Truly disappointing. I wanted to flesh out my Men In Kilts category, and I just couldn’t bring myself to finish this.

Scotland, approximately Regency-era-ish? Hard to know.

I wasn’t too keen on the opening chapter, but, hey, openers are hard. Kitt’s father, the head of Clan McKlintock, is dying, and he asks her To Do Something For Him. We don’t get to know what. He also names her the new Clan Chief, defying all sorts of convention, etc. She is worried, but determined.

Cut to a ship in the middle of a terrible storm. Alex, lord whatever of Blackthorne Abbey, is being tossed about and could well die. Cue lengthy flashback to the past ten years of his life! He used to a naive romantic, he married a slutty, mean-spirited woman named Penthia (PENTHIA.) and they had twin girls. Penthia’s a bitch, slept with his brother, and told Alex the twins are not his. Alex was all, like, sensible and shit, and shunned the children even though he has adored them since they were born and still does. Love children, hurt by mother, put up giant wall so the kids think you’re a cold bastard. Totally makes sense. In the last few months, Penthia died of drunkenly falling down the stairs (thus completing the unholy checklist of unforgivable sins), and Alex only realized how much he loves and misses his children nine days ago, when he resolved to not be such a dick to them anymore. Then he left for Scotland. Clever.

Wait, where we were? Oh, right, on a ship about to sink! The ship sights land, but the other sailors have it in for him. They beat the crap out of Alex, and toss him overboard. He nearly drowns, but is awake long enough to see that the ship does sink. Fade out to painful oblivion.

Full Review: http://www.thewordofgit.com/readingbackwards/2010/05/the-bodyguard/ ( )