Bad Joke of the Day 16

An English man, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and a German go to a club.
The guy on stage asks if they can see him.
They said: “Yes. Oui. Si. Ja.”

How do you get a farm girl to marry you?

Attract her.🚜

>2 2wonderY: Thank you. I need these silly jokes to distract (he left his tractor behind when he left the farm for the police force) my brother from a very complicated surgery he is recovering from in the hospital at the moment.

True thing:
I happen to be a member of the Nextdoor app.
On 01-Apr, a notable character there posted: Just saw the News release from NASA, that the Eclipse has been postponed from Monday, and moved to Tuesday… Please make and change your plans accordingly. Please pass on..This is important..

Many members appreciated the joke. Some actually thought it was true.

My reply: Due to budgetary constraints, the event is being downgraded from a total to a partial eclipse.
Hardly matters, as soon as the shadow crosses the border from Mexico, it'll likely be arrested.

I was watching the Australian version of Masterchef last night. One of the contestants made a lovely meringue and everybody cheered.

I thought, that's odd. Normally in Australia they boo meringue.

>5 AHS-Wolfy: That one should help MrsLee's brother rebound.

>5 AHS-Wolfy: LOL!

>5 AHS-Wolfy: & >6 humouress: We shall see if his pain meds let him work it out.

I have a friend who is on two simultaneous diets. He wasn't getting enough food on just one.

Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?

A: Pick a cod - any cod.

Q: What becomes of a baseball player when his eyesight fails?
A: He becomes an umpire.

>9 alco261: Nice!

Teacher: What is a millennium?
Johnny: It's about the same as a centenary, only it's got more legs.

>13 hfglen: LOL

>13 hfglen: HAhahahaha!

An antidote is a funny story you've heard before.

(Source: Rhodesia Railways Magazine, as for #13.)

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning.

Turned out to be a pyramid scheme.

>17 AHS-Wolfy: I'm going to use that.

"The biggest problems for traffic planners", says an expert, "are urban, suburban and bourbon drivers."

The Egyptians were great builders, up to a point.

A dragon would never explode, but a dino might.