This is about on par with a lot of satirical non-fiction I’ve come across, which means that it’s solidly entertaining with some good jabs at current issues and culture, but also isn’t particularly deep or nuanced. (Then again, I imagine that’s pretty hard to do.) I think the best thing, the most important thing, about this book is that Ferguson is not wrong. Not even close to it. And he really does tell you everything you need to know to fit in.

I really wish I’d planned ahead and had a copy of the book to reference while I was writing this. Or (gasp) taken notes while I was reading. There are so many little jabs and asides and full-on Truths in this book, and I can’t mention every one of them because I’ve forgotten. However, I can say that Ferguson sticks to his title, writing this for every outsider trying to pretend they belong here, and that his good advice and hard truths includes:

it is appropriate to wear a loud floral dress with a jean jacket to a wedding
highways are not actually highways and also they are bendy
move to Victoria because weather
don’t bring up environmental or diversity issues because everyone has an opinion and yours is going to be wrong
if you’re going to name an educational or government institution or a similar body, be sure to include the name of the city or province it’s located in
how to identify a tree-planter
travel destinations
carry pepper spray in the woods so that when a bear attacks, you can spray your companion and escape
the great outdoors is dangerous, why would you go there?
lists make it look like you’ve done research and not like you’re cheating for page count

Guys, I felt seen and I’m not even one of the British Columbians he’s describing. Much. And I know that’s exactly what those British Columbians would say. (Also, I feel like a lot of what he’s commenting on culturally is a Western Canada thing, not a BC thing, but what do I know? It’s not like I’ve ever lived elsewhere.)

So yeah, if you want to laugh at this province and its people, this is a great book to pick up. If you want advice on how to navigate intersections, order coffee, and shoplift works of Canadian satire, this is also a great book to pick up. If you want actual, genuine survival tips such as how to properly layer for cold weather or build a lean-to when lost in the woods, hoo boy, is this not what you’re looking for.

I am, however, docking this half a point because, as confident as Ferguson is about how timeless and undated this book is, I think he’s wrong.

To bear in mind: May offend some British Columbians, but in a nice way. Mentions of Kamloops.

7.5/10 ( )