Andrew Solomon lays out his arguments in a way that is so readable and absorbing. This is a delicious read about the challenges within many groups of folks facing challenges within themselves and within their parenting. ( )

A work of pure genius. Couldn't put it down. Jaw-dropping stories, interspersed with obviously careful scholarship. I believe Dwight Garner called it "essential reading," which it is that. ( )

Solomon looks in incredible detail at what he terms "horizontal identities". Vertical identities are identities that parents share with their children i.e. race would be a vertical identity. Horizontal identities are ones where the characteristics are not necessarily shared with the parents i.e. transgender or autism or sometimes deafness. Solomon writes extensively on each of these various differences.

He writes with incredible empathy, but really tries to show all sides of every issue. There are sides? Yes, there really are. If you are deaf, should you or should you not get a cochlear implant and at what age? What types of interventions are best for a child with autism? Forced medications or not for someone with Schizophrenia? There are actually an amazing number of issues and disagreements with how to proceed when a child manifests any of these issues. Limb lengthening for dwarfs? Parents disagree on all of these issues and more, but throughout Solomon shows respect for all the viewpoints while providing medical arguments and whatever evidence is available for the reader. And he also shows how parents often love these children as they are and don't wish them to necessarily be different. Just a very, very compelling read. I think they should excerpt some of this for use in schools to foster better understanding of differences.

The amount of research this guy did was incredible. It is a lot of anecdote, but that is what truly brings the book to life. It was a sociological study, a psychological study, and yet also a true testament to the power of parental love.

One thing I especially enjoyed is that the author didn't totally squelch his own opinions and insight out of the book. If he had some philosophical thoughts or perspective, he wasn't afraid to share those. I think that brought a humanity to the book that you wouldn't usually see in a non-fiction treatise that also has a bit of an academic bent to it.

At any rate, I would highly recommend this book as it fosters humility, empathy, and understanding as well as a deep appreciation for one's children. And gratitude on my part for having such an easy life by comparison. And admiration for those who carry big burdens, often with such love and grace. ( )

An exploration of families in which children have "horizontal" identities that distance them from their parents - Deaf, dwarfism, autism, prodigies, Down syndrome, mental illness, conceived in rape, criminal behavior, and more. The author is a gay Jewish man whose parents weren't really comfortable being Jewish and not happy about his gayness. He's trying to cover a lot of ground here - it's a huge book - and not all of it works, but it's thought provoking. For me, who never wanted children, both interesting and off-putting, yet fascinating to see the different choices and outcomes. I think the section on prodigies was the most eye opening for me.
There's a bit too much "I wouldn’t trade my experience because it’s brought me so much joy” because to be honest, some of the stories sound really awful and these declarations rarely feel believable to me. Disability porn. Who’s brave enough to say “This isn’t what I hoped for and I can’t take it much longer.”? ( )

Recommended to me by someone who has always felt "different" and is now thinking they are on the autism spectrum. This is a very thick book, and quite daunting. I started at the beginning and felt the author was relating everything he said to his own situation. But the world isn't all about him. I was never going to finish this book, so my advisor told me to just read the chapter on autism (my child's disability).. I actually jumped to the chapter on Multiple Serious Disabilities, and felt a lot of emotional similarity between my situation and those parents. Then I read the statistic that '85% of people with mental retardation live with or under the supervision of their parents' and felt profoundly distressed that my desire for having a life of my own will either never be met before I die or will give me permanent guilt for being unable to accomplish what most others do. Typing this now, I see that I ignored the qualifier 'or under the supervison of'. But if that means hiring staff to do the day-to-day care, then the statistic is meaningless in terms of identifying the commitment required of the parents.
Next I read the Autism chapter. This chapter was so dissatisfying because it tried to address children all across the spectrum, and presented as many different viewpoints as possible (tho not every possible 'alternative' treatment). There was no way for me to get a sense of what to expect for my particular adult child. It brought up feelings of anger at those who try to say that autistics should be allowed to remain who they are and not be changed. That might be fine for those who are able to communicate, but I can feel the distress my son experiences in not being able to express his pain in any effective manner, or to be stuck in a pattern that he can't move away from to do a desired activity.
Before reading the book, I viewed the video with the same title, so I feel I got an overview of parenting those with dwarfism (which might have included my son as a midget if he hadn't received growth hormone) and schizophrenia. I was distracted during the episode on childrren who are murderers, which is just as well as I think I would have had a hard time trying to see that as normal.
I guess this review is all about me. Fitting for a book that I first thought was all about the author. ( )