This is the story of two impressive women who are doing a lot to address the long-standing racism in this country. It was a little confusing to read at times, but each section was identified by the woman who wrote it. If all of us tried to reach across racial lines at least a little, our society would greatly benefit from it.

I was given my copy by a Kilby who lives in Maryland and who is very distantly related, in the 1700s, by marriage to a Kilby. ( )

Cousins-Authors- Betty Kilby Baldwin and Phoebe Kilby
I really had high hopes for this book. How wonderful it would be to find two people, related by awful circumstances, by a stain on our history, who were able to conquer racism and its implications. However, although the double “memoir” is interesting, it devolves into a completely politically biased presentation trashing Republicans and elevating Democrats, paying homage to Obama, who did little for people of color, and denigrating the man who came afterwards. The book disregarded many facts and only addressed part of the story, the part that fit their intended narrative.
Phoebe acknowledges her support for Democrats when Betty’s cousin seems concerned and belligerent when unsure of her political persuasion. She never mentions that it was the Democrats that fought the Civil Rights Movement, supported the Confederacy, created the KKK and continue even today, to implement programs that defeat minorities, impede their education, and prevent their legitimate advancement. She never mentions the Eugenics Program that that they supported, either. Only one side of the coin is addressed in this book, in the interest of justice, and yet it seems that to present half the story under serves justice.
Phoebe’s entire presentation seems to be an effort to present her as noble, driven by a need to apologize for crimes she neither committed nor knew her family did, until she did a good deal of research, almost hoping that their culpability would be discovered. When it was, it went back two to three generations, to her great, great grandparents at least, whom she had not even known had held slaves. Phoebe actually did spend most of her life working for liberal causes, which was admirable, but she didn’t seem to realize that a lot of the issues she dealt with were a result of many of the liberal policies she supported.
Betty, along with her brother James, bravely integrated a formerly segregated school. I admired Betty’s effort to work for civil rights because her whole life had been directed that way by her own father. He had the courage of his convictions and instilled it into his family. Phoebe and Betty both shared a name and a background. The endeavor to discover their roots and meet on common ground is noteworthy and noble. However, for Phoebe to have to apologize for “the sins of the father” seemed a bit of a stretch to me. However, admitting that, they would say made me a racist. If you question their conclusions, you are automatically judged negatively as someone unable to deal with your own share of responsibility and guilt for the years of slavery, even if you were not even in this country at the time. As a white person, you have a built-in radar which triggers your prejudices, even if you are unaware of it.
I do have many questions, after reading about the program Coming To The Table and their ambitious efforts. Do African Americans, regardless of whether or not they came from Africa, have to also repent for the crimes of the Africans who sold them into slavery, or is it a one-way street with only European Americans responsible for the atrocity of slavery, regardless of whether or not they were even in America at the time. Also, I think the scholarship fund is an admirable idea, but sending unqualified students to college means there may be unqualified graduates setting out to get a job that they cannot perform up to the required standards. Would it not be better to establish a fund to bring the student’s academic achievements up, rather than giving anyone a leg up before they are ready?
Phoebe was brought up in luxury, because her father was a doctor, not a slaveholder. However, her ancestors were slave owners. She had to do much research to discover this fact, so why is she guilt ridden. She believes that her upbringing reflected the prejudices of her family’s evil background, and that it is reflected, unknowingly, in some of her own behavior over the years. She believes that she must atone for their sins, and her own, and that is why the scholarship fund for relatives of certain former slaves was established as a form of reparation/reconciliation.
Betty was brought up as a G-d fearing citizen and is optimistic about the future, although she is traumatized by her family history of slavery which goes back several generations. This made me wonder if I, as a Jew, must be traumatized by the Holocaust and fear all Germans forever, since it must be in the upbringing of Germans to persecute Jews. if the white person cannot escape their prejudice toward people of color, how can the Germans escape their prejudice toward people not considered Aryan enough. I wondered if the reasoning was not somewhat flawed, since it seemed to say that there could never be redemption, only shame and the need for reparations forever. |
Although Phoebe speaks of Palestine, as a Jew that supports Israel, I believe that there is no Palestine yet. The Arabs have not accepted a solution and have only espoused the desire to destroy Israel. So, isn’t the judgment flawed here, since only one side of the argument is allowed to be legitimate in so much of their reasoning? It seems to only forgive one side of the street and to condemn the other, as if there is no other injustice in the world but that which they acknowledge.
One of these women suffers from guilt, whether or not it is deserved, and the other from PTSS, Post Traumatic Slavery Syndrome for a history she did not experience. I am not questioning their feelings or comparing their experiences or suffering to mine, but I, of Jewish heritage, have also experienced rejection, humiliation and abuse at the hands of white and black people. Doors were closed to my ancestors and even more currently, to my children. Am I to hold all black and white people who are not Jewish, responsible, and therefore demand some kind of reconciliation or reparations, as well? Does that question make me a racist or someone asking a legitimate and fair question? Many people suffer, many people make poor choices, is someone else, always to blame? ( )