Actual rating: 4.25
(No book summary, just my personal thoughts. Spoilers marked in second half of review.)

To be perfectly honest, I think my rating is a bit biased because I read this DIRECTLY after finishing Silvera's other novel, "More Happy Than Not", and I think I was in the mindset of 'which is better?'. And that is a very difficult question because both books are two very different stories. Although they have similar threads and characteristics, the focuses of each are in separate spots.

HIAYLM is a story about grief, losing people close to you, relationships, and healing. It isn't a cheery story, but it's not all doom and gloom, either. Rather, Silvera's newest book has an emphasis on how grief can change people, and their relationships, in unforeseen ways (at least, that's what I got out of it). There is also a heavy theme of OCD and mental health, something that I have seen in multiple YA novels, but I think Silvera did a fairly solid job of incorporating it into his work in a nonproblematic way. (more on this in the spoiler section)
The characters themselves are multilayered and very interesting, and I was intrigued to see how their seemingly conflicting personalities and agendas were actually more similar than originally perceived. The emotions in this book were complicated, and sometimes felt a tad angsty, but obviously some angst is expected in a book where the characters are grieving.
I went to a book event where Silvera talked about the writing of this book, and he said that originally he has written the book in a very linear structure. There was none of the "History" flashback chapters, but he added them in later to balance the story. I think this was a marvelous choice, and it thoroughly aided in my understanding of the characters!
Also, as an aside, I loved that family was an significant presence in HIAYLM. I find some YA novels shove the family aspect to the side, and it's never realistic. Kudos, Silvera!

I plan on rereading this again! It was compelling and full, and a very memorable story. I would recommend to anyone who liked Silvera's other book.

SPOILERS BELOW!

*Okay, in regards to Griff's OCD, the one thing that irked me a little was that near the end of the book, Wade begins helping Griff try to overcome his OCD. He does things like walk on Griff's left side, and he doesn't replay songs an even number of times. Griff starts to get better, and I thought it seemed just a bit forced. I mean, just FORCING someone to not be able to deal with their compulsions isn't a fix all. It just felt a little sudden to me? This isn't a HUGE thing, but it stood out to me.
*I just always find it uncomfortable when two characters who have been in a relationship with a mutual person end up getting it on together. I totally see how Griff and Jackson were led to that, but it was a little cringy for me. This didn't affect my rating, I just personally find it awkward!
*Wade knowing things about Griff (like the keychain, wanting to make a photo collage of the two of them, etc) made me so sappy and tearful :')
*Okay, this is random, but I would LOVE to see a novel set maybe 10 years later when Denise (Theo's little sister) is more grown up. I don't know why this struck me, but I feel like that would be an interesting story all on it's own!
*Honestly, the part where Jackson and Griff are in California dragged a bit for me. It just seems a little stilted in comparison to the beginning and end of the book. I can't pinpoint it exactly, but it seemed like enough didn't happen there.


( )

What mark do people leave on others' lives? How do you calculate and qauntify and make people understand how someone else shaped you? Are stories and pictures and memories enough when that person is no longer there? When your rock, your touchstone, the reason you go on (whether you acknowledge this or not) is taken away from you - what do you do?

Griffin faces this question and more in HISTORY IS ALL YOU LEFT ME, a novel told in the "today" (how Griffin deals with Theo's loss, starting with November 20th, 2016 and ending in January 2017) and in the "history" (how Griffin & Theo's relationship evolved from 2014 onwards, ending with Griffin receiving the call about Theo's death on November 13th, 2016). Using the dual timelines we get an idea of who Griffin is before Theo's death and after, but we also gain insight into how Griffin viewed Theo.

Full disclosure when I was 13 I loss my best friend since cradle to a long term illness. I didn't cope well and had seen a psychiatrist about the fact I insisted on writing my friend letters, referring to him in present tense and in general did not acknowledge his death in a way deemed healthy. While my relationship with him is in no way similar to Theo & Griffin's, and my grief does not resemble Griffin's, the underlying reason for both is the same I believe

You don't get to choose your future. Not definitively. Not really. The best any one can manage is to dream, work towards that dream and deal with obstacles to that dream. As humans we like to make grand declarations like "I will love you forever" and "we will never be apart", but they're less promise and more hope. For Griffin his future definitely included Theo in some way. As friends or as more, no other future existed for Griffin.

I get that. Theo was...he was everything. Even when he was hundreds of miles away, even when he was with a different guy...none of that mattered. Spoiler: I spent a lot time crying during this book.

And Jackson...the enemy or something else, it all got mixed up for Griffin. Jackson represented a piece of Theo that Griffin didn't have--couldn't have. He knew what Theo was like all those hundreds of miles away. He knew what he was like in private moments when they were truly alone. He knew so many things Griffin wanted to know and experience and thought he would experience with Theo. That made someone Griffin wanted to know and felt jealous of.

Grief is...messy. It's not something that is standard or controlled. There are patterns to grief, but I. the end grief is as messy as anything else. For me grief became a solid wall. There was nothing and no one beyond that wall. If I didn't venture beyond it, then I didn't have to realize Marc wasn't there anymore. I didn't have to piece together what that meant. So I hid behind that wall so hard I stopped speaking. I stopped eating. I stopped doing ANYTHING.

For Griffin his grief was just as self destructive but in a...less isolating way. Griffin didn't hide behind a wall and ignore his grief, he screamed his grief through his actions (scratching til he bled, pulling his earlobe) and through his belief that Theo was listening to him.

This book...I don't know if I could reread it. The physical and emotional pain I felt while watching Griffin deal with his emotions messed with my calm. These two...I loved Theo as Griffin did. I was just as confused about what to do when Theo left for school. I was just as torn up when Theo moved on (but he didn't or he did or he sort of did, he said he loved Griffin and Jackson was just to pass time because he was so alone without Griffin so it would all work out..in the future...).

But at some point Griffin's grief triggered my buried (buried so far I thought it dealt with) grief and well. I recommend this book. In my opinion everyone should read it. EVERYONE. just...be aware of your emotions. ( )

2.5 Stars

I can’t deny that I enjoyed this book and felt quite moved by the beautifully written journey of people coming to terms with the loss of a loved one (I cried when they visited THE beach). However, there were some elements that felt a bit unhealthy. I understand that Griffin is going through the different stages of grief but he certainly went there e.g. angry revenge sex with dead ex’s boyfriend aimed at hurting the dead ex-boyfriend *blink blink* . Again, I do know he is confused and hurting but I feel like he lacks the ability to understand everyone else's grief and how his own actions are affecting others. Dare I say it but I think he used other people’s grief to help ease his. All this being said it was a sad and emotional book where guilt, loss and love are wonderfully expressed. ( )

Such a touching book. I loved the the Mr Silvera was able to capture my entire attention and envelope me so completely in this book. Many tears were shed, however it was a moving book. ( )

It started as a solid 5-star book but it slowly got cheesier and less realistic. It was very slow and not much happened plot-wise. The most emotion it got out of me was in the first 20 pages. I do appreciate that there was no "love fixes mental illness" theme thrown around, but otherwise I feel like I spent the majority of the book checking how many pages were left and wondering how it could possibly still be that long. ( )