totally different of book. I was looking forward to a more personalized story. There were some blurbs about Dr. Olson’s personal journey but I was expecting much more of his story. All the data provided could be found on the internet if someone were inclined to do some research. I wanted to hear more about his thoughts, emotions and feelings—what he went through during that time in his life.

I guess if I were in the situation of needing a book to let me know I’m not alone, this is the book I’d want. On the flip side, if I was looking for more of a touchy-feely book (no pun intended), I don’t think this is the book I’m looking for. Based on those thoughts, I’m giving this book 3 out of 5 stars. It’s well written and full of information, just not the book I was expecting.

There's a significant lack of resources for people coming out later in life, and Finally Out begins to fill the gap. In the course of telling his own story, Dr. Olson gives a good deal of advice on coping with change, understanding and becoming comfortable with oneself, and mixes in plenty of information on men's health.

Finally Out is firmly focused on cisgender men coming out as gay. It would be interesting (and useful!) to have a similar book for trans men; I imagine many of the emotional waypoints that Dr. Olson discusses would be different. Also, I would have liked to see Dr. Olson give more space to addressing male bisexuality. He's very clear about stating that for some men it's a firm identity and not a transitory stage but the point really gets buried. Men who identify as bisexual and are coming to terms with that later in life could absolutely use the support. Maybe in his next book?

Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, A Psychiatrist's Own Story is Loren Olsen’s memoir. His journey as a gay man is an interesting one. He married and fathered two children before owning his homosexuality and “coming out”.

The memoir relates his life experiences from early childhood, discovery of his true sexual orientation, coming out to his family and now anticipating the end of life.

As a psychiatrist, Olsen has many observations that should benefit others seeking knowledge about the aging homosexual population. I believe this book will be a source of information as well as a comfort and inspiration for many.

With "Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight" Dr. Loren Olson delivers an all-in-one memoir, psychology, and self-help text about coming out of the closet in later life. Through discussion of key psychological concepts and personal stories Olson, who came out at forty, explains why the coming out process can be delayed for some men, and in doing so attempts to submarine the misconception that gay men who marry women and raise families are only using their wives and children to hide their sexuality.

Though it is good to see this largely ignored aspect of the gay experience given a thorough examination, "Finally Out" tries to be so many things at once that the text never really coalesces into cohesive narrative. The history lessons, psychological concepts, personal stories and advice contained in each chapter do not feel like parts of a larger whole, but a jumble of ideas thrown together at random. When using personal stories to illustrate psychological concepts Olson often fails to explain exactly how the story relates to the concept or the overarching theme of the chapter. This disconnect made me feel like I was reading two separate and distinct books, not a unified text.

"Finally Out" contains a lot of useful information, but it is trying to do too much. Olson should have written a psychology book or a memoir, not both at the same time.

I was highly disappointed by this book. First of all, it is in desperate need of a harsh editor. If this book did have an editor, that person was clearly too nice to the author. Exclamation marks, odd phrasing, and awkward wording pervades the work. Secondly, the author has far too much sympathy for the closeted anti-gay types. Although it is tough to be out as gay, there is a difference between a closet case and a closet case who actively works towards the detriment of other LGBT individuals. The author was a closet case himself but did not work to harm other LGBT individuals, whereas those for him he has so much compassion, like Larry Craig, actually worked on legislation to hurt LGBT community members. Craig and his ilk are not sad closet cases to be pitied, they are men who cynically play straight for political power while indulging in same-sex desires in secret. The author ought to consider that before tripping over himself to feel sorry for them. Thirdly, in his wish to provide a book benefiting older closet cases who have finally come out, the author unnecessarily pillories the younger, more active, more vocal LGBT community. If it weren't for that community, he would not have a platform for his viewpoints and a market for his book, so he could have at least acknowledged and given due respect to the more urban, out, vocal LGBT individuals instead of being angry at them for not being rural and straight-acting enough. Fourthly, there are some very odd anecdotes in the book that seem to be there for no reason. The one that comes to my mind is the one in which he tries doing drag. It seems unnecessarily and uncomfortably transphobic for him to talk about how stupid dressing up as the opposite gender is for him; plenty of people, gay or straight, try things that don't work out for them, but all of us don't feel the need to awkwardly recount those experiences as some kind of proof that we are a superior gay. Last, but not least, the author seems to be disdainful of so much, from men who do drag to people who rightly oppose closeted anti-gay politicians, that I felt he was writing to assuage straight people's fears instead of for the LGBT crowd who would be more likely to buy and read his book.

There is definitely a need for books aimed towards ex-straight people. This book might fit into that need somehow, but it is woefully inadequate.

Not what I was expecting, but I guess that's my fault for making assumptions. The cover says, "A Psychiatrist's Own Story" and so I was expecting a biography of sorts with alot of discussion given to how a gay man functions as a psychiatrist when psychiatry says he's sick. What there was, instead, was a mash-up of snippets of his personal life, medical science, psychiatry, statistics, and history. I liked everything but the personal bits. The personal bits didn't really tell me too much I hadn't already known about men who were once married with children and had come out of the closet. What he did tell us about his personal life seemed often irrelevant to the overall topic of the chapter and I found myself confused alot about why that particular bit of biography was mentioned at all. For example, one section talks about his grandfather's suicide by shooting, then to the grandfather's denial of the Holocaust, then his acceptance of it and how it shocked him, then the grandfather's depression. I'm not sure what that had to do with homosexuality or coming out. Another example, the author talks about how he wasn't going to deny homosexuality anymore but he also wasn't going to march in any Gay Pride parades either. He then says he called in sick to work one day and spent it at a bike race with his boyfriend where they were photographed and put on the front page of the newspaper. Okay, I understand that might be embarrassingly funny, but it wasn't a gay pride bike race so why did this event have to be mentioned at all? It added nothing to the story about him coming out. I was also confused by him saying he was 40 when he came out after finally realizing he was gay ... but many times he mentioned being gay or having thoughts that he was gay well before age 40. I know that simply suspecting or worrying is far different than actually knowing without a doubt, but I still found it confusing and maybe a bit "calling the kettle black" when he talks negatively about a patient who had a gay experience when younger but couldn't get over it and wasn't strong enough to dismiss his hetero life in order to embrace the homosexual life. I had no problem with the lack of lesbian-related topics as the author is male - it seems rather obvious to me he would not talk about lesbianism or have much in his biography dealing with it. There was also alot more religion discussed than I would have expected.

On the other hand, I do think it's important for more books to be written from the middle-aged and older-aged homosexual point-of-view. Discussing how harsh it is to lose all your friends after 35 years of knowing each other is something that teens or 20-somethings don't have to deal with. Possibly losing a career once has invested oodles of money and years in is also something that will affect an older man more than a younger one. The assisted living ramifications and end-of-life care for homosexuals, too, is obviously something that will be of more interest and import to those who are closer to making those arrangements. There's still a long way to go no matter what your age. (This review based on the ARC won from Early Reviewers).½

I was very excited to read this book. As someone who went "back into the closet" in her early 20s after identifying as a lesbian in high school and then finally coming out again in her early 30s, I wondered if Dr. Olsen would touch on some of the same feelings and issues I struggled with.

It was a very well-written book. I had expected a memoir-type book, but large quantities of the book is written from a psychosocial perspective. As a social work nerd, I enjoyed this style of writing, but for people not interested in a "textbook" type reading, they may find sections boring; however, compared to some psychology books that I've read, it is an easy-to-understand and not very clinical book.

I was really looking forward to reading this book. However, I found myself struggling to find things to like as I read chapter after chapter. I think this book may have been misconstrued (or at least, misinterpreted in my mind) as something that it is not. This is not a coming out story with bits of psychiatry thrown in. His jumble of ideas are presented in a surface-level examination of what it means to be gay, and completely leaves out any information or studies about the lesbian coming out process. Dr. Olsen presents this book from a very limited perspective. This book may appeal to an older (perhaps above 40) male reader who can identify with many of the societal and moralistic norms of Dr. Olsen's generation. However, as a 29-year-old female, I had a number of issues with this book.

There is much to like about this book, particularly, in my view, the personal stories in which Dr. Olson appears relaxed and engaging. But while he may have a compelling story to tell, the mediocre production value of this particular release may serve as a deterrent to reading it. That said, this is a valuable resource to those who are in the closet or wanting to understand it better and to those questioning their sexuality. As well, it should be on reading lists for all queer/gender/sexuality studies.½

This book was very good...just not what I was expecting. I was expecting a personal journey. Yes, he does have small sections of his personal struggles/triumphs peppered here and there. But for the most part, this book is a lot of study data, medical education, and statistics. Most of the time I felt like I was reading a textbook rather than a personal story. It's too clinical and therefore too cold in my opinion. I felt it would have been more captivating if he'd made it more personal. Opened up with his emotions. Yeah, the statistical data was interesting, but I can pick that stuff up off the web. What I wanted was to feel his struggles and triumphs as he went through them. I didn't. If you want more metrics than emotion, then definitely get this book. It's well researched and enlightening in that respect. But if you want more feeling or a more emotional story, then you may be disappointed.

Why would a man wait until he is forty years of age before coming out of the closet? That was the question that led me to want to read this book. What I thought was merely going to be an autobiography of a gay man turned out to be an excellent, thoughtful, informative, and engaging read. The author, Dr. Loren A. Olsen, is a psychiatrist who is a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and a recipient of the “Exemplary Psychiatrist Award” from the National Alliance on Mental Illness. He came out at age forty.

There are many factors which make this book outstanding. One is the easy way in which the author communicates to his readers. He shares his personal story and the stories of other men who have given him permission to do so. He does this in a laid back, conversational way. It’s as if the author were just a friend who is sharing some interesting information with his readers. In addition, he provides citations of referenced works, both fiction and non-fiction to emphasize his points. To support his citations and for further reading, the author provides an extensive bibliography at the back of the book.

Dr. Olson has a way of discussing the subject of coming out so that it seems to be an adaptive behavior rather than an aberration. Some of the statements he makes about “coming-out behavior” have such universal meaning that they are brilliant in their own right. Take, for example, this statement of Dr. Olson’s about values: “We have the capacity to deconstruct our inherited value system, analyze it, and reconstruct a value system of our own making; in fact, it is essential that we do so.” Or this statement: “Those who believe that there are absolutes of right and wrong and good and evil have had their thinking done for them.” Those are quotes worth preserving.

I read this book out of mere curiosity, but I can see that this book has value for a very wide audience. For anyone who is trying to grapple with his own sexuality (be aware, though, that this book is only about men), the book’s content is food for thought, if not for action. For anyone who is a family or friend to someone who is gay or is suspected to be gay, this is just the book to clear up any misconceptions about what male homosexuality is and how it manifests itself. The bottom line about male homosexuality, according to Dr. Olson, is that there is not just a singular trajectory. This book is very suitable for the general public as it opens a door to wider understanding of male homosexuality. Any increased understanding the public can give to individuals who deal with this issue is most certainly needed. Finally, the book addresses the topic of the aging homosexual male. Old age is a particularly vulnerable stage for a formerly closeted homosexual so the emphasis on this topic is particularly important.

Although I anticipated that I might get a bit squeamish from the author revealing his own sexuality, instead I came away more with respect for a caring psychiatrist who is willing to teach others how to live true to themselves and how to understand the issues of male homosexuality.

Dr. Olson's book addresses a segment of the LGBT population that has received little serous attention. As much as we'd all like to live and be young forever, as far as I know the Fountain of Youth is in St. Augustine, Florida, and it's just water.

He freely admits to his own limitations in the early pages, but that should not deter you from reading if you happen to be hetero, a lesbian, or not a psychiatrist. His personal experience as a gay man coming out to his family a Midwestern American community at the age of 40 holds valuable insights for many. It would help a straight person better understand some of the difficulties and heartache involved in coming out, and provides useful guidelines and narratives that gay women and younger gay men could benefit from.

Loren's examination of his own mind and life can help anyone struggling with their sexual attractions. Because he was an older man when he came out, there is a thoughtfulness and good humor in his writing like talking to a good friend over coffee. While it is disjointed at times, he returns to his earlier points, having used what seemed like a rambling sideline to illustrate his subject.

I would also recommend this to younger gays and lesbians as a sort of "heads up." Dr. Olson not only had to confront his sexuality but the realities of aging, and this book is a warm and accessible guide to both.

I received a free copy of "Finally Out" by Dr. Loren A. Olson as a part of the Early Reviewer program wherein I agreed to review the book in exchange for the book. I'm glad that I'm part of this program or else I very likely would have never picked up or read this book, simply because of demographics. Simply put, other than the fact that I'm a 40 year old man and this book is about a man who came out as a homosexual at 40, I have very little in common with this book: I am a happily married heterosexual conservative evangelical minister (not that there's anything wrong with that). Indeed, Dr. Olson predicts that I will not like his book on page 26 where he says, "Those who believe that there are absolutes of right and wrong and good and evil have had their thinking done for them. A book like this won't be of help to those poeple, because they will sort their experiences in the world, including what they read, to conform to rigid, preordained beliefs." Well, I do believe in absolutes of right and wrong and good and evil (though I don't think I've had my thinking done for me more than anyone else), but I did enjoy this book and found it very worthwhile. I'm probably in a very small demographic: I do believe that homosexual acts are sinful for Christians, but I am very compassionate towards homosexuals, would like to see the Evangelical Church better minister to homosexuals, and am not judgmental towards those who engage in homosexual acts. I'm pretty much in the middle of that spectrum of those who are liberally accepting of homosexual acts and those who are rigidly condemning. This is a review of the book, not a review of my beliefs, but I say all that to explain where I'm coming from in reading this book. Here's why I found the book useful: It helped me to understand those who are struggling with same-sex attraction and gave me a deeper understanding for homosexual men and the struggles they face internally and externally. While I may not agree with some of Olson's decisions or actions, I've been in his head now and have walked miles in his shoes through his writings. My heart goes out to him for having had to face so much turmoil as a result of having been born in the 1940's and coming out so late in life. I think this book would be valuable for any person who finds homosexual acts to be sinful to better understand the people behind the issue. This would also be a valuable resource for those struggling with same-sex attraction and the issues that go along with that. Dr. Olson shares very candidly about his early childhood, first realization that he was attracted to men, his heterosexual marriage and the secret life he lived, his coming out and divorce, and the second part of his life as an openly out man. As a psychiatrist he spends a lot of time on the inner emotions and issues that go along with this kind of decision, such as self-esteem, loss aversion, aging issues, and self-view. There are a lot of great psychiatric insights to be gained from this book that apply beyond even sexuality issues.
I really enjoyed the personal stories and anecdotes about his life: they not only provided insight into the scholarly subjects that he was presenting but also broke up the theoretical discussion with real-life illustrations. At times the writing was a bit disjointed and seemed to lack a tight cohesion-- sort of like a person who is giving an academic lecture who gets distracted with a side-story or jumbled notes. But, this did not detract greatly from the book unless you are very outline-oriented. The range of subjects covered make this book like a primer on male homosexuality (not much is said about lesbianism, which he freely admits in the introduction). Topics covered include coming out, aging issues, sexual function and dysfunction, gay culture, self-esteem, living in the closet, and so on. All in all, this is a very personal read which fairly covers the difficulty in coming out, especially later in life.

The premise on this book is very interesting: a married father comes out as gay when he's 40. He's also a psychiatrist, so he has some training in dealing with the inevitable pitfalls that awaited him. He's sharing his story as well as some history of the gay rights movement, neurobiology, and useful coping tips for mature gay men. It's an interesting read, but the paragraphs feel like they've been thrown together without too much effort at crafting a coherent story line. The lists that try to distill some of his wisdom read as too simplistic, but I did find it useful to see explicit warning signs for depression and repression and denial.