Dustin Diamond (1977–2021)

Behind the Bell by Dustin Diamond (both king of awful and stupid)

While I LOVED (and will always love) Saved by the Bell this book isn't worth the cheap computer paper it is printed on. Yes, there were some juicy bits of awesomeness and gossip about the cast and their exploits. But, in the long run, it really wasn't worth listening to Diamond ramble on for pages about the technical details of shooting a TV show, his dong, and his supposed sexual conquests in order to get to the good bits. Like I (or anyone on the planet) truly wanted to hear trash about the ...more While I LOVED (and will always love) Saved by the Bell this book isn't worth the cheap computer paper it is printed on. Yes, there were some juicy bits of awesomeness and gossip about the cast and their exploits. But, in the long run, it really wasn't worth listening to Diamond ramble on for pages about the technical details of shooting a TV show, his dong, and his supposed sexual conquests in order to get to the good bits. Like I (or anyone on the planet) truly wanted to hear trash about the cast and not about Diamond trolling for teens at the Diz (Disneyland).

Also, the editor of this book and Transit Publishing should be shot for allowing such garbage, riddled with errors that hurt my brain as a lover of the English language, onto the market. But, based on their other stellar works of non-fiction they probably don't care about proper spelling and sentence structure.… (más)

This book should have been a can't-miss hit. My entire generation would love to read about who was having sex and doing drugs at Bayside. Mix together some revelations with a good dose of humility and you are good to go.

Instead, we get an unedited piece of garbage that reads like a 16-year old spoke it into some transcription software. Let's go through some prime material from the book here:

* If you get hammered and act like an asshole, you're a douchebag. If you're Dustin Diamond and get hammered and act like an asshole, it's a hilarious story involving your best friend
* The word douchenozzle is now actually in print
* Diamond has a huge penis, and we all care about his "writhing trouser snake."
* Diamond "shutters" when he thinks of things, which must mean he has the Amityville house and gets those windows open and closed all the time
* He uses the word "Like," writes it right into the sentence. Did he just dictate this onto his iphone and have it transcribed word for word and sent to copy?
* An open letter to the girls he's slept with and hurt, in which he talks about "his monster" and "bang sessions," and then gives a real heartfelt apology

The editing is just horrific. Entire paragraphs are repeated. Sentences such as "However, she was supposed to, however." Funny since in 2003 he sued the owner of dustindiamond.com, claiming that site "was laid out to look extremely amateurish and incompetently prepared, for example with many spelling mistakes."

In the end, I also didn't really gain any information about Saved By the Bell. Almost all of the writing that didn't have to do with his sexual prowess was just about how a TV show works in general. I can read that anywhere. Take my and the other reviewers' advice. You aren't going to get what you are looking for in this book.… (más)

It's the worst book I've ever read. Ever.

Despite the book itself being horrible, there clearly was no editor. The grammar was appallingly bad. The former copy editor in me wanted to take a red pen to it even though it was a library book. Words were misspelled. He used idiotic words such as douchenozzle to make a point. He also writes moronic, vague sentences, then follows them with the sentence "What I mean to say is this." (Say what you mean! Use your words!) The literary violations extend beyond letting the author have artistic control. The most egregious error: when the word horseshit needed a hypen to split it onto two lines, the hyphen appeared between the s and the h. Yes, horses-hit. How does that even happen in the post-typewriter world?

When I could get past the cringing from his complete misuse of me, myself and I, as well as that, which who and whom, the memoir was unnecessarily mean and condescending to every other human being in the world, past, present and future. Diamond showed no perspective, decency or rationality. He writes off people he met as a child. Yes, I understand you thought Fred Savage was spoiled when he was eight. Does it mean he still is? Perhaps, but none of us can stand the scrutiny of the actions of our eight-year-old selves. He boasted about his own sexual exploits while deriding others for it. Although he is ridiculously misogynistic, he seems to hold sexual adventure against everyone but himself. Yes, this derision includes the women he slept with; he's incredibly hateful to them.

I finished the book, but it was uncomfortable to read. I'm not a prudish person, but it was hard to read the words of someone so clearly unable to let go of his hatred for so many people, places, situations and things. Diamond needs therapy. He needs an editor. He needs a fact checker. Mostly, he needs to find something to enjoy. He needs to find some sense of meaning in his life. It was uncomfortable to read because he's a human being.… (más)