3.5 stars

The first half of this book was great - Bertsche's writing was simultaneously clever, funny, thought-provoking, and - most importantly - relatable. I identified with her insecurities, and found myself contemplating the various friendships in my life, and seeing why certain friends will never be my best friends (and that's okay). It was interesting.

There were various "research" bits thrown in, and she tried to tie them into her search, with mixed results. Often, it made the reading choppy, as her writing voice changed (from very personal/candid, to factual/boring). One fact I did find interesting was when she mentioned that Robin Dunbar, a British anthropologist, claims that humans can keep up a social network of roughly 150 people - which includes general acquaintances, good and best friends, and family. (p. 6)

The second half I was not so pleased with. In the beginning, Bertsche focused on her own lackings and mishaps in trying to make new friends, but at some point in her year-long "mission," she decides she's getting much better at the whole friending thing, and she becomes kind of a snob. In the beginning, she mentions incidents where people perceive her as "desperate" and "lonely," even though she's really not, and how it was so frustrating... then, another girl she meets later on shows a bit of desperation herself, and instead of understanding (she's been there!), Bertsche kind of rips her to shreds. Really?

In the first half, I found myself thinking I would love to know her in person. In the second half, I found myself thinking she's one of those girls... who obviously thinks she's better than everyone else... and that in real life, I would avoid her like the plague. The second half was also much more boring, as the various "dates" she went on started sounding more and more alike. ( )

I was pretty invested in my desire to read this book - I told my husband, look she's just like me: married, recently moved to a new place, unable to make any close friends there, relying on long distance friendships and then she makes friends! I want to be like her!
And her self-description was so promising: we're both young professional bibliophiles, who like yoga and are Jewish with an affinity for people who share our curly hair. I wanted [a:Rachel Bertsche|4789751|Rachel Bertsche|http://photo.goodreads.com/authors/1314039364p2/4789751.jpg] to be my BFF and if not her, then I wanted her to share her secrets about how to make friends like her.

Unfortunately for me, the similarities between myself and Bertsche pretty much end in the one-liner. She's the sort of woman who only has female friends and uses terms like "Gay BFF" unironically and gets mani-pedis; I'm the sort of woman who uses terms like "heterosexism" and consider happy hours a sophisticated form of torture. Also, she gets a huge boost in her friend count from people she already knows in Chicago - friends of friends, coworkers, her husband's friends - and from people who read her newspaper article; not exactly strategies I can utilize.

So on that hand, a disappointment. On the other hand, her research on friendship is fascinating. I particularly was interested in the search for a definition of "best friend," the discussion of social role support and face-to-face versus side-to-side friendships. ( )

I like it when people put their blogs in book form because they are so much more pleasant to read that way. ( )

There have been some articles published recently about the difficulty that some young adults have in making lasting friendships post-college. Books like the seminal "Bowling Alone" and the recent "Going Solo" have been written about the increased isolation of Americans due to lack of community involvement, screen time, online social interaction in place of face-to-face communication, and so on. In this memoir, newly married Rachel, recently moved to Chicago and missing her NYC friends, decides to devote a year to seeking out new friends, planning on a "girl-date" a week in the hopes of finding a new BFF.

Rachel faithfully relates each of her fifty-two dates, as well as her follow-up attempts and some of her more successful connections. She tries many methods, ranging from "friend-of-a-friend" to blind "girl-dates," speed friending, and rent-a-friends. In between her adventures, she examines some of the research on relationships and connections, including Dunbar's number, the aforementioned "Bowling Alone," and studies on women's friendships.

One of the interesting things that happens over the course of Rachel's year is her change in attitude towards situations in which she meets strangers; a position of openness rather than defensiveness or closedness. Although there are days where she needs to step back and recharge in her personal time or with her husband, Rachel notices that strangers are more open and friendly in response to her willingness to be friendly. She also learns about what it means to her to have friendships as an adult, and that perhaps having a drop-everything-come-over-in-thirty-minutes friendship is not something that she is willing to invest in and reciprocate, even if she would like to have a friend who would do that for her. As an introvert who has many acquaintances, a good number of casual friends, but very few close friends or "lifers," this book gave me a lot to think about in regards to forming and keeping friendships. ( )

Four years ago I set out on a quest much like the author's - after graduation most of my friends had either moved for work or returned home and I'd been happy to be friends with my boyfriend and his pals. When we broke up, I set out to make some new connections by various means - the most successful being setting up a social group for solo gig goers to meet up and go to concerts together. Through this I've made several friends who are I hope "lifers" (as Bertsche calls them).

Therefore, when I read the description of this book I was interested and was looking forward to seeing how the author's tale compared to mine. However, what I found was a very mixed bag.

So, first of all, the good. Much I could relate to, the nerves, the excitement, the comparisons to dating, and especially her finding that people don't look at you like you're a loony when you try to befriend them but are actually receptive and welcoming. I liked the optimism and it was a timely reminder that I need to nurture the friendships I've found and make more of an effort to maintain them.

As for the bad, whilst I found the findings from scientific research interesting and some of the tips helpful, as a psychology student I found it frustrating that none of these were referenced in footnotes, which made me question their veracity.

And the ugly? What I didn't like *at all*, were the sweeping generalisations about what women are like, what men are like, the implication that women have to have female rather than male friends (unless of course gay males), and the bizarre claim that your partner cannot be your best friend!

In the end, I'm glad I stuck it out and read it all, as it's definitely made me think about my relationships and made me want to put more effort in, and as such has been valuable. On the other hand, I never found myself warming to Bartsche and on the basis of the stereotypes she espouses (which made me want to hurl the book across the room) I cannot recommend this book or say I enjoyed it. ( )