TE CarterReseñas

"Whether or not anyone likes me - whether or not I like me - I don't want to blame myself anymore. I only wanted to belong. I wanted so badly to be taken in - by someone, someplace. Anyone. Anyplace. I wanted it enough to screw up and lose myself, but I am still not to blame."

CW: Rape, rape culture, victim-blaming.

Ellie Frias has been bullied her whole adolescence - her peers have made her feel ugly, unloved, and insignificant. But Ellie is about to start her freshman year of high school, and she is determined to be a different girl, someone people notice and love. But Ellie's desperate need to belong finds her trapped in a horrible situation she can't find her way out of.

I Stop Somewhere is a very difficult book for me to rate. On the one hand, the content was dark, and at times hard for me to deal with. But it also bears extremely important messages for our day and age.

I'll jump right to the point - I Stop Somewhere is a story about rape and rape culture. In her quest to belong, the Ellie clings to the first guy who validates her and makes her feel beautiful. But he only sees her as an object he can use - he uses Ellie's vulnerability to get what he wants.

On the one hand, I wanted to slap Ellie for missing the obvious signs, for going back repeatedly to someone who obviously doesn't care. But I also saw myself in Ellie - because when I was a lonely high schooler, I made the same mistakes Ellie does. Only, I was lucky enough that the guy who took advantage of me didn't go as far as Ellie's does. The desire to belong and no longer feel loneliness is powerful - there are people that see that in others and use it to their advantage.

Writing-wise, this book wasn't perfect - I think the plot drug on in places. But many points were thrown out that cut right to the quick of the issue. This book doesn't shy away from describing the horrors of rape and Ellie's situation. I had to put it down a few times because it became too much - and there is little to no reprieve from the darkness of this story.

However, I can see why the story goes to such dark places - it's too easy to disregard rape victims, especially in our culture which still embraces the idea of "boys will be boys." Our poor boys - they were just having a little fun. What about their bright futures???



The story didn't have a very satisfying ending for me - but it reaffirms the problem of victim blaming in our culture that we still need to solve. This was a difficult book for me to read - not only was it extremely dark, but it made me really angry as well. (Yet I think if it didn't make me angry, there would be something wrong with me.)

As I mentioned before, I am having a difficult time assigning a rating to this, and I don't think I will. I can't say I had a fun time reading this book - but the message is so crucial that it doesn't deserve to be rated based on my enjoyment, like I do with most books. Therefore, I'm leaving it as it is. If the idea of rape culture and victim blaming still confuses you, please pick up this book.

"Death isn't the consequence for making mistake; it's the punishment we force on girls because they couldn't be good.

Only girls have to die for wanting."

Review also posted on my blog.

It was okay. Pretty predictable and didn't have much of a plot (at least not a compelling one) but it still made me emotional at some points and the premise was super interesting.

I don't think I've read a sadder book. Lexie seems to have been selected by the universe to suffer for an act committed by another family member. No matter where she tries to live, or what new identity she uses, people soon uncover her secrets and the torment begins all over again. She's so damaged and gun-shy that when someone does see the real Lexie, she freaks. Read the book to find out what happens after that.

I can not tell you the last time I read a book that shattered me the same way I Stop Somewhere did - still does. I am gutted. Absolutely, gutted. Even a week after closing this book with tears streaming down my cheeks, I am still reeling from the emotional roller coaster that this book was.

Please allow me to clarify; I Stop Somewhere is beautifully and carefully written. Even though my heart ached again and again for Ellie and for her father, I did love reading this book. The storyline is meaningful and the characters are brilliantly written and developed flawlessly over each page. I connected to Ellie. I cried with Mr. Frias. Their relationship is one that I get. But what made this book so tragic is how real and familiar this story is. We all know this story. We've all heard it before. This is the telling of a victim, her assault and the assault of others - an assault that countless (too many) others face every single day. This story is for them. This book is for us.

As much as I love I Stop Somewhere through all my heartache, I know that warnings are so important. So, please be aware: Yes, this book can be very painful. Yes, there is rape. Yes, there is violence. Yes, there is death. TE Carter is sensitive but she is also honest - read her Author's Notes section. These pages are every bit as important as the story itself.

I can't think of a time where I Stop Somewhere could be any more relevant or any more necessary to read.

Hard to read, needs trigger warnings regarding rape/assault.

A heart wrenching read as a rape/murder victim tells her story and that of the other victims.

Ellie has disappeared, but no one is really looking for her anymore. She's around, keeping watch over the other girls who Caleb and Noah bring to the house. Not that she can do anything, but she wants to notice, to remember.

This book was devastatingly hard to read. So many of our girls just want to be noticed, to belong, to be loved. Ellie didn't deserve what happened to her, no girl does. But our society doesn't value out girls. We must work to change things.

I received this eARC uncorrected galley from Feiwel & Friends on NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of this book in any way.

A warning before I begin. This book focuses on very heavy topics that may be triggers for some readers. If you have suffered sexual assault or other abuse, I would be wary about reading this, as there are graphic scenes.

The Writing

From the very first page of this book, I was completely drawn in. From the first line, the first word, I knew I was reading something that mattered, something that was so important. The writing is almost lyrical in its beauty. It feels like something haunted and true and private and sacred. It feels like the poem of a soul. I couldn't put it down. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking only of this book and the precious, necessary story told within. The symbols in this book were consistent and poignant; they carved themselves in my heart. Houses, ghosts, zombies, lost girls--all caught between life and death, between existing and not. I was highlighting everything, writing each quote into my soul.

The Characters

Ellie: Our narrator is an average, invisible girl. She does little with her life. She doesn't even know who she is. She wants to be the definitions of "girl" she sees in magazines, the type of girl that is noticed, but in a good way, a way that means you are important and lovable. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. Instead, she is used and discarded by the boy she thought she loved, thought she needed. She reflects on her Before and her After, and what she learns about what it means to mean something is truly powerful.

Caleb (and by extension, Noah): The Breward boys are the very embodiment of cruel, malicious entitlement, of confident fake-smiles and the love of pretending to be human. They take what they want and expect to get away with it--they have, after all, been getting away with everything their entire lives, as has their father, an equally despicable person.

Cassie and Thompson: These two women become the powerful female support and voice that all young girls need. They are what this world needs.

Kate: She is the friend that could have been.

Alex and Gomes: Alex, Ellie's father, is a hardworking single father who loves his daughter unconditionally, but is powerless to stop what happens to her, not because of anything he did or didn't do. Gomes, the detective on Ellie's case, learns that every girl is worth saving.

Gina Lynn: The mean girl who saw the light and saved the day in the end. Honestly, Gina was definitely one of the most surprising characters. She wasn't at all what I expected, but I'm glad she was.

Ellie's mother, Sierra: This woman is the opposite of Cassie and Thompson. She is what women shouldn't be, what people shouldn't be: ultimately self-serving and utterly apathetic.

Gretchen and the survivors: These girls are the candles whose wicks were doused but keep on burning, even if it's just an ember. They may flicker, but they still burn, and their flame can light the way for others to stand tall.

Conclusion

This was so much more than a book about rape. This was a book about loss and forgiveness (of yourself and others), about blame and where it lies, and what it means to matter. It was about what makes a girl. I felt like I was a part of something reading this. I felt personally touched and changed. I've experienced my own #metoo moments, though not as severe as in this book, but it struck a chord in me. I was left feeling strangely optimistic, though it doesn't have happy ending by any means. Nevertheless, I went away with the message (a message that has been a constant thought in my life recently, and a constant help as well) that the world is still full of beautiful things. That the horrible and the bad don't discount the tender sweet things. That life, even lost, is still wonderful.

4.5

This book, along with Louise O'Neals "Asking for It" are some of the most disturbing, sad, and brutally accurate depictions of rape I have read.

This book was both heartbreaking and powerful. It touches on insecurities, loneliness, and the lengths some will go to to be loved, and others will go to in order to feel powerful. Do not go into this lightly, and realize the material in this is strong and quiet adult. I will not say I don't recommend it for younger readers, because I believe that is situational. However, I would love to see mothers and fathers give this a read as well and use some of this material to start an open discourse.

Alexia flees from one school to another as people around her hold liable for the sins of her brother. It is through her eyes, that author Carter explores mental illness, self-reflection, situation avoidance and irrational behaviors. Her brother’s criminal behavior was a triggering event. It does not explain how people decided Alexia was guilty by association. Nor does it explain why Alexia would believe she would be capable of similar behavior. This is not the usual coming of age feel good novel.

I received this eARC uncorrected galley from Feiwel & Friends on NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of this book in any way.

A warning before I begin. This book focuses on very heavy topics that may be triggers for some readers. If you have suffered sexual assault or other abuse, I would be wary about reading this, as there are graphic scenes.

The Writing

From the very first page of this book, I was completely drawn in. From the first line, the first word, I knew I was reading something that mattered, something that was so important. The writing is almost lyrical in its beauty. It feels like something haunted and true and private and sacred. It feels like the poem of a soul. I couldn't put it down. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking only of this book and the precious, necessary story told within. The symbols in this book were consistent and poignant; they carved themselves in my heart. Houses, ghosts, zombies, lost girls--all caught between life and death, between existing and not. I was highlighting everything, writing each quote into my soul.

The Characters

Ellie: Our narrator is an average, invisible girl. She does little with her life. She doesn't even know who she is. She wants to be the definitions of "girl" she sees in magazines, the type of girl that is noticed, but in a good way, a way that means you are important and lovable. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. Instead, she is used and discarded by the boy she thought she loved, thought she needed. She reflects on her Before and her After, and what she learns about what it means to mean something is truly powerful.

Caleb (and by extension, Noah): The Breward boys are the very embodiment of cruel, malicious entitlement, of confident fake-smiles and the love of pretending to be human. They take what they want and expect to get away with it--they have, after all, been getting away with everything their entire lives, as has their father, an equally despicable person.

Cassie and Thompson: These two women become the powerful female support and voice that all young girls need. They are what this world needs.

Kate: She is the friend that could have been.

Alex and Gomes: Alex, Ellie's father, is a hardworking single father who loves his daughter unconditionally, but is powerless to stop what happens to her, not because of anything he did or didn't do. Gomes, the detective on Ellie's case, learns that every girl is worth saving.

Gina Lynn: The mean girl who saw the light and saved the day in the end. Honestly, Gina was definitely one of the most surprising characters. She wasn't at all what I expected, but I'm glad she was.

Ellie's mother, Sierra: This woman is the opposite of Cassie and Thompson. She is what women shouldn't be, what people shouldn't be: ultimately self-serving and utterly apathetic.

Gretchen and the survivors: These girls are the candles whose wicks were doused but keep on burning, even if it's just an ember. They may flicker, but they still burn, and their flame can light the way for others to stand tall.

Conclusion

This was so much more than a book about rape. This was a book about loss and forgiveness (of yourself and others), about blame and where it lies, and what it means to matter. It was about what makes a girl. I felt like I was a part of something reading this. I felt personally touched and changed. I've experienced my own #metoo moments, though not as severe as in this book, but it struck a chord in me. I was left feeling strangely optimistic, though it doesn't have happy ending by any means. Nevertheless, I went away with the message (a message that has been a constant thought in my life recently, and a constant help as well) that the world is still full of beautiful things. That the horrible and the bad don't discount the tender sweet things. That life, even lost, is still wonderful.

When Ellie Frias disappears, she becomes just another cold case that most people don't even think about twice. Her rich, popular ex-boyfriend Caleb is never even considered a possible suspect. But Ellie is forced to relive her ordeal over and over again as she watches her tormenters brutalize victim after victim. When one brave girl comes forward and accuses Caleb and his brother of an unthinkable crime, Ellie's case is reopened and her attackers may finally be brought to justice.

This is a heartbreaking and painfully raw story, reminiscent of The Lovely Bones, about an invisible girl who just wanted to be seen.

Summary: Ellie starts her freshman year of high school simply wanting to blend in, but when the handsome and rich Caleb starts flirting with her, she starts craving more – romantic love. But then, Ellie is brutally raped…

My Thoughts: This was a hard book for me to read, and it was clearly written by an author who is very angry at rape culture. Carter is ruthless in expressing the emotional strain – the feeling of being vulnerable and invisible at the same time – that comes after being raped. However, she also manages to never have a fully physically violent scene in the book, and for that I am grateful. It is important for teens these days to understand rape culture so that they do not get trapped in their own horror story – and also to teach them some empathy for those who are trapped. Books like this are exactly what is needed right now. At first, I felt that maybe the subject was too heavy for teens. But no. If they can read books like Hunger Games where teens are brutally murdering other teens, then they can certainly handle a book like this. And the subject of this book is infinitely more important than the average teen book these days. Good job to T. E. Carter – this was probably a very difficult book for her to write.

2.75