review of
Ron Goulart's The Robot in the Closet
by tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE - January 7, 2015

I've been reading Melvin B. Tolson's "Harlem Gallery" and Other Poems since November of 2014. I have enormous respect for it but it's been slow going & I've been taking frequent breaks to read 'lighter' works that're quicker to read & easier to review. 6 so far, this being the 7th - w/ more to follow. When will I finally finish & review the Tolson?!

This is the 36th SF bk I've read by Goulart. One cd say that that's 35 too many given how similar they are to each other. Then again, one cd say that once you've eaten chocolate there's no good reason to repeat the experience - you know what it tastes like after one time. Goulart is my literary chocolate: I enjoy his SF every time (I've only read one of his mysteries & I didn't like it much). Everytime I read Goulart I'm reminded of how much I enjoy him, of how good he is at his schtick. He parodies just about everything, the 'war of the sexes' & college educations, eg:

""Oho!" she said, hands clenched into fists. "At last we reach the peanut inside the nutshell, Tim. You've never really wanted me to return to school to earn my AEP degree so I can be considered an Adequately Educated Person and make my—"" - p 7

The ongoing plasticizing of artifacts, eg: " Tim lowered himself into a floating neowood chair." (p 10) "Tim settled into a sewdocanvas chair". & there's usually a malfunctioning &/or smartass robot, in this case one that's also a time machine. Goulart loves playing w/ language & SF time-traveling & robots that aren't meant to be 'hard science' gives him the perfect opportunities. I quote an entire p to give you, dear reader, an idea:

""I never had an Aunt Tillie."

""Sure you did. I ran into her in nineteenth-century Cleveland only a few months back. Tillie Zackery, operated a house of ill repute that was always tottering on the brink of ruin because Tillie insisted on mixing sins of the flesh with a pioneering interest in vegetarianism. I told her you can't mix screwing with carrot cake and expect to—"

""Is TTOC aware of what you do?"

""Relax, henpecko. The Time Travel goons are as aware as I want 'em to be," Roscoe assured him. "Look, unless you take risks, you never pull free of the pack. First time I suggested to Hannibal he use elephants to cross the Alps he said to me, 'Man you tryin' to jive me? I got me a mind to go upside your head.' Hannibal was black, but you probably don't know that from being so nostalgic. I persisted, pointed out that elephants, while lacking the element of surprise, were—"

""I don't think Sara and I are going to go gallivanting through time, which is a nitwit notion at best, with the likes of you," Tim said firmly. "You're obviously a defective hunk of machinery. Probably need a tune-up."

""I'm the best time machine you've ever cast your peepers on, sirrah. Why, forsooth, I'm a crackerjack in my field."

""And how come you talk this way? Mingling slang from all different periods."

""What's the use of traveling in time unless you allow some of it to rub off on you, cuz?" Roscoe shook his coppery head pityingly. "Next time I drop in on Spinoza I'm going to try to convince him a little time-tripping with me'll open his—"" - p 14

Goulart exploits the full potential of having his characters be outlandish. In the world(s) of Goulart's SF novels it's to be expected that a highwayman, a profession in wch dangerous directness must be convincing, might stutter:

""Suh-suh-suh-suh-ta-ta-ta-stand an-an-an-and duh-duh-duh-duh-deliver!" shouted the larger of the two higwaymen.

""Ar," whispered Arends over his shoulder to the girl inside the carriage, "I suspect we're dealing with Stuttering Dick himself. One of the worst of the knights of the road." - p 125

Perhaps Goulart's language play deserves credit as a precursor to Jonathan Lethem's character(s) w/ Tourette Syndrome. & Goulart particularly
loves wallowing in colorful historic detail:

"The Royal Suite consisted of three large rooms. The vast living room had a bay window which faced the San Francisco Bay. Stopping by it, Roscoe gazed out. "Someone ought to build a span across that."

""That's what Emperor Norton used to say, but they wrote him off as a loony.["]" - p 58

"Emperor Norton" being a famous San Francisco eccentric who achieved such pleasant notoriety for proclaiming himself Emperor that it's sd that restaurants served him for free. Did he really propose what eventually became the Golden Gate Bridge?

Again, Goulart's not concerned w/ 'hard science'. If it's not convenient to the plot he doesn't bother w/ details such as that a time traveler might be able to go into the past for 5 yrs & still return seconds after they left to what was their present tense. Instead, he has the amt of time they're in the past be equal to the amt of time they're gone from their time-of-origin:

""I'm sort of fond of Roscoe, but he does tend to exaggerate his capabilities," she said to herself while continuing in a direction she was nearly certain was south. "Swearing Brains Bohack was stranded in the Dark Ages of Cleveland in the 1950s or some similar low point in history. Brains obviously repaired his strapon time machine a darn lot quicker than Roscoe anticipated, then popped here to 1814 to catch us when we came to spy on Uncle Toby."" - pp 133-134

Regardless of whether this is Goulart's logic or just that of the character it doesn't make much sense: if Bohack were stranded for 100 yrs in Cleveland before he repaired his "strapon" he'd still be able to go back to whatever time he wanted to. SHEESH!! ( )