This is not an easy book to read. Not because it is badly written, Louise O'Neill has a wonderful way with prose. It's because of the topic of the story. It's a book about self-destruction. Mistaking love for being used. While I found it hard to empathise with the main character, I often found myself uncomfortably nodding along to her feelings. For many women, there will be a recognition in Sarah's thinking. ( )

❧ audiobook review

All she wanted to do was stand there and look. Being by the sea always made Sarah feel small. Insignificant in a way that was comforting somehow.

I'm actually setting this one aside for now. About halfway done, and whilst I really do like O'Neill's writing and I'm definitely going to try one of her other books, I'm not in the right mood for this one. I think what the book is trying to depict is an important topic to discuss - how bad relationships can become - but I don't think I'm in the head space for it. As well, Sarah is a character that I'm struggling to connect to. I'll probably come back to this at some point though. The story certainly does draw you in.

A fine book by a perceptive observer and skilled writer, I reckon. Of course, comparison with Sally Rooney is inevitable, and I think O'Neill scores pretty well in that department. This story is one of exploitation in a relationship with huge power imbalance, told very much from the woman's perspective, although we do see her from others' point of view too. It isn't completely clear why the protagonist gets herself into this situation of obsessive subservient love for a rich man, but it is apparent that her parents - and their lack of parenting due to death and grief and inability - are to blame to a significant degree. There's more to this story than this one bad relationship, however, and there's plenty of complexity to keep the reader interested. There's a lot said about Irish culture in the post-boom 21st century, as well as a more general picture of live of people everywhere in their 20s. I'm a long way from that, but it rings true anyway. The story provoked memories of my own youthful (and older) behaviour that I would rather have forgotten. ( )

Things are not going too well between Sarah and her partner. Is it just because her job as a teacher exhausts and frustrates her? She is an artist, but has never been good enough to really succeed with her paintings, not like her mother-in-law to be or her best friend. When she flees their home one afternoon, she by coincidence meets Matthew and all comes up again. The man she loved like never before, the man she would have given up everything for – the man she has given up everything for and destroyed so much. But he is still Matthew and there is something in her that makes the old feeling, she thought she had overcome, show up again.

After reading the blurb, I expected a story with an unhealthy love addiction and intense feelings on the part of the female protagonist. I was quite sure to feel compassion for her obsessive love and what it makes with her, yet, I mainly hated Sarah, even more than Matthew, which made it a bit difficult to really enjoy the novel.

So, why didn’t I feel pity for her? First of all, she is incredibly arrogant. When still young, her best friend from university gets the big chance of an exhibition, but instead of being happy for him, she envies him and is convinced that it should have been her. Second, her father obviously is quite lonely in their remote village and he always tries not to put her under pressure and to tolerate her awful behaviour, but she treats him like an old imbecile. Yes, he might not have been the perfect dad when her mother died – yet, he also lost his beloved wife and needed time for himself and his grief. Her school friends are just places she can dump her personal dramas, she doesn’t care about their problems and feelings and even doesn’t realise when she spoils her former best friend’s wedding. The current relationship is marked by her evil behaviour towards her boyfriend. No, he cannot do anything right, she only snaps at him and looks down on him. All of this is not necessarily linked to her obsessive love, not, she is just a very mean person.

When it comes to her flashbacks and memories of the time with Matthew, well, it is the classic constellation: a successful man in the middle of his life meets the naive girl who falls for him and somehow she succumbs to the illusion that he might also fall in love with her. Her whole behaviour – bombarding him with text messages, dropping everything when he calls, accepting all his wishes in their shabby hotel room, being subservient in any imaginable way – well, that’s something that might happen, but over months without understanding what is going on? That she is never at his side in public, but hidden in a hotel room where he doesn’t even have the time for a proper conversation with her? At least, she can serve as a cautionary tale.

I am not sure if I find Sarah’s character authentic and thus could really believe the story. Nevertheless, it captivated me somehow and I almost read it in just one sitting which definitely speaks for Louise O’Neill. ( )

Sarah Fitzpatrick is seeing a man. She has to keep the relationship a secret and they meet in an hotel room. Her father and friends are becoming very worried about her.

This is the first book that I've read by Louise O'Neill. It's difficult for me to say how I feel about it. I certainly enjoyed reading the story and did want to find out how what was going to happen. However I felt uncomfortable reading the book at times.

This section may contain spoilers.
The story of Sarah meeting Matthew was very raw. Sarah just wants love and is prepared to do anything to get it, including letting Matthew have sex with her any way he wants. It's clear to the reader that is all Matthew wants, and gets. At times I could have cried for Sarah and at other times I felt like giving her a good shake. Sarah is gradually cutting of her friends by her actions when all along they are the ones who love her.

I'm glad I read this book but I didn't love it. I found it hard to read because of the subject matter but it does reflect what people will do just for love. ( )