Another book that was required reading for grad courses in a LPC/LADC program. While better, and definitely less 'self-helpy' that other similar books, it shares some of the same failings as a lot of non-clinical work in this area. Namely, falling back heavily (though less so than some) on the 12 Step model (even though it seems misapplied to codependence in general), a tendency to exclude atheists from the treatment model, etc. Strengths in comparison to some similar works would be Mellody at has at least conceptualized a clear structure within the disease model with core symptoms, origins of disease, differentiation within the model, and specific approaches to treatment. I think it could be refined for actual clinical application, but in this case there's enough self-help aspects to this that it is still probably not of much use to actual professionals in the field. But enough structure that I would feel *more* comfortable recommending it as self-help than other similar works (though still not as comfortable as recommending an actual clinical skills workbook). ( )

6 stars: Enjoyed Parts of it. Overall there were parts of this book I appreciated and not others. However it certainly gave me ample insight into my sister's very complicated psychology.

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In Facing Codependence, Pia Mellody creates a framework for identifying codependent thinking, emotions, and behavior and provides an effective approach to recovery. Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, and sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody's approach is the concept that the codependent adult's injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves clearing up the toxic emotions left over from these painful childhood experiences.

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Chemically dependent people die from the chemicals if there is no intervention. Codependents die from suicide, "accidents", physical or medical self neglect, or the dreadful experience of never really living their own lives, which is a form of living death. Depressed codependents do not take care of themselves when symptoms of physical illness appear or get "careless" and have accidents that can be fatal.

One of the benchmark criteria for distinguishing a dysfunctional family system from a functional one is that within a functional family system, the adults are there as parents to meet the needs of the children. In a dysfunctional family, the children are there to meet the needs of the adults. In a functional family there is a boundary between the two parents on one hand and all the children on the other. Emotional sexual abuse occurs when one parent has a relationship with a child that is more important to that parent than the relationship with the spouse. The parent who has entered such a relationship with a child is consciously or unconsciously asking the child to meet the parent's emotional needs either for affection or for a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex; in a functional family these needs would be met by the spouse.

...When inappropriate mother/daughter relationships: [the daughter's] emotional abuse issues might make her prefer to get non sexual physical nurturing only from women. The daughter is cut off from the love that should be coming to her from her father and this can affect her adult relationships with men. ... When I grew up, I could not demonstrate my own femininity. I dressed in a drab way and had a hairstyle with nothing feminine about it at all that made me blend into the wlls. Later on I had trouble learning how to dress and be feminine. I thought exhibiting feminine traits was stupid and that I was smarter than to want to dress in a feminine way. I had no idea that I was being very dysfunctional.

Without some sort of painful consequences resulting from our dysfunctional behaviours, it doesn't usually occur to us that we need to change. Codependents don't just wake up one day saying "I think I'll move over into maturity and mental health." For example, it may not hurt to be in the arrogant, isolated position, and such people may see no reason to change. If their families are going crazy trying to live with them, or they have no close intimate relationships, arrogant ones usually assume the problems in the family or in any relationship are about the other people and they consider themselves to be "fine". ( )

This is a good eye-opener to what may have caused codependence in your life, but it's light on the dealing with it end of things. Also, if you're an atheist, you may feel stranded because you don't believe in God or a "higher power", which, she argues is part of the disease. So you're hosed two ways if you just can't force yourself to believe in something you can't.

The writing rambles and seems random. It seems more about what she feels compelled to talk about at that moment rather than an organized, planned structure. Not that this is a literary work to be analyzed for structure, but it does make it heavy on some topics and light on others. ( )

14.95

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