Susan Edmiston

My fascination with the idiosyncratic title was the key motivation in selecting this book, plus an interest in looking for different approaches that deal with the underlying cause of an angry reaction. I didn't consider working through all the exercises because I wanted to find the place where the author talks about "owning your own feelings" and how anger is a secondary emotion that masks underlying primary trigger emotions (fear, anxiety).

I wanted to see what Scheff's strategies were for the mental preparation to make progress in coping with the initial emotions that spark anger. That’s what I think is most important: to have some strategies for tackling the work of behavioural changes. In my experience, anger management workshops, from skilled facilitators, take the class through exercises to learn about themselves first and foremost.

There are myriad personalities in any type of class like this, so it follows that the procedure will have different outcomes which reflect that aspect. Unfortunately, Scheff's book rarely touches on this individual process, choosing instead a rather negative approach by saying "Most people fail at this or at that...".

Compounding this absence of enlightened understanding for the reader, the narrative preaches repetitively that no one needs to choose anger or allow another person to control your feelings. It wasn't clear amongst the stories how a person would find ways to embrace change for themselves, since they'd not done the ground work of "know thyself". The book might be useful for an introductory overview but it wasn't serious in delving into anything but surface anecdotes and then some Buddhist philosophical commentary.… (más)

This book purports to help the reader cope with angry feelings, including resentment. Unfortunately, the book doesn't do much of anything. The beginning talks about such extreme angry outbursts that I doubt they would help many people (i.e., unless you have no impulse control at all, you wouldn't actually act out any of the scenarios given as examples by the authors). As for the dealing with resentments part, the advice is pretty slim beyond a 'have a Zen attitude of happiness all the time' and 'don't compare yourself to others.' So, really there's not a whole lot of substance in this book; in fact, I can't think of one takeaway that I gleaned from the book. Or rather, my takeaway from this book is whether it's Eastern or Western, it seems to me that a 'sermon' is little more than a hodgepodge of short quips, funny anecdotes, and extreme parables that sort of string together a common theme as if an actual message is being presented, but when parsed down tends to mean very little or at times even presents contradictory advice. But, hey, if it helps you, that's great. It's just definitely not my cup of tea. I do have to say for the audiophiles out there, this reader was fantastic. He was exactly perfect for reading a book about a Zen approach to dealing through anger, with his very calm and soothing voice.… (más)

This is a very short book that looks at Buddhism’s responses to anger – calling it an ‘emotional addiction’ and stressing that almost every decision made while you are angry is not a good one.

The most interesting chapter to me was the one in dealing with others’ anger directed against you. Breathe. Do not respond in kind (ie quit hitting yourself with a hammer). If you feel yourself getting angry in return, acknowledge the other person’s anger and concerns and withdraw, if necessary to address the issue when neither is angry. Above all have compassion for the person being angry. Work to understand their position and why they feel the way they do. Practice feeling loving kindness toward them, even in the midst of their anger.

This is a very short book, with some workbook style pages to describe your own situations and responses. I found this book helpful in understanding an angry person in my life – a slightly different perspective from other books about anger that I have read, including at least one by Thich Naht Hanh.… (más)

This little handbook attempts to teach the reader how to have peaceful responses to stimuli, rather than angry reactions. I believe the author feels it will make the reader a happier person, and by doing so, he/she will contribute to the happiness of others and contribute to a more peaceful world.
There are questions and exercises to complete. The book asks and expects you to answer, very personal queries and will make you examine your behavior and the motives behind your reactions. It might be very helpful to someone trying to figure out how to have less impulsive, confrontational interactions with people. It attempts to help the reader deal with situations without having a knee jerk angry reaction, but instead choosing a more thoughtful peaceful, less incendiary response.
Reading the book dredged up thoughts I thought I had put away for good, which is a goal this book attempts to help you finally accomplish. Holding onto anger, the author asserts, is more dangerous to the angry person and has far reaching effects on others, totally unrelated to the original incident causing the feeling.
I found it a bit too simplistic and the assumption that it can be achieved en masse, unrealistic, but nevertheless it is a worthy goal. I also found the slim little book, to be lacking in its purpose as a primer. It was not nearly extensive enough to effect major change, although it will certainly make the reader introspective and might serve as a stepping stone to further research into the Zen approach to life.
I would not have chosen this book on my own. My face to face book club chose it which is why I like book groups. They afford the opportunity to read books you might not normally select or even be aware of, and sometimes they are great finds even when they are not five stars! Regarding a book group conversation, it could get too personal for some people, especiall if the exercises are discussed or worked out at the meeting.… (más)