A book written by Buzz. American astronaut who became the second person to walk on the Moon. Aldrin graduated with honors from West Point in 1951 and subsequently flew jet fighters in the Korean War. Upon returning to academic work, he earned a Ph.D. in astronautics from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, devising techniques for manned space rendezvous that would be used on future NASA missions including the Apollo-Soyuz Test Project. Aldrin was selected for astronaut duty in October 1963 and in November 1966 established a new spacewalk duration record on the Gemini 9 mission. As backup Command Module pilot for Apollo 8 he improved operational techniques for astronautical navigation star display. Then, on July 20, 1969, Aldrin and Neil Armstrong made their historic Apollo 11 moonwalk.

This is Buzz Aldrin's memoir written in the early 1970s of the effects the first Moon landing had on his subsequent life and, in particular, on his mental health. In early 1970s America, he was one of the very few prominent public figures to speak openly about his mental health and to want depression to be treated without judgement as are physical infirmities.

The account begins with three chapters detailing the massive round the country and round the world tours that Buzz did alongside Neil Armstrong and Mike Collins for many months after their return to Earth. The extensive and exhaustingly rapid changes of location, press conferences, speeches and receptions, often involving their wives and children as well, and with minimal downtime built in to their schedules, took its toll on most of them in one way or another.

In the middle part of the book Buzz recounts his life story (at home, young Edwin "became known as “Brother.” My sister, Fay Ann, a year and a half older, could not quite manage that: her version came out “Buzzer” and it stuck until it evolved into Buzz"). His father was a pilot so Buzz flew from a very early age and, later graduating from West Point, entered the Air Force and flew in Korea during the war as a young man. Unlike Neil Armstrong and many other astronauts, he was not a test pilot, but became an astronaut in 1963 at the second attempt and took part in the Gemini programme (without the mishaps that Armstrong had undergone in his flight earlier on that programme).

Buzz apparently had reservations about being on the first lunar landing flight: "My instinct was murmuring quietly that my own scientific interests might be better served by one of the longer, more adventurous missions later on and, if I went on the first flight, it might turn out a bit difficult to get back into the swing of the astronaut business again. My instinct eventually proved to be guilty of a major understatement". While prescient, I cannot help but wonder whether there is at least some post hoc rationalisation here; and other accounts have said that Buzz was upset at not being selected as the first man to step onto the lunar surface (whatever the truth of that, his father was very angry about the situation, regardless of his son's true feelings about it). Buzz records his feelings about the Moon itself: "the surface was “Beautiful. Beautiful. Magnificent desolation.”" and "was particularly struck by the contrast between the starkness of the shadows and the desertlike barrenness of the rest of the surface." He reflects on how he and his fellow moon walkers view their home planet in light of their experience: "If the twelve of us have any one viewpoint in common, it is that unlike most men we have a special concept of the earth. We have seen it from space as whole and bright and beautiful; we have seen it from the surface of the moon as not very large and somehow vulnerable. With all its imperfections, it is a great place to come from and an even greater place to go back to."

The effect of the demands of his life and career on Buzz's well-being manifested themselves in an early warning from his nervous system even before his Apollo days. One day after the ending of the Gemini programme at the end of 1966, he "felt an almost overwhelming sense of fatigue mixed with a vague sadness. I yearned for sleep so strongly, I considered nodding off right there and not going to bed. I made it to bed and stayed there for five days." Four years later after the razzmatazz of the Apollo flight and the subsequent tours had started to died down, when Buzz was re-assessing his life and deciding what to do next, this depression returned with a vengeance. While extensive research had been carried out into the effects of spaceflight on astronauts' physical health, none had been carried out on their emotional and mental health. So Buzz was charting new territory for a man in his position and, as was nearly always the case then and sometimes still is now, albeit less so, he hid his condition as he worried it would damage his career. His relationship with his father foundered, as the latter could not understand or accept his son's condition and his wish to change his life and move away from the structured career of the Air Force. Buzz was not able to get across to his father or other older family members the crippling effects of his depression: "my intellect was by now separated by the jagged and dangerous wall of my emotions. The rule of my emotions was absolute and ruthless. In no way could I stop what I felt, but I hoped somehow to stop feeling anything at all. I yearned for a brightly lit oblivion—wept for it." His marriage to Joan also suffered hugely and he had an affair with a New York widow, although at the time this book was published in 1973, they had to an extent patched up their marriage (however, they divorced the following year).

Like many high-functioning sufferers from depression, he was extremely hard on himself: "I felt I was not entitled to have such emotions. My goal was command of every situation in which I might find myself, and such an aim was unattainable. When I sensed I was not in full command, there was no harsher judge of my actions than I myself." In conclusion, he sums up pithily what life has taught him thus: "I traveled to the moon, but the most significant voyage of my life began when I returned from where no man had been before." ( )

3 1/2 stars: Good

---------

---------

Authored in 1973, this is Buzz Aldrin's first autobiography. It starts with a look at the splashdown and world tour that Collins, Armstrong and Aldrin went on in the wake of the moon landing, and then starts with his birth, the Apollo 12 mission in detail, and ends in approximately 1972. It ends on a positive note, with respect to his troubled marriage, which ultimately ended the next year.

I found that Aldrin had a "voice" that reminded me much of my grandfather, who was a little bit older than Aldrin, but roughly the same generationally. While its definitely dated (and as he is still alive, much of his story is missing) I did find some comfort in reading this for that reason.

He was open about his marital issues and about his depression, which I appreciated. He even notes that one of the main reasons he wrote this book was to be open about depression so that others won't feel so alone.

A good, but not exemplary, book. If you are looking for an exemplary book on the Apollo program and its astronauts, read Michael Chaikin's "A Man on the Moon".

Some quotes I found interesting:

--------
Neil Armstrong’s philosophy about exercise: ‘I am allotted so many heartbeats in a lifetime and I’m not going to use any more than necessary at any time.” Since Mike [Collins] and I are frequent and enthusiastic exercisers, Neil was advising us that we were using up valuable heartbeats.

As was expected of each of us, I dutifully filled out an expense account for the trip. “From Houston, Tex, to Cape Kennedy, FL to the Moon, to the Pacific Ocean, to Hawaii and return to Houston, Tex.” Was how it read. … Total expense reimbursement: $33.31. This amount took care of mileage in and around Cape Kennedy during the time immediately prior to lift-off. The expense account is one of my most treasured souvenirs of the trip and sits framed in a place of honor in my study.

[In a speech to Congress] Since we come in peace for all mankind these footprints belong also to all people of the world. As the moon shines impartially on all those looking up from our spinning earth so do we hope the benefits of space exploration will be spread equally with a harmonizing influence to all mankind…What this country does with the lessons of Apollo applied to domestic problems, and what we do in further space exploration programs will determine just how giant a leap we have taken.

[As part of Gemini spacewalk] The last thing Jim and I did after we finished suiting up was to attach the two signs we had made to our backs. Jim would precede me walking to the capsule. His sign said THE and mine said END.

Neil and Buzz left some mementos on the moon: I reached into my shoulder pocket, pulled the packet out and tossed it on the surface. It contained two medallions for each of the Russian cosmonauts who had been killed and a patch from the Apollo 1 crew who died in the fire at the Cape. There was also a small gold olive branch, one of four I had had made. The other three were for each of our wives and were also carried on the flight.

In subsequent years the Apollo program would be criticized and would decline in public favor. Many would say that man’s travelling to the moon was not only a drain on the nation’s financial resources but also useless. Something is useless only if we do not know how to use it. If we use our moon experience wisely in the years to come, there is no doubt it will be a vital basis for greatly expanding our knowledge of the universe.

It is my devout wish to bring emotional depression into the open and so treat it as one does a physical infirmity. I want my children to know so that if they too become ill they will see the symptoms and seek help. ( )

Return to Earth opens with the Apollo 11 splashdown. Aldrin then goes on to describe the quarantine which followed - in case the astronauts had brought any "Moon germs" back to Earth - and then the subsequent world publicity tour. Aldrin holds little back. He finds the Norwegians "not at all enthusiastic", is surprised the British don't present the astronauts with a decoration or award, and declares the Shah of Iran's wife the most thoughtful of the state leaders' spouses they meet on their travels. There's surprisingly little culture-clash, perhaps because Aldrin served in Germany with the US Air Force for three years from 1956. But there are still one or two telling incidents - such as the Apollo 11 astronauts' dinner at 10 Downing Street, at which "the recently deposed Labour leader landed in his cups and gave a speech ripping his country's present administration" (p 71). That would be Harold Wilson attacking Edward Heath's government. As a Brit, this strikes me as entirely unremarkable - but not, perhaps to a US military man who must never "embarrass the Chief", a phrase which appears several times in Rocketman, the biography of Pete Conrad (see here).

Return to Earth then leaps back to Aldrin's childhood and his early career. Like many astronauts, he had early exposure to aircraft - nothing notable now, but it certainly was in the late 1930s and early 1940s. While his father arranged for Aldrin to attend Annapolis, the US Navy academy, Aldrin chose instead to go to West Point and then into the US Air Force. He fought in Korea, and downed two enemy MiG-15s. He then served in a variety of places, including Germany, before attending MIT to earn a doctorate in astronautics. His doctoral thesis was titled Line-of-sight guidance techniques for manned orbital rendezvous, a subject he deliberately chose with an eye to becoming an astronaut. He'd already applied once, asking that the requirement for attending test pilot school be waived in his case. The request was refused.

See the rest of the review at http://spacebookspace.blogspot.com/2009/07/return-to-earth-buzz-aldrin.html ( )

Aldrin has a good book with a great moral. He was one of those blessed people - football star, all state, Air Force Academy, chosen to be an astronaut, chosen to land on the moon...then what. He shows both the power of setting goals and the let down that happens when all the goals have been "checked off." ( )