The first prize must go to the Deodorizing and Sound-Muffling Anal Pad. The patent's background material details the sad decline of the human anal sphincter muscle, whose gripping capacity fades as we age. The absorbing Layer is said to "trap the sound of a flatus," as though one might later drive it to a less populated area and release it.

There are also inflatable, rather than malleable, penile implants. Here you don't bend the penis, you pump it up. The surgeon implants a small bladder of saline or air above the pubic bone. This gets pumped into the implant by means of a hollow, squeezable bulb implanted in the scrotum and attached to the prothesis by a plastic tube. Inflatables are more popular because—unlike a malleable implant—they enlarge the girth of a penis, as would happen in an unaided erection. To many men, it seems more natural—except, of course, for the scrotum-squeezing aspect of the event

This book is a tribute to the men and women who dared. Who, to this day, endure ignorance, closed minds, righteousness, and prudery. Their lives are not easy. But their cocktail parties are the best.

Cheese crumbs spread in front of a copulating pair of rats may distract the female, but not the male.