I had high hopes for this book, based on the cover and the description, but in the end I just wasn't a fan. I didn't like either of the main characters; neither one has many endearing qualities. The narrator is a bit intrusive, and the childish illustrations didn't add much to the story. I'm sure there are kids who will love this book, but it didn't work for me.

Note: I received an ARC from the publisher. ( )

"I'm a man of simple pleasures," he said. "All I ever wanted was a castle, my own pride of lions, a jeweled crown, a choir of elves singing me awake each morning, sainthood, the power to make gold, the best mustache in Europe, a Jacuzzi, an elephant from the indies, another one to be its friend, a singing giraffe, the power of invisibility, Magical Cheese Powers, a tiger with the feet of a lamb, the head of a lamb and the body of a lamb -- basically, a lamb -- power over the sea, power over the letter C..."

Dear Reader,
This is just a note to say, I cut the next 4,235 of Mordmont's simple pleasures, because really they weren't that necessary. Or simple. And because I like to save paper where I can.
Love,
Sidney the Tree

"...and a meringue that speaks Japanese," Mordmont said finally. "Is that really too much to ask?"

Moat dragons, interjections by Sidney the Tree, Prince Kanye the Anachronistic, musings of the life dreams and goals of a goat, knee-switching, the Black Death, and fairy tale obsession run amok combine to create a super fun children's book. Now THIS is a children's book that was actually written for children!

Sisters Eliza and Lavender live on the Old Tumbledown Farm in the Middle of Nowhere with Grandma Maud and Gertrude the goat. Eliza spends her time doing farm chores and dreaming of mystery-solving and swashbuckling adventures. Lavender spends her time getting out of farm chores, pining over princes, and practicing fainting. When Lavender disappears to find her prince and is kidnapped instead by Count Mordmont, Eliza and Gertrude set off to rescue her.

Another book that channels Roald Dahl, this fractured fairy tale is silly, hilarious fun, with so much nonsense, wordplay, gross disgustingness, asides, bad puns, and other goofiness kids will LOVE it, and probably fall out of their seats laughing. As I began reading it, I longed for the days when I had time to read aloud to the girls. Then one of my daughters (17 next month) asked me to help her curl her hair. I said I would, if while I did she took a look at this book, several chapters of which she then proceeded to read aloud to me because they were so funny. When I passed it along to my other daughter (14), she did the same thing. I can't WAIT to share this with my students.

The two sisters took two huge gulps of air, and then dived down into the stinking green water. And Lavender, her eyes shut tight, reached out below her, and touched something slimy. And Eliza, plunging downward, accidentally caught hold of the gnarled old leg...
...of a piano...
...tuner.

"I'm a man of simple pleasures," he said. "All I ever wanted was a castle, my own pride of lions, a jeweled crown, a choir of elves singing me awake each morning, sainthood, the power to make gold, the best mustache in Europe, a Jacuzzi, an elephant from the indies, another one to be its friend, a singing giraffe, the power of invisibility, Magical Cheese Powers, a tiger with the feet of a lamb, the head of a lamb and the body of a lamb -- basically, a lamb -- power over the sea, power over the letter C..."

Dear Reader,
This is just a note to say, I cut the next 4,235 of Mordmont's simple pleasures, because really they weren't that necessary. Or simple. And because I like to save paper where I can.
Love,
Sidney the Tree

"...and a meringue that speaks Japanese," Mordmont said finally. "Is that really too much to ask?"

Moat dragons, interjections by Sidney the Tree, Prince Kanye the Anachronistic, musings of the life dreams and goals of a goat, knee-switching, the Black Death, and fairy tale obsession run amok combine to create a super fun children's book. Now THIS is a children's book that was actually written for children!

Sisters Eliza and Lavender live on the Old Tumbledown Farm in the Middle of Nowhere with Grandma Maud and Gertrude the goat. Eliza spends her time doing farm chores and dreaming of mystery-solving and swashbuckling adventures. Lavender spends her time getting out of farm chores, pining over princes, and practicing fainting. When Lavender disappears to find her prince and is kidnapped instead by Count Mordmont, Eliza and Gertrude set off to rescue her.

Another book that channels Roald Dahl, this fractured fairy tale is silly, hilarious fun, with so much nonsense, wordplay, gross disgustingness, asides, bad puns, and other goofiness kids will LOVE it, and probably fall out of their seats laughing. As I began reading it, I longed for the days when I had time to read aloud to the girls. Then one of my daughters (17 next month) asked me to help her curl her hair. I said I would, if while I did she took a look at this book, several chapters of which she then proceeded to read aloud to me because they were so funny. When I passed it along to my other daughter (14), she did the same thing. I can't WAIT to share this with my students.

The two sisters took two huge gulps of air, and then dived down into the stinking green water. And Lavender, her eyes shut tight, reached out below her, and touched something slimy. And Eliza, plunging downward, accidentally caught hold of the gnarled old leg...
...of a piano...
...tuner.

4.5 stars. This book is full of punny humor and I read it in one night! There are footnotes too, I love that :D. It is a bit gory for kids though with illustrations showing detached limbs.... But fun for grown ups ha! ( )