Amazing how time has changed our acceptance of unwed mothers. ( )

Amazing how time has changed our acceptance of unwed mothers. ( )

A courageous book that speaks for who-knows-how-many unmarried teens who went through the huge challenge of pregnancy in an era of guilt, condemnation, fear, and ignorance.

As a birth FATHER at age 18 who was compelled to give up all rights to my child, I experienced pain and grief that this book does not specifically address; but I vicariously suffered for my girlfriend, age 17 at the time, who was forbidden to see me again after the "scandal" was exposed in our small town. We frankly had no choice but to accept what we were told - and as it turns out, adoption was the best avenue for all involved. The very unfortunate part was just how it was orchestrated - anger, threat, and ostracism ruled the day...

Her parents took the reins to ensure that I was permanently removed from the picture (except when they sent me the medical bills); and not to ever again come near their daughter. It was as if a death had occurred. I was suddenly cut off from someone I dearly loved in a time of crisis without any recourse whatsoever. Needless to say, it proved painful beyond description, although at the time - just like the author - in many cases I didn't even know what kind of trauma I was going through. That's how uninformed we were in those times.

Please forgive the details that I added to this review; there's much more to my story (maybe I should write from the father's point of view?) - but I felt it important to provide a little context. The good news is that after more than 37 years, my biological daughter and I found each other! It turned out to be a very positive reunion and we share a good relationship today. I'm so thankful.

This book will be very helpful for anyone who has experienced this sort of thing - whether or not successful in reuniting with the child they gave up for adoption; or anyone who is interested in the very difficult topic of teen pregnancy during that "sealed adoption" era, and the very difficult choices one faced - choices often made for them as they were made for Judy in this book. In today's open society, the very notion of a "closed" adoption or the "shame" of a pregnancy out of wedlock is rather foreign, if not quaint. Furthermore both birth parents are normally encouraged to take part in whatever decision is to be made. But closed adoption and disrespect for teen parents were a reality, along with other things, well into the 70s and even after the Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion (and in many ways changed norms toward unwed pregnancies).

The author treats the entire subject with great sensitivity and a very personal and transparent approach - she did not exaggerate one bit, in my opinion. The reader can easily feel the emotions that coursed through her as she navigated the uncharted waters of her pregnancy, weaving elaborate secrets and lies to cover up the matter.

And as one can probably imagine my own level of empathy for the author grew with each chapter. Not only that, it prompted me to relive some of the events with sadness and grief, albeit from the exiled "bad guy" teen father's point of view. So, there was much in my own situation related to this particular story that I cannot say I experienced first-hand. And in that sense the book also helped me perhaps better understand some of the things my girlfriend went through which I had never before considered.

I recommend this book. ( )

I was also sixteen when I got pregnant, but in my case, it was in the mid-70s. A different decade, but I still faced some of the shame and ostracization as Judy did when she was faced with the same situation. Not to the same extent, of course, but similar.

I was sad that the author felt the need to hide her pregnancy from her family and her world. Even though I was so young and the father and I would not have a lasting relationship, I was in awe of being pregnant. Judy's story was typical of the time in which she lived, however. It made me wonder how many other girls faced the same predicament as she did. How many girls had to hide their pregnancies? How many had to go away from their families to "homes" to deliver their babies alone, to give them up, to never see them again? How many women go to their graves without connecting with the babies they had to give up? I was elated that Judy was able to connect with her birth daughter, but I imagine there are many that never get that opportunity. How incredibly sad for both parties.

As much as this is a sad story in the beginning, there is a triumphal ending. A very good read. It had me hooked from the beginning. ( )