Meh. Wasn't quite what I expected. The author's own marriage seemed quite troubled. Not the uplilfting stories I was looking for, though some were good... ( )

****Please note I received this book for free from Goodreads****

This gives an inside look at a variety of marriages and a variety of opinions on the subject. And, while I'm not a wife, I have been in a relationship with the same man for almost 6 and a half years. Sometimes that can feel like a marriage. It's got nothing in terms of longevity on the various marriages in this book though. I believe the youngest marriage of all included was 17 years long, the oldest, 70.

70 years is a long time to be married. I find it funny that even though I'm not married now, I find myself wondering if I could see myself married to him for the next 50 or so years. Lucky for me, that's not a crazy thing to think.

The book explores a lot of different elements of staying married. The main themes/elements are to be responsible for one's own happiness and not dependent on their partner for it. I try to do this as best I can, sometimes to the point of shutting myself off, which I'm working on.

Another theme is to explore your own hobbies, and to have space. I think this is crucial in any sort of relationship. Relationships where two people are engrossed in only each other are very limiting, and can be lonely, and boring. I'm a very solitary person by nature, though I do like to go out and socialize as well. Since my own relationship has been a long distance one, for most of the time, having space hasn't been too much of an issue. Though I must admit, since we have lived together for the last year and a half it has taken some getting used to.

Another important thing is to constantly be making friends, since new friends bring new experiences, and new experiences bring growth. This is another one that's hard for me to do. I'm very shy, and slow to trust. That's not to say I don't want to make more friends, I suppose I'm just picky about it.


Although the book is geared toward women, and holds mostly female points of view, a few male perspectives are provided as well, which gives this a nice sense of balance. It covers a lot of subjects, from parenthood and Empty Nest Syndrome to swingers, to starting over at 80.

It has both an academic and personal feel to it. It would probably make a good accompaniment to a college class on marriages or women's studies. ( )

I got this book from the LT early reviewers program. I don't know why I didn't review it right away. I did read it right away. I liked the message I got from the book that wives (and mothers) need to develop some of their own lives and passions aside from the family. It was a wonderful message for me at the time; one I took to heart and weaved into my life philosophy. I started making girlfriend dates on the weekends unlike before when I would reserve weekends for family time. But my family wasn't reserving the family time for me, they were watching football, catching up on movies, doing homework and playing video games. My life improved incredibly by doing some little things for me sometimes, instead of constantly care-taking my well cared for; and able family. I remember the book was written in short stories with the question which was a common thread; why does one family with similar problems divorce while another stays together. I'd like to read this again and see ponder that question along with the author. ( )

Lots of advice from older women who have been there, done that. Take away message: if you want to stay married don't get divorced. Get and develop your own life and passions; don't depend on your husband or anyone else for your own happiness. ( )

Review from The Book Wheel:

The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay Married by Iris Krasnow (an Oprah “Ten Titles to Pick Up Now” book) is a book that delves into the personal stories of various women and what it takes to keep their marriage going. Most of the book emphasizes the importance of having hobbies and friends outside of the marriage while other women discuss the pros of having affairs and/or swinging. That said, I have mixed feelings about the book and it is 70% because it has so many spoilers about classic novels (more on that later).

I went into this one knowing that the target audience is women who have been married 20+ years and are becoming empty nesters for the first time. It’s a precarious age when a woman has time to relearn who she is without being a caregiver and can cause a lot of stress within a marriage. I enjoyed reading these parts and see the value in the importance of having a life outside of the marriage. One person cannot possibly bring another person complete and total happiness and it is unfair to put that much pressure on one single person.

What I liked about this book is that it is realistic. I’ve been married less than two years and am incredibly lucky and happy, but I didn’t go into it thinking everything would be sunshine and rainbows. Real life and real love can be hard, but that only makes it more rewarding when you come out on the other side.

In the five years that I’ve known my husband, he’s seen me through two years of school, two major surgeries, quitting smoking, and a cross-country move. I figure if we made it through all of these, then we are A-okay. There are couples who split over any one of these things, and I am fortunate to have such a loving and enduring husband.

There are two things I didn’t like about this book. The first is that the author spends so much time focusing on what is logical and realistic that it completely leaves out any room for heart-racing romance. I was left thinking that while the author said romance is important and that lulls are normal, she didn’t really believe it and was resigned to mediocrity. The second is that it has so many spoilers in regard to classic novels. I now know the endings to Madame Bovary, Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina, and the movie It’s Complicated. And I don’t mean she gives away the general sense-of-the-ending…. She gives away the details and pivotal points and all of these books are on my Classics Club list, which is very frustrating.

I think this book is best suited for women who have been married for at least 10+ years. I’m glad that I read it because it confirmed my suspicions that living only within the confines of a marriage can be stifling. A good marriage and a good husband is one that enables you to be yourself and flourish, not place limits on your potential. I just hope I can reciprocate! ( )