Basically a history of Norwegian Cruise Lines and the genesis and ultimate supremacy of Carnival Cruise Lines. Kloster (NCL) and Arison (C) had originally worked closely together. They had a falling out because Arison was playing loose with the float, i.e. money that had been collected from passengers for future trips. After having been close friends they became vigorous rivals. Both were extreme optimists, but Arison coupled that with bravado. His first ship was the Mardi Gras which had been close to the junk heap but was advertised as the "flagship of a go9lden fleet." Problem was, there was no fleet and the ship was anything but golden Spanish workers nicknamed it Mierda Grassa which translates into "fat piece of shit."

The first voyage, while considered a disaster by some, really helped to define the role of the cruise industry. The focus no longer was no longer on where the ship was going but on the ship itself. The Mardi Gras, through a spectacular error by the pilot and miscommunication in languages as they were leaving harbor managed to run it aground. No damage was done, but it was PR calamity, having the maiden voyage of the flagship sitting crosswise across the entrance to the harbor preventing other ship traffic and in plain view of the highway running parallel to the ship channel. Arison's son, who was aboard, had the inspired idea of opening the bar and celebrating the ship. Who cares if we don't go anywhere, was the theme, we're having a lot of fun. The episode also became the inspiration for a Carnival Lines drink: the Mardi Gras on the rocks. Carnival ships now became the "fun" ship line.

And then came "The Love Boat," or, as described by one wag, "the Disney porn show." The show could not have appeared at a better time. Free publicity worth hundreds of millions of dollars. That coupled with ships that were cheap to build thanks to European subsidies to keep their industry afloat (pun intended,) the disappearance of transatlantic travel which brought many ships on to the market for a fraction of what they had cost, cheap third world labor, and the ability to register ships at offshore tax havens, made for extremely high profits. The industry exploded.

Soon the industry was controlled by just 3 families with Carnival and RCCL controlling 10 of 16 cruise lines. At any given time today there are more than 200,000 people at sea in ships "as safe as strip malls," (they look like them, too.) The latest mega-ship -- soon to be eclipsed in size -- is Voyager of the Seas. They are so efficient that turn-around time in port is 8 hours even though they must load food for 160,000 meals, and move 8,000 passengers (1/2 getting off, 1/2 getting on.)

Of course, this efficiency comes from rather miserable working conditions and the industry relies on workers from Third World countries. It's also ironic that companies that wrap themselves in American iconography and the protections and benefits of operating as American companies, pay few federal taxes and are not subject to U.S. labor laws thanks to flags -of-convenience countries like Liberia which require little in the way of responsibility on the part of ship owners. "The opportunity for abuse is simply breathtaking," said Matt McCleery, editor of Marine Money That being said, conditions have improved tremendously for the workers if not for US taxpayers since the cruise industry pays virtually no taxes on immense profits.

Flags of convenience mean little to the passengers until something untoward happens on board they discover they are not longer subject to the laws of the United States but rather on a virtual "sovereign island," a small piece of Liberia, where the ship's owners have a lock on what happens. The FBI technically has jurisdiction for crimes committed on ships that leave U.S. ports, but the catch is that the ships are not required to report any crimes that are committed.

There is a huge incentive for cruise lines to offer immense discounts after the ship has reached its break-even point of 65% capacity. Everything above that number is all profit, especially since on-board spending brings in a lot of revenue, not to mention helps to pay tips to the crew whose wages are so paltry to begin with. And then there is the waste: "A typical cruise ship with 2600 passengers on a one-week voyage produces on average: 245,000 gallons of sewage, 2.2 million gallons of grey water, 37,000 gallons of oily bilge water, 141 gallons of photo chemicals, seven gallons of dry cleaning waste, thirteen gallons of used paints, five pounds of batteries, ten pounds of fluorescent lights, three pounds of medical waste, and 108 pounds of expired chemicals. Some of this ends up in the ocean, either intentionally or because it is mixed with grey water. Plastics, as well, make their way into the ocean when incinerator ash is discharged — there is no guarantee that all plastic and dioxins have been eliminated — and when it goes down the toilet or the pulpers in the galley." (http://www.newtimes.org/issue/0307/cruise.htm)

One area where they have done remarkably well -- thanks mostly to the CDC -- is sanitation. Even while they might be dumping thousands of gallons of bilge water (Royal Caribbean executives almost went to jail over this) the CD has worked closely with the cruise lines to prevent shipboard illness and the number of cases has been remarkably small considering the huge number of people served.

I love ships, but every time I get excited about a cruise, I need only look at the brochures that show a gray-haired man and his lovely, slightly younger, but still a little gray-haired wife, in formal wear being seated for dinner. The last thing I want on vacation is to have to dress for dinner. So if and when I ever do go on a ship again (we traveled to Europe twice and back in the fifties and early sixties: Liberte, Rotterdam, and QE 1) it will be a container ship. Then again, I was very seasick on the QE and you know what they say about seasickness: You wish you would die, but what is worse, you realize you won't. ( )