This book moved me, showed me the inner feelings of someone I might never have given attention to, let me know that there is a place in a soldier's heart for caring and thinking. Yes, there were horrific descriptions of some of the injuries and inhumanity, but reading this horror was necessary background to understanding his own healing journey. While he mourns the loss of his ability to be a physician, I would use the word ‘healer’ to describe Kerstetter's current writing. This is one of only a few books that compelled me to write a message of appreciation to the author.
I picked up the book for several reasons. First, I have a friend who’s son returned from Afghanistan and still sturggles with PTSD, and I thought this might give me (and her, after sharing it) some insights. Also my grandson, recently graduated from high school, announced he was signing up for National Guard. As someone who has difficulty understanding how war can bring about peace, I thought the book might show him that his desired training in cybersecurity may not guarantee that he won’t be assisgned to be personally engaged in combat. I don’t know yet if I’ll share this book with him, as he has his own trajectory to follow.
Finally, my impulse to get the book is because I have worked as a nurse so medical experiences are of interest, and I worked 5 years with the Oneida Tribe and like to learn how different people’s life experiences are impacted by their cultural heritage. From this perspective, I appreciated Kerstetter's thoughts on the different approaches of therapists and the sense of caring he felt from different personnel, and the importance of the blessing (as I see it) of the Oneida elder when he was young. And I was laughing out loud with the sentence on grammar “the difference between a comma and a colon ...is one could get cancer.” (p.318)
When I first read the book jacket, I wondered how a person so impacted by a stroke could write a book. I imagined Kerstetter having a strong oral tradition background and using that avenue to speak his story to a tape recorder and then transcribing it. And he does indicate that his first writing instructor had him retell his poorly written paragraph orally (p.319). Yet the chapter on writing indicates he did it mainly on computer, and was a very enlightening description of coralling a distracted/disjointed thought process.
For me, the most personally affecting sentence was “I felt badly but had no remorse. I was not sorry for things I could not yet control” (p.301). My 35-yr old son has autism with language deficits and has aggressive outbursts in which he injures someone. I’m asked by doctors or case manager.if he knows he’s done wrong, if he expresses any apology or sorrow. And honestly what I observe after the outburst is a kind of grin. I might interpret it as an appeasement facial expression, but no remorse.
As a woman, reading this story I wondered how his wife ever decided to put up with him all those years. Of course, that wasn’t the topic of this book. I also wondered why would his children express so much love for someone who spent so much time working and was driven to succeed, but then started looking at time possibilities and translated three 24-hour shifts into 4 days/week available all day long to be involved in their education and activities.
I also read the interview of Kerstetter by The Normal School and am much heartened by his statement “If we continue turning out excellent literature of war, we have a better chance at driving a cultural dialogue that focuses on the true costs of war.” I hope he has time to do some more writing from that perspective. I see our nation as very divided, with some seeing war as proof of patriotism and denigrating any efforts for peace. I think we need, as a nation, to come to that line dividing us and reach our hads across the boundary. ( )

The author was a doctor during war in Rwanda, Kosovo, Bosnia, and Iraq. The book is a deep exploration of the many aspects of his life: Oneida, son, father, husband, doctor, soldier, stroke survivor, student, author. I had to skip some of the chapters on his war experience, partly because it was difficult to experience, and also I was anxious to jump ahead to read about his experience with his stroke and recovery. I had heard him speak at a book festival, and was most interested in that part of his story. The account of his journey from doctor to patient, from denial to acceptance and the discovery of new meaning and purpose in life is compelling. When he shares his experience with cognitive deficiencies, you have to stop and marvel at how he has managed to become a writer. I am in awe. ( )

I was excited to read Dr. Kerstetter’s memoir given my own connections to the military (my father was in the navy) and the medical field (my mother’s entire career has been in medicine). I thought my deepest connections to this book would be via these avenues through my own parents, but I was so incredibly wrong. This book could have been a message on resilience, but even more than that I connected to Dr. Kerstetter’s hunger for MORE. He constantly pushed himself, for fear of complacency or to feed his inner drive, regardless of the motives, I connected to him deeply throughout this book. The latter portion of this book is dedicated to Jon’s recovery and realization that, as a result of his stroke, he would no longer be able to practice medicine or serve in the military. To be ripped of such a huge part of one’s identity is unfathomable, but Dr. Kerstetter allows the reader to see the truth in his struggle. A very impressive 4 star read!

For the full review, please visit: https://fortheloveofthepageblog.wordpress.com/ ( )