Brené Brown

[Edit: The quality of different parts of this book varies greatly, especially considering that some of what is bad about it, is bad mostly because of context, you know. You write a paragraph with a certain bias: that’s just part of life, maybe. You wrote seven or eight or twenty-two paragraphs with that bias, in a way that implies that it is an all-consuming thing that you’re not even aware of…. That’s more of a problem.

But also there’s the issue—obviously very difficult for me to ‘correct’ for, even given my scrupulously subjective style, right, (Anne Sexton coulda been my grandma, yo: and this ain’t my grandma’s writings, here, dog)—that I change during the time I read a book…. And NOT only because of…. Even the ~entire~ body of my words read, during that time, right…. Obviously!

Maybe my main object in writing is to figure out what I think, right. For a reluctant radical: not an easy task, right…. Although important to me, at very least…. Hahaha…. I don’t mean that having an audience is unimportant to me. But it would be presumptuous, in my opinion, to identity who “my audience” is, right…. Let alone to imagine that it must be very large…. Of course: it sounds even more presumptuous to write for the unborn, right: as though I were like, some kind of Catholic fundamentalist, right: although really—they’re writing for the dead, no?….

Anyway.]

Like many people who read psychology books, I have a history of mental illness. I mean, in my opinion, now, most people in general have some kinds of chaos patterns swirling around in their noggin: but generally people are basically taught to ignore the mind, more or less, and focus on the economy or something, not that they know anything about money, on either the collective or the personal level—because it’s like, at least you can see money! (Sorta!) You can’t see the mind! Maybe it’s just there so we can use it to make fun of people! But yeah, sometimes it’s somebody’s job to literally kinda sit you down and say, you know…. Your brain: it’s no good—lately, I mean. And over several years you can kinda go, Oh…. That’s why I’m like this.

I don’t want to deny that there can be some utility in that, you know. But yeah: it is surprising how negative—and, I don’t know, near-negative; like neutral affect, but, problem-oriented—the average psychology book can be, you know. It used to be the psychology books I read were kinda—and I did get a certain sort of agency from being able to read them, and know things, and follow along in a sorta socially respected (to the extent that anybody respects anything) mode of knowing, as well as my idiosyncratic knowledges…. But yeah: very negative, you know: mostly, what’s wrong, today, crazy man? 👨…. Like, 75-80% of the book is like, you know: here’s the bullshit that happens in your brain! You’re a nut! ~Right, and then we kinda round it off with, And you’re still meditating, right? Or, you know: and remember bullshit ideas no good—reality check: it’s a good idea!…. And I wouldn’t deny that knowing when and how you’re going off track is useful, in a way: and I won’t even deny that answering origin questions give a certain satisfaction, although “logically” (is that the word), I can’t deny that it serves no practical purpose, except to satisfy the mind-questioning, right…. But yeah: I wouldn’t say that time spent reading those ‘negative’ psych books was wasted…. But I do want to kinda read more positive-style psych books in the future, the anti-pop-psych assassins be damned, basically.

I mean—I have this guy I know, right, (people are like, hey, you have a history of mental illness: why don’t you hang out with all these other fucking people who are kinda…. 🧟‍♂️…. I mean, that’s kinda how I see you! You guys belong together—you’re similar! 😁), and one of the things he says—sometimes he talks to himself, you know: what Freud would call the “ego”, in his use of the term, right: the rational mind, the chooser…. Whatever Albert Ellis calls the mental functionality to reality test and debate the crazy thoughts—that’s not there in this guy, not often, anyway, and especially not when it’s like: he turns into a radio that just kinda spits out words, you know: not a specific station, just words. All he has left is what to the spiritual philosophers is “ego”—not ego in the colloquial sense of arrogance; he’s very retiring, you know…. And ego in that sense, in almost any sense, actually, but especially in that sense of the thinker, or the rationalist, the word person, you know, who can be arrogant: I mean, Socrates could be arrogant, you know, ‘Me? Need a woman? Need pleasure? I am ~zokrates!!!!~’…. You know, you could supply other examples of that: but yeah, there’s a certain pleasure in that, right, (although it is neurotic, lol)…. But yeah, that Freudian/Socratic/Albert Ellis sense of mind/ego isn’t necessary to have ego in the spiritual philosopher sense, right: like you have the Ten of Swords mind, right: you just kinda leave the word-spewer on, until it, you know, it just stays on until you go nuts, basically…. You can’t change the channel or do something with it, you can’t turn it down or lower the volume…. The mind just kinda stays on, ‘wording’, you know…. Irrationally wording, right…. Anyway, the reason I bring it up is because one of things he tends to repeat, is variations of the phrase: “I’m delusional”, right; or, I don’t know: “Delusions….”. He also talks about food and video games, things like that. Occasionally, his mother. But yeah: he takes his meds every day, you know—meds by themselves can only give symptom relief, and make an otherwise basically dangerous person safe-to-store, almost: although nobody tells you that, you know…. [(reading) Oh, THAT was who I meant…. Yeah: he turned out to be not so safe…. Expensive medications plus cheap television fails, again…. Who could have predicted it, right? Certainly not someone making oodles of money, a wise person…. Who could have foreseen? 🤷‍♂️]…. But yeah: he knows he has to take his meds; he knows that he’s delusional; and he has a sense that food, video games, and his mother, are important.

It’s not enough. And I can’t help but wonder what role mainstream psych people have to play in all this, right: I mean, by avoiding talking about the positive, about, I don’t know: laughable, risible, dismissible good things, things you can do to make it better: sometimes all you’re left with is: “Delusions…. I’m delusional….”

Yeah.

So I mean, this is my second Brene Brown book: this one was written during the ongoing Age of Lord Voldemort (De America Del Norte, lol), and yeah: it does exaggerate her own tendency to try to see the good, bring people together, try to get people talking about what makes for happiness: things we all like…. It is possible for someone to see it as irritating, right. But let’s be real: it’s not what people do, usually—and they do it now, less than ever, right….

And I don’t think that her talking about happiness negates the talk about bravery, right. She is a brave woman; she certainly is. Because the world does NOT celebrate femininity: and CERTAINLY NOT as a style of thought, as a way of processing reality, as an emotional stance, or way of facing reality, you know—as an idea, almost.

People just don’t value that, you know: and if you do—honestly and (especially) without withdrawing from the serious glance of the public mind—you know, that’s brave, ok. That’s brave.

That’s one of the good things in the world.

…. Entering my 😁🌹🤢🐷 era.

Boundaries/emotionally safe

Personally, I find that drawing boundaries with myself is more important than drawing boundaries with others. This isn’t ascetic for me, anymore—although I spent years being ascetic, as was probably inevitable, right—but it does have a lot to do with being a male, and a sexual…. Hot mess, right. (Secrets of the CIA: Volume…. One, lol.) 😙😁 It’s most obvious when I’m all 🌹🤢…. And then later, at some point, I’m: 😁…. Surrender was a good idea.

I can’t explain it; and I can’t explain how central this is to my character, right.

And yeah: emotionally safe; I wouldn’t use the word de-humanizing; because of my cultural stance—animals are gods! And we are all slightly non-human, right—yeah, I’m not bothered by a girl (I would like a girl to, actually) call me a pig, you know. Pigs sing a song! Pigs run around in their en-fenced enclosure! Pigs are happy! 😁🐷…. But yeah: my emotional safety is the girl not treating me like—you know; the internet/people’s deepest fears: they’re wild right…. Straight Outta the Shadow-lands….—like something that is fundamental Is-Not, and not Is, right. Obviously I’m a fucking lower animal sometimes: even more than most people; thank you for paying attention. My emotional safety is knowing that she knows I don’t want to endanger hers. I mean, I don’t want her to be a bad influence, in truth—to break my morals, or stand over my bloody corpse, howling with rage and spite, you know: but if she were to slap my face when we know that she isn’t going to tackled like a soccer player for it, right…. Slide tackle from behind: red card, Gary the Good, right?…. I mean, it’s not her obligation to support my sense of emotional safety, but her withdrawing into fear and apathy the way everyone does, (especially girls, maybe), is far less supportive than, Cook me bacon, pig! (slaps)! ~you know.

(smiles) (sarcastic) I am like every other American person, lol.

…. And yeah: before fear, pain. Before fear in the mind, dispersed undifferentiated pain swirling, right. (For me), before the fear of wars and ideologies and oppression and family…. There is just…. ‘Soft stress’, I call it, of being…. Aphrodite’s, basically: just a sexual hot mess, able to function optimally only in surrender to Her Invisible Form, Visible Everywhere, Even In…. 😁…. And yet: to surrender to Her, you know; to permit Her to put that pain in you, right, as though She were planting seeds, right….

And then, I guess, as I accept the pain, there isn’t the fear, right. The fear that I am Aphrodite’s, and I won’t admit it, so what’s going on, and where is She; She isn’t here…. And it’s like, No. She is here; I’m Hers. She is always, everywhere, right…. (sighs) And then there isn’t fear, because I’m not afraid of the pain.

…. We can’t believe, can we, that everyone who participates in X—she calls it “dehumanization”; I don’t view the term as “wrong”, but I don’t prefer it; for me, it’s more like, seeing the other as Is-Not, rather than Is: but of course in our constructed moral universe, that’s a very cumbersome idea; right—that every “wrong” person, is a—“violent psychopath”. “That’s not possible, it’s not true, and it misses the point.” Exactly: it, misses the point…. The main “sin” usually is powerlessness, right: (pace Paul, or whoever, right: OMFG 😜), being caught in the web, and not wanting to know, even: not wanting to believe it matters, whether you are a cog in a wheel in the Death Star, right…. (smiles) I’m just being me. I’m following the way of my fathers. Don’t get angry at me; this who I am. It’s how, things are; right…. So rather than risk failure, (yawn) ~guarantee failure, right.

…. I disagree that insulting Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and all the rest of it, are equivalent. It just isn’t, you know. If you’re boiling over with rage at Trump—well, don’t watch the news, right; you’ve figured out how you’re going to vote, right? Is anyone going to change their mind because you…. You know: fuck the news—I mean, just start by acknowledging that hating anybody, even a closet pig, right: like he zips up a suit; really, he’s a pig—it’s unpleasant, right. [Sci-fi trope, right: if it’s been in Doctor Who and that 80s movie I haven’t seen…. It’s generic, right. Of the genre, dog. 😉] Accept the anger: accept that you feel it, and that’s it makes you unhappy, right. Strategize healing. Act when appropriate or necessary. And realize, we’re all a little “un-human”, right: who the hell do we think we are?…. We all have patterns, right.

But you don’t have to lie in somebody’s favor just because they’re a sweaty pig, you know. It does nothing to help them—it’s just completely credulous, on your part, right. Cute, but absolutely credulous.

…. (Uptight white lady talking about human rights) ~It’s like, Listen, lady: sometimes people are sweaty pigs. Okay? Deal with it…. Life goes on. (Uptight dignity human rights blah blah blah) Yup. Okay! (chuckles, in a slightly contemptuous way) Wow….

…. The girl she interviews right after that seems a lot smarter. “Conflict transformation”: like, not just non-violent adaptation within the system, but acknowledging that we live in a dynamic universe, right.

…. And then, Viola Davis, the famous Black actress: “I won’t put what you say about me on my load.” That’s powerful stuff. People don’t know you, you know. They usually don’t try. Some would if they could; maybe some will come to you know. But a lot of people don’t care: they don’t even know themselves.

…. It’s ironic, in a sad way, that we are so ingrained that we don’t matter because we’re not Winston fucking Churchill or somebody, some dead white hero, you know—not even a man: a HERO, right; an alien, practically: when we get our chance, we spend much of our time…. Just, tripping you know: taking a bad trip; people don’t even know what they’re on, so to speak—and then people complain that now people can tell their story, and civilization is therefore over. Ie: “social media”, right.

…. “Battery-operated socks”

I’m sorry: the only thing going through my mind was Mabel from “Gravity Falls” and her sweater that needed to be plugged into the outlet in the wall, right…. But then I was like: oh, BATTERY, ok.

(shrugs) I mean: femininity is fine; it’s ok to be feminine, it’s true: it actually is quite brave…. Socialists can be doctrinaire…. Although I’ve started to acknowledge that socialism is at least as valid as Christianity—which society refuses even to debate, right—but it’s like, you know, c’mon, Marx spent like a year hectoring some inconsequential moron who worked for the French government in the 1800s, you know, and wrote a 300-page book mocking, probably the way he put his socks on in the morning, right: you know, the first communist spies, right…. All instead of accepting that some people are just…. Not okay, but that’s how it is, right. You have to live your life, no? Like some people…. Phew. You just can’t get into it, what some people are like, right: or you knock yourself out.

But yeah: that being said, Brene can be too cute, you know. Like, if you’re going to tell stories about how cuteness and “we’re in this together” is the answer—what about the people who don’t think that cuteness is always the answer, right? Are we in it together with them, too?…. And cuteness isn’t just a sexual ploy, right; it’s kinda a lifestyle, a philosophy, and it isn’t always vain or trivial, you know.

But sometimes a girl just has to smack a boy so hard he maybe knows what it’s like to be limited (and also a cause of pain, and evil, right) in the world he probably thinks of some level belongs to him, and which he patronizes with his presence. (When really, that’s something women and girls do, right. They try, so much of the time, right. Males just show up, try to uglify themselves and everything around them, and expect deference in exchange for non-aggression, right.)

Sometimes she ought to just smack him as hard as she can, right; and if he had any sense, he would take it.

And not just as a sexual ploy, right. It is kind of political…. Even if it is the politics of fantasy, right…. And it’s not that people don’t have sick fantasies, right; they hate each other.

But yeah…. But yeah: very clean Clinton-Biden pacifism or whatever, kinda clinical and asexual…. Patronizing, you know. Moral, to be point of attempting to shame, perhaps, through sheer…. Goodness, you know. Christians get off on that sometimes. It’s like, but what if I don’t WANT you to try to shame me through your “I have no personal interests of my own” ploy, right…. It’s like: and aren’t you the person who owns the mansion, and/or who propagandizes for the people who do?…. And what do you do about that? What do you do to make sure that market relations are fair and sane, right? “Oh I make sure no one ever gets angry.” (moron smile)

Nice. 😎 🚬 🇺🇸

I mean, it’s not that “white women” are inherently problematic, right; most are probably way too complacent, in an extreme; obviously the division between white women and women of color is created by racism and exclusion, and white women should do more to make women’s communities more inclusive (the Anglo-centric ones), and to have more respect for women’s communities that are “different” (the POC ones, right)…. That doesn’t quite add up to the things given by racism to white women as objects to pacify them are inherently and irremediably the products of wickedness, right—like if Franco’s army conquered some town in Spain, the lilies or whatever would still grow there in spring, and mass suicide and fasting to Jesus for deliverance might not be the answer, right…. Like, there’s joy; there’s mercy; there’s frills, fun, expensive beautiful nonsense…. “I see clouds of blue, and sky of white; and bright blessed day: and darling sacred night: and I think to myself…. What a wonderful world.”

And there is a bravery in that, in a world where racists—for example!—see the world as wicked and hostile, basically, right….

But yeah: at the same time…. Don’t be the girl who teaches girls to be so-called “mothers”, right—mothers with nothing to give and no way to guide, right: the women of patriarchy….

Don’t be that person.

…. (keeps reading) And yeah—the South/Texas thing is cute, it really is, sometimes: they obvious did a number on her “to turn her into a girl”, right—since obviously there’d be no femininity without the South, right; there’d be no femininity without (enter ethnicity/propaganda course here), right. And, they also expected her to handle guns and go shoot game animals, right. Bless their hearts.

And get they wouldn’t let her watch a PG movie until she was 15, right. I mean, to use a slight anachronism—Brene is the oldest birth year of Gen X, right; it was during the 70s when she wasn’t allowed to watch PG movies, right—but “The Croods” (2013), is PG, right. It’s like, I’m sorry, but if you’ll let a kid put bullets into an animal, you won’t let her watch highly improbable and impractical animated chaos, right—it’s like, something is wrong with you. Choose one side or the other, right. It’s almost like society enjoys making nonsensical, arbitrary rules in order to underline its power: or perhaps to revel in its own unreality, right.

And I don’t feel pushback from her, right. You can either not bring up wrong-doing, or pushback against it, right. Bringing it up, and smiling, right: my creepy family, bless their heart….

(shrugs) And it’s sad: because you can see how she tries not to be the Texas Mother from a B-movie, right.

But yeah: it’s like…. Convenience over truth in an age of insanity wars, right…. That’s just not good.

…. I don’t believe in going off on people and all that, although I am starting to appreciate the position of the radicals, right. It’s like, she just said: there are two sides to the coin. One is, that people think Texas is the wicked country, and it isn’t; but the tails is: white people are really trying, and need to get treated with more respect…. I mean: did I mention that I am a successful professional, and I have a lot of people who work for me? I try, SO, hard. 👌 💵

~It’s like: white people try so hard, Brene? What plane of being is under discussion, right?…. I mean, we could talk about what’s more effective in getting people to challenge their racism, and what’s less effective, but the reality is, you can push back as subtly as you like: a lot of the time, fifty-fifty, at least: you will get fear and angry when you challenge whiteness, no matter how you do it, right…. I once tried to gently tell somebody—I think the original thing was that we can be proud to be white, because we don’t lynch Blacks, or whatever—that whiteness isn’t who we are; it doesn’t come from Nature; it’s not a sensible biological category, but a meaningless label meant to exclude. Exclusion is its purpose; self-deception is the means. I wasn’t trying to tell him he was bad; I wanted him to look at who he, thought, he was. You’d have thought I had dunked Jesus in puss, after the alt-universe Hitler massacred 100 million Christians, right. It was like: you don’t get to talk about my most sacred beliefs….

It’s like: what was the contrast, Brene? Texas is okay, vs white people are trying…. Who did Texas give their electors to, by the way, in 2016, before she wrote this, right? Was it someone, you know, who was…. Really trying?

Oh, I’m polite; I have money…. I don’t have to care about those little dispossessed poor people races, right. The important thing is that people are polite to me. I am very timid: I need to get treated the right way.

…. And we’re back to the more generic, “we’re in this together; brave love; don’t isolate: that’s fear”: you know, the vague talks, right. And it’s like…. (sighs) I mean, if you write it down just like that—abstract popular psych theory, right—it is good theory: the value of a theory is more in its social-practical-emotional effects, you know: how it changes you, not so much just its prestige value/gratifyingly distancing amount of complexity, right.

But: is that REALLY what makes it good? Shit, now that I see what it really means in her own personal life—not that there’s anything wrong with “confessing your sins”, to borrow the church fellows’ term, right: but to “confess”, subconsciously your on-going attachment/marriage to them, right: your commitment to them…. One of the problems with “confession”/Christianity—“forgiveness”, even—is that confession is soften quite infuriating, right: it’s like, “look what I got away with…. You know, I never liked you…. Can you forgive me?”…. You know: and even what it means for her—I don’t view this part of our society with the sight-unseen rage that some people might, usually because of their, really quite understandable, sense of disempowerment, right: I do think that the details matter, even given the structural cracks in society, right…. But yeah: to see what it all really means for her brand, so to speak: right—what it all stands for, what the Great and Powerful Witch of Oz looks like, behind the curtain, right…. Like: “My wealth, status, and whiteness are my apology for being born a woman. Please, kind sir: I am weak, puncture not my bubble…. I need my bubble! I need it: to live! Just, to live…. I don’t want to get raped; I want to live in my bubble! I want to be safe, even though I’m a woman, and I know I’ll never be safe….!!!”

You know: it’s like…. I don’t really regret reading Brene Brown: but I think this will be my last book by her, right…. It really doesn’t live up to the hype, that her brand generates, in her little niche, right?…. Shame-healing, bravery…. Compassion…. Wow, this is some real fucking chutzpah, right…. I don’t know how else to say it, right….[The timid chutzpah of the media white girl, right….]. God, at least she set good goals for herself: it terms of things like that, right, (anti-shame, etc.)…. But, wow…. Just, wow….

…. “I’m just awash in generic white girl joy!”

Yeah, and I would have been able to deal with that, if she hadn’t dismissed POC in like one sentence, like: “football team name controversies that we all know about, but which aren’t really a part of our intimate, personal lives”: or however she said it, right.

…. And yeah: dead children, I get it. Twenty dead children younger than the age of ten, right. Maybe I don’t get that as much as somebody who didn’t have a—I like to call it a mentally ill resume: also strong isolationist tendencies; I reacted to realizing I was delusive by meditating a lot: it took me a long time—although lol, my neighbor just stepped out of the car, I’m out with her and staff, (my program-neighbor, right)—it took me a long time to see the value in connection…. Oh yeah: but I mean, if having kids weren’t an untenable economic-social decision for me, or even if I agreed with the unwritten contract about parent-child, parent-society that isn’t open to discussion, right—or if being the birth giver/fertilizer for a child, weren’t almost the only way to have a relationship with a child, right: then, I would understand in a different way, sure…. Although we sure privilege the prestige of parents: basically out of guilt, right—how much propaganda delusion does it take to think that things are ok for mothers in America, right… But yeah: murdering children is exxxtreme bad mental illness, right. It’s not what we promote. It’s anti-social, right: it’s a problem. Guns in general…. Kinda impede, safety, right. Murder: a negative manifestation in society. Harm to children: a negative thing. 100%.

But it’s like: can you imagine how many dead children it would take in a 95% Black, 2% White town: like if, 2,000 children below the age of ten died in a town like that, over a year: it would be like—well, that has nothing to do with me: I don’t want to blame anybody, but that’s just…. ~Right? That’s what people would say. And I do not have to read the news stories not know that nobody called it white on white crime: and that if it had NOT been that—Obama would have been impeached, right. Slam dunk.

And yeah: I have two options with Newtown, right:
—Inconsolable weeping, to show solitary with the white community
—Basically get told your POV is like…. White on white crime, right? Dissent is white on white crime. And it’s deadly…. To my feeling of emotional safety, right.

(shrugs) And also, sure—murdering children is not behavior to promote, right. I hate to say this as though I felt sorry for myself, right: but white supremacy does hurt white children, you know—even though it’s “for them”, right…. School shootings happen because Americans love guns. We love guns because they were useful for driving out the red man, and have since entered our movies/collective mythology, right.

(shrugs) But white mothers want to practice feeling righteous, you know: a rare opportunity society gives them to feel worth—and they’re not passing it up, right…. It’s not about saving the children, you know.

…. But yeah: Buddhism is useful, but the monastic view of life can be interesting, right. “Just worry about yourself”, right: it’s easy for it to become that…. It’s like: yeah; interesting theory…. 😒 Although that’s the funny thing about the world, other people get to juxtapose their madness with yours: I’d be like, What? My madness isn’t so bad: how’d I get in this book, lol…. It’s like: does Pema Chodron have a publicist? Can you stop people from quoting you, right?

…. “I’m sure we were choosing love in our own small way.”

I don’t want this to be confused with a hard pass: but yes—emphasis on “small”, right: and that word has more than one meaning, you know…. “Non-elitist”, is not the only meaning of “small”, right. Sometimes “small”—think of the Little Englander, right: or the ‘hobbit’, type thing, right~ “no one else is as moral as Bilbo in the whole world…. It’s because his brain and heart are both so small, so inflexible…. Jesus-Wotan bless him!”—yeah, sometimes “small” and “elitist” are ~exactly~ the same, right: “small” can be like the “lack” mentality of the rich—I can’t explain it….

…. But yeah: if she uses the word “transcendent” for one more Anglo-centric thing, right…. It’s like, Brene, Brene, honey: we get it. White people are everything. They’re the reason why your birth defect of femininity is curable, right. We get it. Relax. Breathe.

…. And then she goes into the ugliness of conflict and the beauty of peace. It’s like: I took the land from you—can’t you see that it’s over?…. C’mon, let’s be friends: you can make it up to me by cleaning my shower…. [“No, really: it’s time to climb down out of the tree and scrub my kitchen floor, Maria…. (shaking tree)…. C’mon! Grow up, bitch! Why can’t we get along???!”] “We will fight them in the hills: we will never surrender.” Aw, but don’t you see how futile war is? It’s a sin against human dignity! And I don’t need it anymore: I took the land, already! Come down, come down. My shower isn’t going to clean itself. Here: I’ll time you. Does that make it better?

~Right? If there was ever somebody I wanted to like more: who kept insisting that I not do so, right. Not since that girl looked me in the eye and told me, “I admire your confidence: but you’re not the 1975”, [IRL, it was more like: “I would have returned, your greeting…. If it weren’t for the way, you were looking, at me….”], has a girl deflected my esteem quite so well, right…. ~Although, what was his name: Knox? I listened to his first album because of that radio hit: and I like that kind of music, but gosh if he’s isn’t better behaved in public, right. If there isn’t always a whiny young white man, right…. It’s like, “How to Train Your Dragon”, right, which is ironically almost a remake of some of those Adam Sandler/Steve Carell movies, right…. They’re more similar than you might think, many of them…. It’s like…. I am coming down from the mountain to embrace femininity: and I want applause—and when I shame the girl for acting male: I want the applause to be practically thunderous, right—thunderous…. [waving arms up and down vertically, lol….] ~It’s like: what a little bitch-boy, right….

It’s just…. Leaves you speechless, right.

…. “Common enemy intimacy”: It’s like, let me tell you something, you judgmental prick. Let me tell you something about survival. I’m a Wiccan. And if the Christians want to rescind their threats against people who disagree with the whole transcendent-maleness of God, thing, right: then that’s great, good for them. But if you’re so deluded that you don’t think that I wish I could get some common enemy intimacy with the paranoid-normie atheists—believe me, usually there is none—and if you think I don’t look at Buddhists, and Maori, and even Wiccan separatists who don’t feel safe working with men: or any Wiccan, really; we’re all so scattered and different, right…. It’s like, if you think that I’m so worried and nervous about the plastic-based pillow from a department store you use to cushion your privileged ass, right: that I won’t value my own sense of survival…. It’s like: I don’t wish evil on you, okay: but if you think I’m worried about you, and feel ~obligated~ to you, right…. you’ve got another thing coming. [Obligation to the powerful, privileged and complacent: as pacifism, right….] And it’s like: if you think that, really the majority of Planet Earth, to be honest: doesn’t have a similar experience, based simply on the color of their skin—then you’re more deluded and racist than I thought. ~(cries) Oh, but I am the king’s daughter; I shouldn’t even have to cry, to get what I want! Guards! Guards! Take the green-skinned goblin to the dungeon, where he belongs, (bawling it out, without shame, right)

(sighs) Swear to Fate, right. Honest to God….

~It’s like, she literally compares being made a slave to having people gossip about you, or something, you know. It’s like…. Who convinced you that you had THAT little agency, right: that because I notice there’s wrong in the world I’m just a mean girl here on this planet to crash your private party, you know…. Private party in paradise, you know…. Tell the heathen to clear out, so they don’t ruin it~ oh, wow, ok….

…. I mean: no one should be complacent, right. Humanity as a whole can be problematic, you know. That said: you don’t do compulsory non-violence workshops with the Native North Americans whose village just got torched by the racist white aggressors, so you can trip back to your masters at Christian HQ like: Yup, we told em. We gave them the talk: sit down, shut up, fuck you—be non-violent. Do as your told. And obey your masters…. ~I swear: it sounds like some people go to the protests to (a) say they were there, right, when someone challenges you: have that fun story handy, and (b) learn about incriminating, so to speak, behavior of protesters, right!…. God, it’s like people are spies!…. You know: it’s like—I can get the rejection of betrayal-is-coming paranoia, right; by nature it seems to be I am very anti-Eight; I’m an Enneagram Six, you know. But gosh: don’t you think they’re EVER right?…. I mean: take people serious, right? Do people NEVER betray the cause of justice for the sake of a comfy pack of lies….? Right….? God, people say they love you: then one day, you find out who your friends are, right. It’s not always 100% of the “unwavering human connection” claptrap crowd, right…. Sometimes you’d rather somebody who was willing to embarrass themselves and do “the wrong thing”, right: rather than…. Fucking liars, you know.

You know: and flowers are beautiful. We know it’s true, because not every flower is grown by…. Well, some rich man’s gardener, right.

But you need balance. That doesn’t exist now, basically.

…. And God: if I have to hear one more person, who ~~~owns their own media brand~~~ or whatever, right: to pontificate about whether I should have a fucking voice at all, right—even one that, no one listens to…. It’s like…. Go fuck yourself, maybe? “Oh, I’m sorry, Lady Grantham. Next time I won’t let him escape out of the servants’ quarters….”

It’s like: people get abused, they function at a low level…. Punish them more, I say! If I don’t have to hear about it: it’s ok!…. Say, maybe I’ll watch a Holocaust flick; the world was pretty good back then: I liked the music; I liked the obedience and sharing-avoidance of the culture…. This could be, an enjoyable movie, you know. 👌

~It’s like, you steal a thousand dollars: you go to jail and get raped. You steal a hundred million dollars…. Good for you! You’re helping society!…. Oh, shut up. No one could ever be so bold as to tell a lie that big, right…. ~(sighs) Ironic doesn’t even begin to describe life, right.

…. I mean, she thinks she’s helping—she’s not consciously being spiteful or even vain; that’s the funny thing: she really thinks she’s helping, right—and of course some bits of feminine wisdom escape the safety-for-society filter, right…. Why DO we see women as such a threat, anyway, right?…. But, yeah: “lacks imagination in discussing people with different circumstances”, is like one of those, “it’s cold in the interstellar void in-between galaxies”, right, type of understatement, right….

…. (Roshi Joan chapter outro) This doesn’t seem so bad. I’m glad that parts of it seeming valuable wasn’t ~100%~ delusion, right…. And yeah: a breakthrough not to see the nervous woman policing herself as not just, “sorta okay; maybe a little too feminine”, right….?

I don’t know: like I just wrote in the intro-edit…. I’m a reluctant radical. I have trouble figuring out, what I really think, right….

~ wrap it all up with an aphorism, right.

“(generic complaint quote about uptight boys complaining about Nietzsche and his aphorisms, right).”

I love Nietzsche…. “Untroubled, scornful, outrageous: that is how wisdom wants us to be—she is a woman, and never loves anyone but a warrior.”

Someone forgot to tell Nietzsche that women are most emphatically NOT female animals: right…. They’re, polite, you know…. Suggestible, deferential…. You know: they’re…. Christians, right!

~But yeah…. It’s hard to come up with an aphorism for the whole thing, as a cute outro, right: because her level of authenticity varies wildly, and as a reluctant radical…. You know: and for so long, all I really thought of, was: the way of society is useful, neither for justice, nor for preserving society, right! SO many problems with society…. And it’s like: at some point, someone or something has to ask you, right: but which one of those is MORE of a problem…. Which one is the REAL problem, no….

Brene Brown is at least two different people, right; and at least one of them, is very enlightened and just and helpful. Of course: the other way to say that, would be that….

Right?

…. It is kinda funny how for parents—especially mothers—the unwritten, don’t-say-it-too-loudly agreement seems to be, when you enter into that contract: you turn away from society, right.

And the part you REALLY, REALLY are not supposed to spread around: when you enter into that contract, as parents—and especially as mothers—society turns away from you, right….

There are certainly class variations to that; there are race and geography variations…. But there’s also this question society asks, mostly mothers, right: if you’re not turning away from me, and I’m not turning away from you—is this “un-negotiable contract”, really being fulfilled, right?…. We might have to send in the Marines, you know. It’s important. I’m concerned about your well-being: that’s why I coerce you. 😉….

Like, people will literally explain to you: that you’re not part of the conversation, unless you’ve signed the contract, right? It’s like, what? I don’t have parents? I’m not biologically capable of entering into this role also regulated by social and economic factors? (And I never was?)

What: other people’s children and I, have no common society that we move in?

—(sigh) Well, maybe if you had a technical certificate, that would enable you to tell them about the different parts of the atom, right….

~ It’s like, wow. Okay…. Society is wild, man.

And not in this, “soft front, strong back”, way, right…. (chuckles) You know: it’s funny; you can take the truest, most accurate map…. And instead of using it to visit the territory…. You could just flush it down your toilet, to anger your landlord, right.

Anyway.

…. It’s like: I walk into my parent-teacher meeting in my elite school district: and I feel like I don’t belong, because I write these little popular books instead of translating math books into Ancient Greek for use by the history department, right. (N.B. Reading a math textbook does require linguistic skills.) But then I realized: it’s all on me to feel accepted by society! I can’t let them hold me back from feeling like I’m enough!

~Now, granted: emotionally disturbed people cannot really be the engines of positive social change. Joy, peace, “I am enough”—all necessary, right.

But it’s like: we’ve identified one social filter to keep people out, like, academicism, or whatever, right: and another we’ve totally dismissed as unworthy of even being noticed: economic class, right….

And your stance is, I just need to worry about my self/I just need to accept the burdens society puts on me, and be okay with myself and be happy?

It’s like…. How does everyone else feel about this situation, right?…. Everyone benefits when you worry about yourself, and forgive society, or whatever?

And yeah, I get it: Maya Angelou had personal agency, that’s great. That’s actually something us imperial white people with our social status tend not to have, right: ~personal~ agency, no….

But it’s like: do you think Maya Angelou ever talked about racism? 🤔

No, no…. Her mission in life, was to comfort me. I’d like to thank her for that, now.

~Ah. Okay. 👌 Good talk.

It’s like…. The authenticity level varies wildly, right.

WILDLY. And not in the sense of ‘free’, right. It’s almost like…. You know, in psychology, one of the really popular topics is: I mean, the classic way that people think about it, right—it can be very deceptive, but in the popular imagination, right:…. I mean, so much of modern civilization comes from chemistry, right. But if chemistry and its gifts to society, become your mainstay, so to speak…. It’s like it can become a challenge to your authenticity.
—But chemistry is science. I don’t understand.
Yes, but using the gifts chemistry has given to modern life doesn’t require technical training: not at all. Maybe they should, but…. Let me explain…. The thing is: I don’t want to be impolite: it’s a metaphor, you see….
—I’m a modern person. I don’t like metaphors.
You’re unusually self-perceptive. Some people don’t even know what they are….

~But yeah: it’s like, on the big Simone de Beauvoir book, somebody was like—I mean, he didn’t care about women; he just accepted a certain type of woman, as a fellow snob, right; he was like…. But women have to become mothers. Mothers have to have a lesser place in society. It’s fate: not sexism.

And it’s like: first, let’s count the assumptions—class, let’s really take like, twenty minutes, and identify how many assumptions are in those three sentences…. Before we do anything else today, let’s just do that. Nobody comment on the validity of the assumptions, right. I’m setting that as the ground-rule. All we are going to do, for at least twenty minutes: is just identify the ASSUMPTIONS. Don’t look at whether they’re true or not. Just really dig up the assumptions first: like an archaeologist in the field, right. We can take them back to the lab for study: later, right…. Not right away…. Patience, patience. A moderate might think that society will be on the right track by the January after the election, right…. But a radical: needs, patience….… (más)

I'd resisted reading any of Brene Brown's books thinking that I'd already absorbed all of her teaching I needed from her magazine columns. When I saw this available as a library audiobook, I decided to give it a listen. I'm glad I did.

It's hard to review this kind of book as I feel like it's either going to strike a chord with a person or not. For me it did, and I going to try to apply some of her recommendations to myself, work, and family.

Part of the reason I had resisted reading Brown's books for so long is that she has built her niche as "shame" researcher. Personally I hate that term, and I hate the connotations around it. I also have little tolerance for people who always seem themselves as victimized. I found this book to be much less about that, and much more about connectedness, willingness to take healthy risks, authentic relationships, and the like.… (más)

“Rising Strong” is the third in a series of recent books Brene Brown has written about the importance of vulnerability and authenticity in one’s life. Here she once again synthesizes her years of research, innate understanding of human behavior, and personal stories into a highly readable, relatable, and actionable self-improvement book.

In her earlier works, Brown references the times in our lives when we will all feel like failures, either personally or professionally. In “Rising Strong” she digs deep into that space between failure and recovery – the “Act 2” as she calls it – because she sees it being glossed over in our culture:

“On a cultural level, I think the absence of honest conversation about the hard work that takes us from lying face down in the arena to rising strong has led to two dangerous outcomes: the propensity to gold plate grit and a badassery deficit…We much prefer stories about falling and rising to be inspirational and sanitized…We like recovery stories to move quickly through the dark so we can get to the sweeping redemptive ending.”

With examples from her research and her own life, Brown outlines several case studies of people who spent a lot of time in “Act 2”, and the strategies they used to do the hard work required to really get back up and go on. She breaks these into three sections: Reckoning (recognizing something is wrong and getting curious about one’s own feelings); Rumble (reality-checking our first response to a problem and digging deeper); and Revolution (fundamentally transforming your story).

As I reviewed my notes from the book I realized that I had probably highlighted more sections in this book alone than I had in many other books combined. The material is completely engaging and her style is honest and authentic. 4 stars.

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House for a galley of this book in exchange for an honest review.
… (más)