Marti Olsen LaneyReseñas

I read a little bit of this, and I found a few things that resonated, but mostly what I realized is that I am not a "self-help books" type of person. I've never read one all the way through. Probably that says more about me than the fact that I picked it up in the first place, but I won't speculate about that!

Got some really great information from this book. Lots of insight - except for that recommendation for listening to Bill Cosby audiobooks or routines. Gonna pass on that one.

If you're an introvert, or deal with us regularly, I'm sure you'll get something out of this book.

Helpful in getting a handle on how to best deal with one of my sons, but way longer than it needed to be. Fairly repetitive.

Wow. Just wow.

I learned a lot about how my brain works, specifically how it works differently from extroverted folks' brains. This book is also full of lots of tips on how to thrive and be yourself in our extrovert-biased society. She describes many of the things that are normal for introverts, based just on how our brains are wired - in these descriptions, I found SO MANY things that I've always thought were really, deeply, wrong with me. And hey, look at that. Not wrong with me at all. Normal for an introvert! Similar experience with a lot of her tips. Many (but not all) of the tips are things I've already figured out and have been doing to various degrees for many years. Some of these things, I've always felt like a freak for doing. I'm working on changing the way I think about all of this. The way I think about me.

I strongly recommend this book to all of my introverted family and friends. The more introverted you are, the more I recommend it. It might not be a bad read for my extrovert friends, either. Have a peek at what we may not be able to tell you about ourselves. :)

Life-changing. If I can retain it. :)

I read this to help myself relate to a couple of my kids so I can give them advice. I'm actually an introvert too, but I'm more in the middle between intro and extravert, so I don't have the same issues they do. This book helped me to realize it's ok to be an introvert and gave me some good tips to share with others to help them. I listened to the audiobook version which may not be as good as just reading it because she does recommend being able to use the book and read in any section you want to. Audiobook is pretty much listen from start to finish. And some chapters I didn't care about at all but I still listeneed. If I had the print version I could have skimmed it quicker and ignored those chapters. But you may find those are the best chapters for what you're looking for.

This is a book that will stick with me and that's why I give it 4 stars. I learned something and it will change my life and my childrens life in a positive way I think. Not a huge change but like the butterfly effect small changes can make huge impacts later.

removes the "badness" from being an introvert

The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World is written by psychologist Marti Olsen Laney, who is herself an introvert. She observes that we live in a culture that values extroversion, and cites Dr. David Myers, who identified extroversion as a prerequisite trait for happiness in his book The Pursuit of Happiness. So, what is an introvert to do? Being very much an introvert myself, I was curious to find out what the book had to say.

The book begins by describing some of the differences between introverts and extroverts. The major difference being that introverts draw energy from the internal world, while extroverts are externally energized. Introversion is sometimes confused with social anxiety, schizoid personality traits, or being a highly sensitive person, but the author outlines how these are all distinct. The author observes that introverts tend to be concerned about how others are impacted by their actions, and may feel guilty that they have mistreated others when in fact they haven’t. They may also tend to think that the things they find bothersome, such as interruptions, are bothersome to everyone.

The book also covers some of the biological differences that may exist between introverts and extroverts, including differences in blood flow patterns in the brain and neurotransmitter activation. The parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for resting and digesting-type activities) appears to be more dominant in introverts.

The second section of the book considers how introverts can adapt in an extroverted world. Suggestions are given for navigating relationships, parenting, socializing, and the work environment. For those who aren’t sure if they are introverted or not, this section may be helpful as it characterizes typical introverted reactions in these types of situations. I found some of the points made in the chapter on work quite interesting. The author says that extroverts need to be told in detail what introverts are doing at work because otherwise they might not think anything is happening. This surprised me, but perhaps it’s because, as an introvert, I’ve simply been missing the boat. The author also suggested that an introvert’s openness to others’ opinions may be misconstrued as a lack of conviction in their own beliefs. Interesting. Other things didn’t ring true for me personally, such a dread of deadlines.

The final section was on “coping with introversion”. The author suggested a 3-P’s approach, involving personal pacing, setting priorities, and setting parameters/boundaries. She characterized introverts as slower-paced and slow-moving, requiring careful pacing to conserve energy. I don’t find that to be a very accurate description of my own particular brand of introversion. She suggested that nurturing was important for an introvert’s delicate nature, and recommended a variety of self-care strategies including scheduling regular rest breaks, increased light exposure, aromatherapy, and exercise. While I’m all for self-care, being an introvert doesn’t necessarily make me a delicate flower (tulip is the specific analogy the author uses). Finally, the author presented strategies for “extroverting”, i.e. behaving in a more extroverted manner.

While the book is pro-introvert, a lot of attention is paid to making oneself extrovert-acceptable. Granted, the title gives fair warning of this, but it felt a bit off to me. There’s a fine lining between adapting to minimize personal distress and changing to be more acceptable to extroverts. While the experience of introverts is validated and strengths are identified such as the ability to reflect, the author also seemed to characterize introverts as fragile, slow, low energy, and not functioning particularly well in the world at large. It seems unlikely that this was the intent, and perhaps my reaction stems from my own decision quite a while ago that I was going to allow myself to be a proud introvert and not “play at” extroversion to suit others’ expectations. Suggesting that introverts are low energy seems to contradict the author’s earlier assertion that introverts simply find energy in different ways than extroverts.

One thing I was quite uncomfortable with was the idea of packing an introvert survival kit, consisting of what sounded like a suitcase-full of items including earplugs, snacks, water, a music player, a note card with an affirmation, a cotton ball with a soothing scent, medication for motion sickness, a parasol/umbrella, sunscreen, hand cream, lip balm, a battery-operated fan, a small spray bottle, a large-brimmed hat, sunglasses, a sweater/blanket, self-heating pocket packs, and earmuffs. To me this verged on insulting; being an introvert doesn’t mean I can’t handle being outside of the house. I carry lip balm around with me, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with my introversion. If anything, this suitcase-load would be more appropriate for when I’m depressed, except then I wouldn’t have the energy to carry it all.

I think this book could be worth a read for anyone who’s introverted and uncomfortable about it or introvert-questioning, so to speak. It offers some practical tips for fitting in with a largely extroverted world. Overall, I found it didn’t really pull me in, and I ended up skimming through some sections. I was glad I picked up a copy from the library rather than buying it.

Originally published on Mental Health at Home
https://mentalhealthathome.org/2018/03/16/book-review-the-introvert-advantage/

Quiet people can and o thrive in a loud and obnoxious world.

There were many things in this book that resonated with me. Living among extroverts, I find myself comparing myself and trying to be like them. Or I find myself feeling guilty for my need to be alone and process life. Yet reading this I realize God has made me a certain way, and that introversion is not a bad thing. There is actually a physiological reality in my brain that makes me the way I am!

Laney gives some practical advice for being an introvert. Some things I have already instinctively learned, but some were new. One of my favorites is strategies for going to a large group gathering such as a party. I recently used her sea urchin strategy when I found myself walking into a party where I knew everyone, but I still had the initial pang of anxiety, "where do I start? what do I say?" Instead, I just smiled at my own awkward feelings inside, knowing, "hey this is me" and then I found a good location to sit and just wait for, as Laney describes, the flow of people to come to me. Like an anemone attaches itself on a rock waiting for the current to bring along food, you can plant yourself in location waiting for people you can invite into pleasant, meaningful conversation. What a better way to enjoy talking to friends rather than trying to act like an extrovert, who actually enjoys going from person to person engaging in small talk! (My nightmare!)

I also enjoyed the chapter on the brain. It gives me some comfort to know there is a reason why I can't always think of what to say on the spot, or why I have trouble articulating myself in a moment's notice.

If you feel like you are an introvert (and there is a spectrum from super introversion to a little bit of introversion), this book will be very validating. If you love an introvert, this will help you understand them better.

A lot has been written about introverts lately. This author describes her struggle to accept her "introversion" (though to my non-professional eyes I think Asperger's figures in as much as introversion). I was turned off by the frequent quotes that headed sections of each chapter, and a style that in general came across to me as "cute" to the point of trivializing, but I am sure that is because of my own make-up (I am, according to the two quizzes in the book, extremely introverted). I also take exception to the idea that 75% of people are extroverts - certainly not world-wide. I would not tell someone not to get this book, but I did not find it very helpful to me.

Both encouraging and frustrating. Good to see Introverts championed, and some interesting examples of possible Introvert problems with suggested solutions, and real life anecdotes.

On the other hand, the author seems to confuse Introversion with the NF (Idealist/catalyst) temperament at times, and some of what is written wouldn't apply at all to - for instance - ISFP or ISTP Introverts.

I'd say five stars for the first half, which looked at Introversion in general, but only three for the second half, where the discussion was more about the INFP personality type - interesting though it was, but confusing to anyone who doesn't know about the Myers-Briggs/Jungian types. So four overall.

Certainly recommended to Extraverts who are struggling to understand their Introverted colleagues or loved ones.

This is a great book for any parent or teacher dealing with introverted children. Quiet children are often misunderstood in school, at home or in society in general. Some parents think that they should push their children towards extroversion. Teachers mistake quietness for lack of enthusiasm or learning difficulty. This book highlights the strength of quiet children. Such children are supposed to have amazing strengths of persistence, creativity,and emotional intelligence. Introvert children are great in one-on-one conversations, have a knack for self-learning and self-discipline and are often honest. If Quiet children utilise their strengths effectively, they can easily succeed in an extroverted world.

On the negative side, I found that the book could sometimes become quite overwhelming in giving parental advice.

Despite its downsides, I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand introverted children.

Read like pop psychology of which I am not a big fan. Also very wordy; seemed like several blog posts fluffed to make a book.

Finally finished this book, it is really the best on the subject that I have yet read. Very good field guide to surviving the world as an introvert.

I really enjoyed the main thesis of the book: "introvertism" and "extrovertism" aren't about being shy or outgoing, but rather are manners of describing how a person recharges their energy; whether alone or with other people, respectively. Overall the book was repetitive and geared towards people with very high levels of social anxiety, but it did end up making me feel more comfortable with my own social deficits.

I'm somewhere between E and I on the spectrum, and I have friends at both extreme ends, so I thought this would be an interesting and valuable book. I hoped it would, more like. But alas, it was not. The author lost me along about the time she started prattling on about "Hap Hits" which are things that increase a person's happiness or energy levels. The very term made me snort derisively, as did much of the rest of the book.

I can see that there's perhaps some valuable information here, buried under a flurry of pop psychobabble and self-quizzlettes, but I kept looking up from this book thinking I was trapped in a waiting room with a stale copy of Cosmopolitan. Superficial, light, feel-good twaddle, that's my verdict. You're good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it... you're reading a crap self-help book again.

Bah, humbug.

I still need to figure out whether I'm being unfair to this book or not.

These kinds of books, books about introverts, say: "Introvert, you are not alone!" Thank you for that.

Chapter about brains of introverts was very interesting for me.

This is one of the best books I've ever read. It is page after page of "Ah Ha!" moments. It is healing to find that many of the things that frustrate me about myself, and have previously seemed like unfair short comings, are experienced by other introverts. I feel more at home with myself now, more excepting, and happier to just be me. This is an amazing book. If you are an introvert, you really must read this.

It's hard to believe that there are some non-fiction books that one can simply tear through like a trashy thriller or a novel of mystery and suspense. This is one of them. It's a highly readable look at the world of introverts written by an introvert, and it ably discusses the challenges that introverts face in a society that places a higher value on extroverted qualities (speaking one's mind, doing all sorts of things, being a social butterfly, etc.). The book is divided in three distinct parts. The first defines an introvert and discusses how they are perceived and whether people are born to be introverted or extroverted. The second talks about four different aspects of the extroverted world that pose great challenges for introverts: relationships, parenting, socializing, and working. The third discusses how introverts can learn to set their own priorities and parameters in order to feel more comfortable in their own skin, and the last chapter provides techniques on how to become a temporary extrovert when required (as the author points out, you can go right back to being an introvert when you're finished).

I always figured I was an introvert, and indeed I scored on the "Pretty darn introverted" level in the self-assessment found in Chapter 1, but reading this book also made me realize just how far I've come in my life, in terms of social situations especially. (For example, I have mustered up the courage to ask for autographs from musicians I like. A few years ago that would have been unthinkable.) But of course there's always room for improvement, and so I found the chapters on socializing and working to be particularly helpful., especially the sections that talked about speaking one's mind and offering opinions without being prompted. The book is littered with helpful real-life examples of introverts, concrete suggestions for moving forward in one's life, and the tone is friendly without trying too hard to be funny.

This is a worthy addition to an introvert's bookshelves. I borrowed my copy from the library but will likely buy my own for future reference.

Laney examines the desirable characteristics of introverts from several points of view including an impressive biopsychological perspective. The depth of analysis combined with the easy-to-read prose makes this an exemplary book.

This book explains how introverts work and interact with others. In addition, it gives many helpful tips on how to function as an introvert and how to interact with the same.

As an introvert, it was very comforting to read this book and be able to say "Yes! That's how I feel sometimes!" to many of the characteristics of introverts and to read that there is actually a biological reason for the personality of an introvert. It is comforting knowing that other people experience the same things such as the mind going blank in groups or under pressure, having trouble finding a word when speaking out loud (due to a longer brain pathway that has to be traveled), and not speaking up in meetings/discussions because "in large groups they usually find it hard to both absorb the new information and formulate an opinion about it. They need time away from the meeting to sift and sort the data."

The author also includes helpful suggestions for overcoming certain social situations like dating, parties, and work situations that are worth trying and keeping in mind. The book should also be helpful for any introverts trying to write a resume as it helps elucidate the strengths that an introvert has and the contributions they bring to the workplace. What you will not find, however, are suggestions of careers for introverts.½

I'm not quite sure what to think about this book or how to rate it. On one hand, I liked it even though I don't think it was written for me. I understand introversion, have accepted and love my introverted nature, and I've already figured out and have been applying a good portion of the author's recommendations for successfully navigating a world that favors extroverts for some time now.

On the other hand, I think it suffers terribly from generalizations. The author paints introverts with a very broad brush when, in fact, we are very diverse and complex beings. Because of that, I really think that this book would have benefited greatly from getting exploring the different types of introverts. In fact, I'm a little surprised it didn't now that I think about it. Another thing that bothered me, and I could very well be wrong about this or projecting, but it seems like there was more time than I was comfortable with spent instructing introverts on how to extrovert and cater to those who are extroverted. I also agree with a lot of other reviewers over at Amazon who felt she spent entirely too much time talking about how cope with being an introvert as opposed to discussing the actual advantages, because there are plenty!

The book is basically Introversion 101 and provides a very general overview of introversion for those who have no concept of it; are introverts yet don't realize it; and those who are introverted but are uncomfortable with it. For those folks I think this book would be decent, eye opening, comforting and reassuring. The author did do a great job at reinforcing the fact that introversion is a temperament, something that can not be changed, and something that is perfectly normal. There is nothing wrong with be introverted. Anyone else who understands introversion, possess this temperament and is comfortable with it should skip it.

I can give people this book as a manual for understanding me. I wish that I'd found it when I was a teen ager, but even after painfully figuring out mostly how to deal with extroverts without my going nuts, I still found lots of useful tips in here. The most valuable thing was learning that I don't need to feel guilty about saying that I don't have the energy to go to a party, or that I have to leave early. It's okay, that's what I need. Highly recommended for anyone with any level of introversion, and those who care for them.