I did manage to survive another 10%, totaling 60%, just for the pleasure of giving it 1 star (applying the good old rounding up rule).

***

Eighteen months ago, I was a fat, nasty, legally blind, computer programmer who decided to try his chubby hand at industrial espionage.

Is it just me who feels a little uncomfortable, reading this part? You, know... me being "fat and chubby" and "legally blind" computer geek... Interesting how nasty it sounds in this sentence, especially being put together with "nasty" - he-he ~:/ Clear as day, the author herself has some major issues with self-image..... Is this what the book is all about? Unless ...politically incorrect much? *snicker*

During which time he reshaped my body; fixed my vision and broke me psychologically into three pieces.

Read "continuously raped" instead "reshaped"; "forced" instead of "fixed" (oh, don't get me wrong, there WAS a choice - be a vampire and a vampire's sex toy or be brain-dead and a vampire's sex toy); "broke me..." that one is true, considering all the abuse and mindf*ck that's going on.

No respect for English language, either. Grammar, spelling, punctuation... - you name it, it's all subject to abuse as well.

PS
My english isn't perfect, but I don't publish crap I charge people 10 bucks for.

( )

Wow... just...wow!

This is not an easy read, not by a long shot. It's brutal, harsh, even cruel. Definitely non con. Yet, in maybe a strange and twisted way, it's not all about that. There is a relationship that is building. And while some might call it a "Stockholm syndrome" and will scoff at the idea of love coming from a relationship that starts with rape... well it is fiction after all as well.

But, setting that debate aside, this is a book that draws you (well me at least) in. Once I had started, I couldn't put it down. I wanted to know what was going to happen.

So, whilst it's not perfect...the beginning is a bit slow, and the latter half a bit crowded, it's still a book that has grabbed me and isn't letting go. I will definitely reread this at some point in time. ( )

Could not stand to read the entire book.. ( )

~DISTURBINGLY BRILLIANT~

I can see how this novel would clearly piss off a mass of people. It's made in a way that will leave you no moral gratification at the end. It is comprised completely out of antiheroes and they do not experience a magical epiphany throughout the novel, leaving them repentant for their twisted, wicked ways.

This is a story about a stolen life, abuse, and forceful warping of the mind to suit the captor's needs. At the end it was about acceptance. Here's the thing – it goes against the grain. It really does. We as a society of readers more often then not find happy endings, and see bad characters getting exactly what they deserve. We pursue that witch we see as morally correct. We demand it even. Life doesn't often happen that way, in fact it doesn't happen like that in general, but we always seem to find some form of justification to get us trough. Sort of glossing over the grey bits if you would.

Xavier's capture was brutal, his year in confinement harsh and hard. He was fat and legally blind. In that year his sight was restored and he was made to run two hours a day on the treadmill to get in shape. Some would call that body shaming. The author presented it this way – His captor Marcus said to him from day one that he is beautiful. All of him. That he saw what was underneath and wanted to raise him to his full potential. Marcus didn't treat him any differently because of his weight – he still used him exactly the same. A year later and Xavier found himself being happy because he was healthy, not because of vanity. In absolutely no way am I saying that the end justifies the means in this case, but I personally find that harsh truths and tough realities benefit us more then sweet lies and paths of less resistance. For example if you had a person you cared about and you saw they were unhappy and unhealthy because of their weight, would you keep quiet because it's the polite thing to do, or get your hands dirty and help them no matter what?

The confusion of sexual identity was constant and well placed. Xavier was only with women prior to his capture. In fact he was very inexperienced sexually, but was convinced he was straight. Throughout his confinement his body has learned to accept Marcus' touch, confusing the life out of him. He was in limbo asking himself was he gay to begin with. Is he becoming gay because of the forced treatment by Marcus. Or has he simply gone insane. The thought process was realistic. It was logical and understandable. It made you care for him.

Finally the breaking of mental barriers after Xavier has been turned. During his capture he was called by his initials, Sigmund Edward Xavier. Sex. He was a slut and a whore, even if he only had one master. Now he is an equal. Marcus is kind, caring and most importantly asks for permission to touch. Slowly Xavier analyses his time with Marcus and starts noticing small things, small mercies and gentleness where he before only saw cruelty. He notices his growing feelings for his captor. He by no means asks for justifications nor Marcus ever offers any. The balance has shifted with Xavier not being food or a toy anymore, and Marcus gave him the ultimate gift, himself, to be ruled by his once prisoner. He is equal. The vampires in here weren't apologetic. Humans are food, and useful tools, nothing more. In fact here's a quote that explains their relationship quite well.

“I do have another particular vice that I like to wallow in. You see, I have, from time to time, been known to kidnap, ravish, and mate with my victim.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you calling me a victim?”
“No. I am calling you mine.”

In a sense morality is subject of this novel, but not in a classic black and white sense. You have started at one point, and that starting point is now gone. It's in the past. Experience changes us, and shapes us in different ways. Whether you see this as wrong or right sometimes you just simply accept the cards you've been dealt and make the best of it you can.

I honestly wasn't expecting this when I picked it up.

For M/M this was ballsy and deep – pun may, or may not have been intended..... ( )

3.75 stars A complex story with characters that are in constant flux. Very time you think your getting a read a character there is a new twist. This book is very dark. Multiple rape scenes, dubious consent. With that said I am looking forward to see where the next books leads. A very interesting vampire tale. ( )