SandDune's Retirement Reads 2022 - September

Welcome to my fifth thread of 2022 and to my eleventh year doing the 75 Book Challenge. I'm a 61 year old accountant and, after spending most of my career in the City of London, I was until recently the Finance Manager of a local charity which provides support to children and adults with learning disabilities. But at the beginning of 2021 I retired and my husband (aka Mr SandDune) also started working part-time. We live about thirty miles north of London although retirement may take us elsewhere in the U.K. Our 22 year old son Jacob is now at the University of Lancaster in the North of England studying History. There's also our 10 year old Staffordshire Bull Terrier, Daisy, who tends to feature prominently in my threads.

I'm originally from Wales rather than England, so I do have an interest in all things Welsh (although I can't speak the language - at least only a few words) and I tend to get huffy if people call me English rather than Welsh! I've finished an introductory Welsh class this year and I'm just about to start on the next level. I read mainly literary fiction, classics, science-fiction and fantasy, but I have been trying (and enjoying) some crime fiction. As far as non-fiction goes I’m interested in a number of topics in particular books about the environment and nature.

In the last couple of years I have read many more lighter and feel-good books. (I wonder why that could be - looking at you COVID! ) The number of books I'm reading is also down, although that's more to do with no longer listening to audio books during my commute).

All my family are avid readers. Jacob has inherited a love of reading science-fiction and fantasy from me and a love of reading history from Mr SandDune so our books are frequently shared. I read hardbacks, paperbacks, on kindle and listen to audio books particularly when driving or walking the dog.

Apart from reading I love travelling, eating out, and going to the theatre, when that's actually possible of course. As a lot of those activities haven’t been too feasible recently, I’ve been getting more involved with craft activities, in particular crochet and embroidery. As well as Welsh I'm learning French, and I enjoy messing about with my family history. I'm also getting more and more concerned about environmental issues and I have been quite involved in campaigning on climate change.

In 2022 I am going to start my threads with some pictures of places that have been important in my life. Thank you Paul Cranswick for the idea for this.

Here are some pictures of Hatfield Forest about 5 miles away from where we live. We've been going there regularly ever since we moved to the area thirty years ago. Firstly just for walks, then a place for Jacob to play, climb trees and make dens in the woods and lastly as a lovely location for walking Daisy. It's a forest in the original sense of the word: a leftover bit of medieval royal hunting forest, rather than somewhere with close-packed trees (although there are lots of trees - some of them very old).

Daisy in one of the more open areas (in the woods she has to be on the lead as she goes haring off after the scent of deer):



One of the really old oak trees, still producing leaves despite being pretty hollow:



Some of the pretty red poll cows that graze the forest in the summer:

Books Read in 2022:

1. The High House Jessie Greengrass ****1/2
2. Carrie's War Nina Bawden ****
3. A Bear Called Paddington Michael Bond *****
4. The Muse Jessie Burton ***
5. Just William Richmal Compton *****
6. Agent Running in the Field John Le Carre ****
7. The Island of Missing Trees Elif Shafak ****1/2
8. The Unholy Land Lavie Tidhar ****
9. Topo, Uccello, Serpente, Lupo ****
10. Snap Belinda Bauer ***1/2
11. The Doctor will See You Now Amir Khan ***
12. Letters From America: Travels in the USA and Canada Rupert Brooke **
13. The Man Who Saw Everything Deborah Levy ****
14. Penric's Mission Lois McMaster Bujold ***1/2
15. Mira's Last Dance Lois McMaster Bujold ***1/2
16. The Prisoner of Limnos Lois McMaster Bujold ***1/2
17. The Orphans of Raspay Lois McMaster Bujold ***1/2
18. David Copperfield Charles Dickens
19. The Fortune Men Nadifa Mohamed ****
20. Days Without End Sebastian Barry ****
21. Death is Hard Khaled Khalifa ***1/2
22. The Thursday Murder Club Richard Osman ****
23. The Good Doctor Damon Galgut ****
24. Arabella Georgette Heyer *****
25. Sylvester Georgette Heyer ***1/2
26. The Dark Archive Genevieve Cogman ***1/2
27. The Thief Megan Whalen Turner ***1/2
28. Unsettled Ground Claire Fuller ****1/2
29. The Girls Emma Cline *1/2
30. The Queen of Attolia Megan Whalen Turner ***1/2
31. Mayflies Andrew O'Hagan ****
32. An Air That Kills Andrew Taylor ***
33. North and South Elizabeth Gaskell ***1/2
34. Small Things Like These Claire Keegan *****
35. Terminal Alliance: Janitors of the Post-Apocalypse Jim C. Hines ***1/2
36. Matrix Lauren Groff ***1/2
37. The Pull of the Stars Emma Donoghue ****
38. The Kaiju Preservation Society John Scalzi ***1/2
39. Terminal Uprising: Janitors of the Post Apocalypse Jim Hines ***1/2
40. The Lamplighters Emma Stonex ***
41. The Bloodline Feud: The Family Trade & The Hidden Family Charles Stross***
42. Akin Emma Donoghue ***1/2
43. Terminal Peace: Janitors of the Post Apocalypse Jim Hines ***1/2
44. The Hired Man Aminatta Forna ****1/2
45. Rogue Protocol: The Murderbot Diaries Martha Wells ***
46. Foster Claire Keegan ****
47. The Binding Bridget Collins ***1/2
48. The Reluctant Fundamentalist Mohsin Hamid ****
49. Miss Buncle's Book D.E. Stevenson ****1/2
50. Ghosted: A Love Story Jenn Ashworth
51. Free Lea Ypi****
52. The Hallowed Hunt Lois McMaster Bujold ****
53. Penric and the Shaman Lois McMaster Bujold ***1/2
54. Women of Troy Pat Barker ***1/2
55. Komarr Lois McMaster Bujold ****1/2
56. A Civil Campaign Lois McMaster Bujold ****1/2
57. Labyrinth Lois McMaster Bujold ***1/2
58. Frederica Georgette Heyer ****
59. Mudlarking Lara Maiklem ***
60. West Carys Davies *****
61. Feet of Clay Terry Pratchett ***1/2
62. Aberystwyth, Mon Amour Malcolm Pryce ***1/2

Favourites from 2021

Favourite Books:

Five star reads:
Piranesi Susanna Clarke
The Magician’s Nephew C.S. Lewis
Hamnet Maggie O’Farrell
Wilding: the Return of Nature to a British Farm Isabella Tree
Barchester Towers Anthony Trollope

Four and a half star reads:
The Mermaid of Black Conch Monique Roffey ****1/2
Night Waking Sarah Moss ****1/2
Komarr Lois McMaster Bujold ****1/2

Favourite Films:

The Power of the Dog
Grand Budapest Hotel
Dune
News of the World
Passing

Favourite TV:

Shtisel
Gomorrah
Landscapers
Call my Agent
Spiral

Plans for 2022:

I belong to a RL book club which has been going for 21 years and that meets monthly except for January & August. Our choices so far are as follows:

February: Agent Running in the Field John Le Carre
March: Letters From America Rupert Brooke
April: Clarice Lispector: Complete Stories Clarice Lispector
May: The Good Doctor Damon Galgut
June: Small Pleasures Claire Chambers (already read)
July: Mayflies Andrew O’Hagan
September: The Hired Man Aminatta Forna
October: On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous Ocean Vuong
November: Elena Knows Claudia Pineiro
December:

We've also read the Costa Novel shortlist:

The High House Jessie Greengrass
The Island of Missing Trees Elif Shafak
The Fortune Men Nadifa Mohamed
Unsettled Ground Claire Fuller

I have also recently joined another book club with the U3A which also meets monthly. Books are as follows:

January: The Muse Jessie Burton
February: Snap Belinda Bauer
March: Days Without End Sebastian Barry
April:
May: The Girls Emma Cline
June: Hamnet Maggie O’Farrell (already read)
July: The Pull of the Stars Emma Donoghue
August: The Lamplighters Emma Stonex
September: Where the Crawdads Sing Delia Owens
October:
November:
December:

I hope to participate in the Asian book challenge for 2022, hopefully reading books that are in the house already:

January - Turkey - The Island of Missing Trees Elif Shafak ****
February - Israeli & Palestinian Authors - Unholy Land Lavie Tidhar ****
March - The Arab World - Death is Hard Khaled Khalifa ***1/2
April - Iran
May - The Stans - There are 7 states all in the same region all ending in "Stan"
June - India, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh
July - China
August - Japan
September - Korea
October - Indo-China
November - The Malay Archipelago - Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia
December - The Asian Diaspora - Ethnic Asian writers from elsewhere

Aren't the ginger moos beautiful! And Daisy looks like the happiest being in England...hard to believe she's ten. I hope I'm that happy when I'm her age.

Cheers, Rhian.

Hi Rhian my dear, Happy New Thread. Thank goodness we have lovely families and books with what is going on at the moment my dear.

Happy new thread!

Happy new thread, Rhian. I love your photos.

>5 richardderus: I'm afraid the picture of Daisy is a few years old, but she's a very happy dog. Still as enthusiastic as ever. We took her down to the river yesterday - the weather warmed up quite a bit so she was a bit hot - so she immersed herself completely in some lovely smelly water in a marshy area next to the river. She looked very pleased with herself when she came out, trailing bits of pond weed.

>6 johnsimpson: It does seem such a mess at the moment doesn't it John? I couldn't believe what BoJo said today, how if we all just bought energy efficient kettles then we'd all be fine. Really, he has no idea!

>7 figsfromthistle: Thanks Anita!

Happy new thread Rhian!

Happy new thread, Rhian. Great pics of your holiday in France on the last thread. Sorry to hear about the heating woes and how out of touch the government is as shown by the BoJo quote in >9 SandDune:

Happy new thread, Rhian.

>9 SandDune: Governments the world over are almost in pernicious denial when it comes to the cost of living crisis. Basic economics tells you if you restrict supply demand will drive up prices. The West is not ready to face such consequences and governments need to set about challenging the supply issue in energy terms.
As much as it has quite obvious safety concerns and initial capital expenditure costs will be high - nuclear energy is the cleanest energy available to humankind presently. Emission free but sadly not always leak free - if we could have more safety surety with it then the world's energy needs would be addressed.

>10 quondame: Thanks Susan!

>11 Familyhistorian: >12 PaulCranswick: We have the worst impact on energy bills in Western Europe, and virtually the worst in Europe as a whole. We are also the country in which the burden of the increases are falling disproportionately on the people who are less well off. Part of that difference will be Brexit related but there are other structural factors that cause things to be much worse here. We are much more dependent on gas for heating houses than much of the rest of Europe and there has been absolutely no move by government to move to deal with this. Despite the fact that we’re so dependent on gas, we haven’t any suitable gas storage facilities, so that we’ve been forced to sell gas at a cheaper price over the summer, gas that we’re really going to need over the winter, because there is nowhere to store it. We have the worse insulated houses in Europe but insulation rates have plummeted since 2012 under the Conservative government. By far the cheapest form of energy at the moment is wind and solar (particularly onshore wind) but the government is doing nothing to prioritise these. There is a large amount of new building where we live but nothing is being built with solar panels or heat pumps because the government hasn’t changed the building regulations. The current leadership candidates are positively hostile to most forms of renewable energy.

I agree with you Paul, that nuclear has a part to play, but it’s not a quick option. Insulation and increased renewables are much quicker to reduce gas dependence.

What is making the situation worse is that wholesale energy prices are fixed to gas prices, despite the fact that cheaper renewables account for an equal proportion of energy generation in the U.K. as fossil fuels.

Happy new thread, Rhian.

>1 SandDune: That old oak tree is really impressive!

Happy new thread, Rhian! Have a fantastic Friday!

For those people who have read The Fortune Men by Nadifa Mohamed - an item in the news today. South Wales Police have issued an apology 70 years on for the investigation leading to the conviction and subsequent execution of Mahood Mattan:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-62637770

>15 FAMeulstee: It's amazing how trees can just go on happily producing leaves even when so many bits of them are no longer there!

>16 alcottacre: Thanks Stasia!

Hi Rhian, and happy new thread. I’ve been neglecting threads woefully over the last few months. Sigh.

>13 SandDune: Here in the US we have a nuclear power plant 21 miles ESE from us. I’m glad the prevailing winds are West to East, although there are evacuation signs all over the county in the event of a breach. Wind and solar are making inroads slowly but surely. Even when we built our home 24 years ago, there were strict insulation standards, which we personally chose to personally. In addition, the siding we used – a form of concrete – also helps with heat/cooling and sound insulation. Double-glazed windows with UV light protection, too.

Nuclear does have a part. To me it’s always been the human factor that’s the weakest, although the tsunami and Fukushima power plant meltdown are always in the back of my mind.

Did you post a review of the le Carre? Agent Running in the Field

Id like to try a le Carre with my book group (and NOT "The Spy" or "Tinker, Tailor" )and that was the one i thought of

>9 SandDune:, Hi Rhian my dear, Bojo is a total pillock, buy a new kettle indeed, so we have to spend £20 to save £10 over the year when at the moment the bill has gone up by nearly £1600. As you say he has no idea at all, just wait till the Thatcher wannabee, mad Lizzy takes over next week, she is clueless as well as she seems to think a possible £153 tax back will dent the rise, and what about all those that don't pay tax because they are on universal credit or are pensioners.

A short while ago i saw a Truss parody account on Twitter, it said don't worry about having to choose between eating or heating, you won't be able to either. The way she is talking, it won't be far from the truth, god help us all.

44. The Hired Man Aminatta Forna



For almost all his life, forty-six year old Duro has lived in Gost, a small and nondescript town in the interior of Croatia far away from the tourist hot spots of the coast. When an abandoned house a few minutes away from Duro's home is purchased by an English family he is initially hired to carry out repairs. But gradually Duro's relationship with the mother Laura and her two teenage children, Matthew and Grace, becomes more complex. Their presence in the house brings back painful memories for Duro, memories which the town of Gost would rather forget. For Gost was not always so quiet. As Yugoslavia descended into civil war in the early 1990s Gost was on the front line between the Serb and Croat armies, not a good place to be:

The storm over the town rumbles day after day. Some people have already left Gost. They left before dawn and after dusk, without telling their neighbours and they left their pets behind. How did they know? The rest of us didn't see it coming. Now it's impossible to be leave. Too many refugees. There are the roadblocks and checkpoints. Both sides are happy to shoot you. A dog or a cat in the car is a sure sign you're getting out and that means trouble. The abandoned dogs sit outside their old homes waiting to be let in.

In The Hired Man Aminatta Forna provides an insightful look at the impacts of civil war on those that are left behind. Highly recommended, and I'll be looking out for more books by this author.

>19 karenmarie: i think our nearest nuclear power station is about 60 miles away, where a new reactor has just got the go-ahead. I've come around to the view that some nuclear power is essential (I used to be doubtful), but a new reactor on the most crumbly coast in Britain when sea level rise is predicted doesn't seem sensible to me.

I think insulation standards on new houses aren't too bad, although they could be a lot better. But new houses aren't being built with solar panels or heat pumps which they really need to be.

>20 magicians_nephew: I did post a review on Agent Running in the Field in my first thread this year. I enjoyed it, although regular Le Carré readers didn't think it was his best. I've heard good things about The Honourable Schoolboy.

>21 johnsimpson: I've never been a Tory voter, but even so I find the poor quality of the leadership candidates incomprehensible. They seem to have no comprehension of how impossible many people are going to find it to pay their bills this winter.

>22 SandDune: Just a lovely read. Gost felt as real to me as anyplace in Nassau County while I was reading it!

Sunday orisons, Rhian.

>24 richardderus: It was really evocative of the place, wasn't it? I've been to Croatia once (in 2009 - it's lovely) but as most tourists do, we mainly stayed on the coast: on the island of Brač and in Trogir, just up the coast from Split. We did have one day exploring inland - I remember warnings in the guidebook about not wandering off the beaten track without checking with locals about any potential minefields.

Forna is good at setting, isn't she? Our book club had a great discussion about what makes some people want to forget, while others want to remember. I have more of Forna's work to explore as well. I loved Happiness and The Window Seat, the only other works of hers that I've read.

>26 BLBera: We have our book club discussion on Tuesday. Looking forward to hearing what people have to say.

Well, so we have our new Prime Minister. I think Liz Truss might have the distinction of being a worse Prime Minister than Boris Johnson. Her key cabinet appointments don’t bode well: it’s expected to be Kwasi Kwarteng as Chancellor, James Cleverly as Foreign Secretary, and Suella Braverman as Home Secretary. I suppose the one thing you can say about them is that it’s the first time that none of the four most important offices in British politics have been held by a white man. But they are all right wing, tax reduction Tories and I can’t see any prospect of them delivering any sensible policies at all. (Surprisingly, the Conservative Party is extremely white at its grass roots levels, but not at its most senior levels).

Pardon my pathetic knowledge of the UK system, but when is the next possibility for a general election?

>29 katiekrug: They don't HAVE to go to the voters before 2025 - Liz may decide to go sooner and try to pick up a sort of "vote of confidence" from the voters.

Of course Theresa May tried this and it didn't go well at all , so who knows.

The right wing "Journalist" Bill O'Reilly once said that he looked around at the start of his career, decided there were just too many Liberal journalists around for him to make much of an impact, and so turned himself into a Conservative.

I might suspect some of the non-whites in the ranks of the Tories looked around at Labour and made the same observation.

>29 katiekrug: >30 magicians_nephew: Although in theory the deadline is January 2025, in practice nobody is going to have an election campaign over Christmas, so the latest practical date for a general election is thought to be autumn 2024.

At the moment an early election doesn’t seem likely, as Liz Truss isn’t inspiring confidence amongst her voters, even Conservative voters. Labour is leading quite a bit in the polls at the moment.

Interesting, but quite long, article about diversity in the Conservative Party: https://bylinetimes.com/2022/08/11/the-identity-trap-race-representation-and-the...

>28 SandDune:, Hi Rhian my dear, the makeup of Truss's cabinet is taking shape and it does not inspire me with confidence. Looking at the cabinet members so far and then at the grass roots members, i wonder if Sunak had bugger all chance of becoming leader. I don't want to shout racism but i do wonder.

Another thing to consider is the fact that around 40,000 members either could not choose or just couldn't be arsed to vote as Bojo was not on the ballot, as some still think he is the bees knees. This, along with the fact that some Tory MP's think he was treated abominably and they still think he should be PM, how long will it be before some are after getting rid of Liz.

>33 johnsimpson: I have no confidence in her cabinet choices either. Even if I agreed with them politically (which I don’t) it’s worrying that Liz Truss has gone for her loyalists rather than the best people for the job. And they’ve all pretty inexperienced - and Suella Braverman in particular seems a weak choice for Home Secretary. We could do with a bit of bringing people together, rather than just having a clique at the heart of government.

It’s a mystery to me how people are still BoJo supporters after all that has gone on.

>34 SandDune:, Hi Rhian my dear, i suppose she needs to keep them onside and so promises were made regardless of whether they can do the job. I am no Tory but i was surprised at the sacking of Johnny Mercer as Veterans minister and so was he and more so his wife who called Truss an imbecile on Twitter.

As for Bojo supporters who still love him, as they say up here, there's nowt as queer as folk.

We had my book club meeting last night to discuss The Hired Man. Initially I was expecting four people after me and Mr SandDune. I was a bit disappointed with that number, but thought it would be OK. Then within two hours of the start another two people pulled out so we were four in total, which I was not happy about at all. We have some people in our book group who have been in it for ever but now their lives have changed and they really aren’t around much at all. But they won’t resign and keep saying they will turn up and then don’t. We really need new members but the last two people introduced to the group were introduced by me and Mr SandDune so we don’t feel we can really introduce more of our people at the moment.

>35 johnsimpson: His wife really wasn't impressed, was she!

>37 SandDune:, >35 johnsimpson: "Unimpressed" is the calmest word for it, though "perfectly clear-sighted and correct" are better ones. *snerk*

So Elizabeth II is no more and we have Charles III. I’ve always been an ardent republican, thinking that the monarchy is an outdated and unnecessary institution. And the death of a 96 year old woman who has been looking frailer and frailer is surely not unexpected. But I have been surprised at how moved and genuinely saddened I feel at the news. Perhaps because the Queen has been a constant in my life, and indeed in everyone’s life in the U.K. I didn’t think she was perfect by any means, but I did think she had a sense of duty which stood out in these times of self-interest. Her portrait is on stamps and money, so ubiquitous that you don’t even notice it, but it will be odd seeing someone else’s portrait there.

I think the Queen’s death makes people think of their own mortality, and that of their loved ones. Much is made in the news that most people cannot remember another monarch: I’ve been thinking that my mother can remember another three. She certainly remembers going to Buckingham Palace with a friend when he received a gallantry medal
presented by George VI during the Second World War. But she was already a teenager when George V died and Edward VIII came to the throne, such a very long time ago.

Well said, Rhian. Even as a US citizen (albeit an anglophile), the news hit me hard. We were on tenterhooks after the first announcement (which came in the early morning, US EDT). We had BBC Radio 3 playing when her death was announced and I immediately burst into tears. It normally takes a lot to make me cry so this surprised even myself. I agree that she has been so ubiquitous and her duty and service is a model for all of us.

I read yesterday there are less than 150,000 people in Britain over the age of 95, your mother being one of them I suppose.

>39 SandDune: Very nicely said, Rhian. As you know we share republican views viz the monarchy but her life was a model of service with humility, grace, candour and courage.

>40 lauralkeet: Thank you for those lovely words too, Laura.

>40 lauralkeet: >41 PaulCranswick: It hasn't quite sunk in yet. I do think that a sense of duty would be something that the world would do well to cultivate. I do feel we have so much focus on self-fulfilment these days ...

On a different subject, I have finished my mosaic crochet blanket that I have been crocheting for several months. Not difficult, but quite large and it took some time:

>42 SandDune: True. I have been watching the House of Commons tributes and I think that Keir Starmer and Teresa May gave moving eulogy.

That blanket looks fabulous Rhian. Beautiful work!

>43 SandDune: That is gorgeous!

>43 SandDune: - Oh, that's lovely!

The blanket is gorgeous, Rhian.

>39 SandDune: Well said.

>43 SandDune: Purty, especially the red shade...the pattern took me a minute to process. It's really cool, like all kinds of interlocking xmas trees.

>39 SandDune: Brava!

>44 PaulCranswick: I haven’t heard those, but I would have expected them to have sufficient gravitas.

>45 lauralkeet: >46 PawsforThought: >47 katiekrug: >48 BLBera: Thanks!

>49 richardderus: The pattern is called ‘Misty Mountains’ but in red it does look rather more like Christmas trees than mountains. Our other sofa is that colour, hence the colour choice.

>39 SandDune: Though I can think of no way it can affect my life in California it still seems like significant loss. I was 3 when she was crowned, so she's the only English monarch I've known.

>39 SandDune: Hi Rhian, I've been delurking only very occasionally.
I'm not much in favour of monarchies (even tho' ER II was our titular head in Canada). She did okay and I honour her for her sincere dedication to service. I wonder at the next lot's dedication since it all seems so imposed and run by a bunch of administrators who've taken over Buck Palace, no? I rather dislike her offspring, in part because I despise how Great Britain's society, even in this day and age, is so class-ridden. "Once a char always a char" type of thinking does not an egalitarian society make.

I remember seeing the coronation on a small black and white TV (I was all of 5 years old) and had already learned to sing "God Save the King", a requirement at school (strangely, we didn't sing O Canada).

Anyway, I do understand that this is a momentous passing of both a respected leader and of an age that has long been gone. My hope is that Canada will dispense with this royal institution and find a way to embrace a civilian hand in government beyond the idiocy of our elected politicians who inhabit the House of Commons. I think the Senate needs to stop being such a grace and favour reward and become a genuine restraint on the thoughtless pursuit of power by the governing parties.

Sorry about the political nature of this post... feelings carried me away as my country lurches evermore into a terrible public debt :(

Happy new thread, Rhian. Though I'm feeling a bit sombre this week (as neither a monarchist nor a republican).

>51 quondame: >52 SandyAMcPherson: >53 humouress: I am a confirmed republican. I would get rid of the monarchy and reform the House of Lords in one fell swoop, given the chance. I am absolutely convinced that hereditary privilege has no place in our society in the twenty-first century. I can work myself into a reasonable degree of annoyance that the Prince of Wales isn't actually Welsh. (If we had a vote for Prince of Wales by the way, I would vote for the actor Michael Sheen, who can do a lovely speech on the subject.) My family weren't even very monarchist: I remember my Dad refusing to stand up for 'God Save the Queen' while being first to stand for 'Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau. So how does that all tie in with being sad about the Queen's death. I suppose people aren't necessarily logical about these things.

>54 SandDune: The lady herself was amazing. She gave a lifetime of service to the country and to the Commonwealth.

>55 humouress: Very true. I dislike the institution but respected ER II. Rhian and I have similar thoughts on the whole monarchy set up. I am totally aghast at the prescriptive life that lies ahead for all the children born into this situation.

>52 SandyAMcPherson: >53 humouress: >54 SandDune: >55 humouress: >56 SandyAMcPherson:

Nodding along with all of that.

Martin Sheen as the Prince of Wales made me smile - I thought he was Brian Clough!

You are right of course that the hereditary principles that govern much of life still throughout the world should have no place and these are a source of much worry to me. Britain is less class ridden than it was when the late Queen came to the throne but I suspect the biggest reason for that was Thatcher successfully undermining/destroying the working classes by her wars on unions and her dismantling of British industry and its manufacturing base. Global communications and the wider inculcation of American culture also played a significant role, I believe.

I am in favour of a caring and sharing meritocracy - where anyone can succeed irrespective of class, race, gender, creed or sexuality. Racism still flourishes in all parts of the globe by and between all races one against the other; there are still inequalities amongst the sexes, the caste system is still observed in parts of the world, many countries still hold people in indentured servitude and many countries still have penal laws against homosexuality.
The world in 2022 still faces many challenges and some of them possibly existential but it is fair to recognize how much it changed (in Britain and the Commonwealth particularly) over the 70 years of the late Queen's reign and her constancy in times of flux.

>55 humouress: >56 SandyAMcPherson: Yes I think the Queen worked well and hard right up until the end, and it’s right that we celebrate her life and mourn. Doesn’t mean that I agree with the institution though!

>57 PaulCranswick: Michael Sheen is Azirophale in Good Omens for me, but The Damned United was a good film wasn’t it?

I give you Michael Sheen’s speech on the Welsh football team from a few days ago:

https://nation.cymru/culture/watch-michael-sheen-delivers-one-of-the-greatest-we...

>57 PaulCranswick: Martin Sheen was Aziraphale but also Tony Blair.

>28 SandDune: Harrumph.

>39 SandDune: Historic times.

>43 SandDune: Beautiful Rhian.

>43 SandDune: I know I was here before, gazing in awe at that gorgeous blanket, and I thought I posted my appreciation then. Since obviously I did not, here it is: WOW! Well done, Rhian.

Jolly quiet over here, Rhian. Hope all is well with you all.

By the way >58 SandDune: that was special by Martin Sheen. Very special.

>62 PaulCranswick: Hah! You're not biased, are you Paul.

Oh dear, it's been such a long time since I visited my own thread! A number of things have kept me very busy, which I will go into below, and then after a certain amount of time the work to catch-up seems a bit overwhelming, which delays a return even more. So thank you Paul, Nina, Caroline and Linda for keeping my thread alive!

So what has been keeping me so busy? On thing is my mother's condition has worsened. I saw her last at the end of September and it was obvious then that she was becoming more confused with anything out of the ordinary. Over the last ten days things have come to a head. She has had a letter from the bank telling her that they are no longer offering a safety deposit facility after the end of January. She has no idea what she has in a safety deposit box and neither have I, probably a copy of her will or something, but she has worked herself up into a state about it. She has convinced herself that they are closing her bank account (they aren't) and that she will not be able to write cheques or get cash, so she has phoned me up every day, sometimes twice a day, getting more and more worried, and nothing I can say is getting through to her.

I had been trying to leave off registering the Power of Attorney with the bank, as she does have the capacity to pay her small bills by cheque and I didn't want to stop her doing that, but I am going to do it tomorrow, as it's really the only way I can resolve the situation and deal with similar things at a distance. Unfortunately, I have not been well this week, otherwise I'd have probably gone down to see my Mum to try and calm her down a bit, but I've had a very nasty cold and didn't feel well enough for the drive myself, never mind about not wanting to give it to her.

I've also arranged a more formal assessment of her dementia with her GP, who saw her last week. We're still of the view that we need to keep her out of a care home as long as possible (she's very much of the opinion that that's where you go to die) but we'll be trying to increase the frequency of her support worker visits.

For some reason, my Mum thinks that I am the only person she can talk to about this sort of thing. Apparently, she never mentions any of her worries to my sister, goodness knows why, as I'm sure my sister has been equally as helpful as me over the years. But anyway at the moment my sister has enough on her plate, with my brother-in-law's cancer not responding to treatment and the prognosis not being good.

>64 SandDune: Happy to see you back posting but wish you were bringing more glad tidings. My Gran had dementia and quite advanced dementia by the end and it is ever so difficult to cope with. My heart goes out to you, Rhian, and I can only tell you that you do have people in other corners of the world thinking about you and wishing you well. Give my best to MrSandDune - he will understand why I am not in the cheeriest of spirits myself this afternoon as our club moves into the relegation zone.

Other things going on:

I had a trip to Cardiff at the end of September to meet with the members of last year's Welsh class, as the class member based in Australia was over for a visit. I hadn't been to Cardiff for quite some time - it's always strange when you visit somewhere you used to know really well and it's changed quite a bit - but it was nice to meet everyone in person and I got to spend a day with my Mum as well. Then visits to my sister and brother-in-law to see how they were doing.

And then Jacob needed taking back to University. He has new accommodation this year, so he'd brought all his stuff home and it all needed transporting back again. He seems pretty pleased with his new accommodation, which is in an old converted mill in the town centre, and very convenient, but it's a very long way there and back, and ended up being rather more expensive than I had bargained for. I was intending to stay in a Premier Inn or Travelodge but hadn't got around to booking anything and by the time I did everything was full. So we had to book a much more expensive hotel, although it was very nice and I'd happily stay there again. Jacob and his girlfriend had a week in Rome before he went back. It's funny to see how much holidays organised by Jacob tend to be very similar to ours - very much full-on in-depth sightseeing. He's now seen much more of Rome than I have, which is a bit irritating as I've been to Rome 4 times!

>65 PaulCranswick: our club moves into the relegation zone. Oh dear, has it? Mr SandDune is currently in Berlin on a school trip and won't be back until Wednesday evening, so I didn't know. He's probably not having a very cheery time of it himself, without Leeds contributing, as the trip itinerary seems to include every site connected with the worst parts of Germany's history within easy reach of Berlin. (Jacob went on the same trip when he was 17 and was of the opinion that they needed to lighten the mood a little, even if just for one afternoon.)

I suppose I can be grateful that my Mum reached her late nineties without dementia kicking in. But it is so difficult to deal with when we live so far apart. And she is so reluctant to accept help from anyone else.

>67 SandDune: I'm sorry to hear about your mother's (and your) problems. After my father died and my mother needed a bit more help from her children, my sister and I noticed that she asked each of us for quite different types of help and reassurance and we had to talk to each other to get the full picture - lots of conversations with "she didn't tell me about that!" on both sides. It must be so difficult being at such a distance from each other. Although I am currently being worn to a frazzle by my mother's move from Dorset to a house around the corner from me I know it will be worth it for both of us when things settle down. I hope you can find a solution that suits you all.

>68 CDVicarage: I think we have two possibilities:
- my mother could stay where she is but with additional support
- my mother could move into a residential home probably nearer us.
We just need to decide which.
Our house isn’t suitable for her to live with us as she can’t manage the stairs.

Oh gosh Rhian...not a fun passage, this one. I'm sad with you about your mother's decline. I wish our decades of research into dementia had borne fruit much sooner and more effectively than it has.

You and yours are to be praised for all the care and effort you are making. Applause across the North Atlantic!

>70 richardderus: What I find difficult is that no matter what we do, she isn't really happy. What she would like is for her family to all live close by, and be popping into see her every day, but that's not going to happen. But she's so resistant to anything that make her life a little bit more interesting. Her carers will take her out for a walk in her wheelchair or take her for a little drive, but she won't go.

>71 SandDune: That's the only way she can feel in control...and that feeling is, quite naturally, ever more fleeting.

This is a no-win condition, and a thankless task for all who love as well as all who care for the sufferer.

So what have I been reading? A brief summmary.

Rogue Protocol: The Murderbot Diaries Martha Wells The third book in the murderbot series - didn't enjoy this as much as the first two.

Foster Claire Keegan Another beautifully written and heartbreaking novella set in rural Ireland, by the author of Booker prize listed Small Things Like These.

The Binding Bridget Collins A fantasy where memories can be bound into books and forgotten for ever. Supposed to be the author's first book for adults, but read very much like a YA to me.

The Reluctant Fundamentalist Mohsin Hamid A thought provoking book centred on the impact of 9/11 on a high-flying Pakistani man in the U.S. I've enjoyed Exit West by the same author.

Miss Buncle's Book D.E. Stevenson A lovely comfort read that I've read before.

Ghosted: A Love Story Jenn Ashworth An intimate portrait of a marriage which has buried its traumas. Set in Lancaster, in and around the University. A new author to me that I'd be happy to try again.

>73 SandDune: A question for Americans. The reason I read The Reluctant Fundamentalist now, when it has been sitting on the shelf probably since it was published in paperback in 2008, is this:

At Mr SandDune's school it is a set text for the IB exam, studied by 16-18 year olds, and apparently a parent (who is American) has objected and is kicking up a fuss. Is this the sort of book that would be studied at that age in the States? To be honest, there is not really any mechanism for a parent to object in this way in the U.K. To me it seems a perfectly suitable book for that age group. Any thoughts?

>74 SandDune: oh dear don't get me started on parents challenging books.

warning: liberal politics ahead
The concept of banned and challenged books has been around for ages, but the recent increased influence of far right politicians and holders of political office has amped up the intensity and frequency of such challenges. Of particular concern are books with LGBTQ+ themes and those that are critical of the American response to race or ethnic issues. The Reluctant Fundamentalist would fall into the latter category, because it does not cheer on the US Bush Administration's response to 9/11.

I'll stop there.

~~~~~~~

It's really nice to see you, Rhian. I'm sorry you are having trouble with your mum. I agree your options are as described to Kerry. It's not an easy decision, that's for sure.

>72 richardderus: It is so difficult- what to do for the best!

>75 lauralkeet: It’s just something that’s not a thing here at all. I googled book challenges and book bans U.K. and the only references are to what happens in the U.S.!

Commiserating with you at a distance regarding the situation with your mother. I've been there with my own Mom, and now we're dealing with it with my MIL. There seems to come a point where the mind grabs onto a version of reality, such as the banking situation you described, and just won't let go, no matter what facts are brought to bear. My MIL is in a rehab facility right now, after a stint in the hospital. We hope she'll be able to regain the strength, mobility and independence to go back to her very nice assisted living facility, but it's not a sure thing. And she's convinced that she's running out of money because of all this. She's not. And it's really costing HER very little, given the good insurance coverage she has. But she won't be convinced of that. She is also in the same category as your Mum with regard to "no matter what we do, she isn't really happy." This has been true as long as I have known her. Struggling to do nice things, to keep her cheered up, to offer her options (like the ride or the walk) always meets with resistance couched in pseudo unselfish terms ("I don't want you to waste your time" "You have better things to do", etc.) I wish I could offer YOU some cheer; it's just plain hard. I'm trying to learn the lesson...we do our best, and it has to satisfy US. There's no telling whether it satisfies THEM. I'm very grateful for all the amazing care-givers who are paid (not well enough, I'm sure) to take the brunt of it.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom, Rhian. It has to be difficult living so far.

Regarding book challenges, it is ridiculous in the US. I know of one case in my town of a parent asking for an alternate book to be assigned to her tenth grader. The book she objected to was The Painted Drum - which, by the way, she hadn't read. She just objected to some parts about sex, because of course, her tenth grader would have no thoughts of sex.

>77 laytonwoman3rd: she's convinced that she's running out of money My mother is convinced that she mustn’t waste food, to an extreme extent. It’s gone from a refusal to buy groceries if they aren’t in a tiny pack, to refusing to order a dessert in a restaurant because she thinks it will be too big, to refusing to keep a decent stock of food in the house. Last week I found that she was intending to cancel her milk delivery completely as she sometimes doesn’t use every last drop of milk. My mother will also say repeatedly that she doesn’t want to be a nuisance, and then repeatedly refuse to do the thing that would be most helpful for those around her. Mr SandDune says that no matter what I do, I can’t make her happy, and that she has made various decisions over the years when she had more capacity, that have meant that she is more isolated now than she might overwise be. I think he’s right, but knowing that doesn’t make it easier on a day to day basis.

>78 BLBera: In the U.K. there is very little mechanism for parents to challenge the inclusion of a book on the syllabus as schools are not controlled by the local community. And the local community is very unlikely to get agitated about that sort of thing anyway.

So many things here --- I am astounded, really, that GB is not more advanced and pro-active in the energy realm. Heat pumps are amazing. Vermont is probably close to the worst in the US 'potential solar gain' department (e.g. we can have endless days of clouds) and people are gung ho and guess what, we pay nothing for electricity and less for heat now too as we are full bore heat pumps (plus a woodstove, of course) at this point, are on the grid and sell our excess power back to the company who plan to store it in batteries and sell it out of state . . . or wherever. I feel very fortunate. Many other states do nothing or the electric companies grudgingly allow some solar but control it to their advantage doing tricky things. (Massachusetts being one, surprisingly.) In the ten years we tried being off the grid I learned that solar panels work a little ALL THE TIME, even when it is cloudy and that as long as I went out to clear off the panels even in a blizzard we could at least have power for . . . yep . . . internet etcetera (our daughter was in high school.)

Your crocheted blanket is lovely, just lovely.

Book groups! Only a few years ago I found one I love. It's run by a bookstore in a sort casual way and we meet there and I love the people and rarely feel I've wasted my time reading something.

Claire Keegan -- Foster is a gem. I've become a big fan of the novella. Why take 400 pages when you can do so much in 120?

Lastly, my sympathies about your mother. I went through this, way too early, and all I can say is that I always found that I was making decisions months later than they should have happened. I also concluded that she would have been better off in the town where she felt comfortable and knew the most people and where there would have been more visitors for her even if the place was less 'nice' -- I now think the place we didn't choose would have knocked themselves out for her. She was greatly known and loved in that town. Where she ended up was an excellent facility but most of the visiting and managing devolved on me and it was brutal sometimes.

My mother did almost the opposite -- every time she went out she bought a bottle of sherry, or more salt, or bandaids . . . ! But she brought up ten children so 'having enough around' was always the thing.

sorry this is so long, but I haven't visited in a long time.

>81 sibylline: We're not bad at some things - energy generated by wind power has increased enormously for instance - so there's a fair amount of renewable energy goes into the National Grid, but there is no incentive for domestic heat pumps at the moment. Most energy companies will have a 100% renewable package, and they are more and more popular, where they have to buy sufficient renewable energy to supply the customers selecting that package. If I was 100% sure that we would stay here when Mr SandDune retires then I would have bitten the bullet and gone for a heat pump, but it's just too expensive when we might be moving.

If my mother stayed in the same town she would get some occasional local visitors, but not very many at all. Partly on account of her age of course, as she has just outlived her friends and relatives, and partly because she has always kept herself so very much to herself that she hasn't made new friends. She's positively seemed to shy away from the commitment that's needed for building relationships with new people. My Dad was one of those people who knew everyone and when he died my Mum seemed to jettison such a lot of the things that they had done together, and that would have kept up her engagement with the outside world.

All my aunts, who also made it to a ripe old age, seemed to take the view that if they hadn't been able to afford things when they were younger, they were absolutely going to have them in their old age. My Mum's always taken the opposite view.

she has always kept herself so very much to herself that she hasn't made new friends. She's positively seemed to shy away from the commitment that's needed for building relationships with new people. My Dad was one of those people who knew everyone and when he died my Mum seemed to jettison such a lot of the things that they had done together, and that would have kept up her engagement with the outside world.

Rhian, my mum did exactly the same thing. She was always more of an introvert than my dad, and 99% of her social interaction came through things they did together, with people he knew from work, church, golf, etc. When they moved into a retirement community my dad needed more care than she did, so they actually had separate accommodation. At this point my dad was in no position to make friends with other residents, and my mum couldn't be bothered. It made me sad to see them so isolated in their last years. But, like so many of the elderly person's idiosyncrasies, there's not much that can be done about it.

Just sharing all that to say, you're not alone in your experience. I know that sometimes it feels that way!

>83 lauralkeet: Obviously, it's too late now, but I can't help thinking back to choices my mother made when she was in her eighties, after my Dad died, and when she was as fit and capable as lots of people who were much younger. If she had chosen differently I think, she would be less isolated now.

A Booker Prize Reading List for Black History Month, introduced by Ben Okri:

https://thebookerprizes.com/the-booker-library/features/a-booker-prize-reading-l...

Of the books mentioned I have read the following:

Anthills of the Savannah Chinua Achebe
We Need New Names NoViolet Bulawayo
The Sellout Paul Beatty
The Underground Railroad Colson Whitehead
My Sister the Serial Killer Oyinkan Braithwaite
Girl, Woman, Other Bernadine Evaristo
The Fortune Men Nadifa Mohamed

I've read other books by the following authors, but not the ones mentioned:

Chimimanda Ngozi Adichie
Tsiti Dangarembga

So our new Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is officially ensconced. We'll see how he turns out. In my opinion he's the best of a bad bunch but there's not exactly a pool of talent to choose from in the current Conservative Party. He must surely be better than Liz Truss, but then I assumed anyone would be better than Boris Johnson and look how that turned out! It remains to be seen if he can unite the Conservative Party which seems to have descended into anarchy.

>87 SandDune: Agreeing totally Rhian. At least ghastly Rees-Mogg has resigned.

>87 SandDune: It says everything that he's the least-worst of the Tories. Oh dear....

>88 Caroline_McElwee: >89 richardderus: He’s just appointed Suella Braverman as Home Secretary, a woman completely lacking in compassion that shouldn’t be an M.P., let alone in government, in my opinion. That’s his honeymoon period over with then …

>90 SandDune: I howled when it was announced Rhian. Clearly it was fixed. Her resignation led to Truss', and her reward was her old job back. Democracy in action. Not a happy bunny..

>91 Caroline_McElwee: I know! I'm almost equally unhappy about Thérèse Coffey's appointment as Environment Minister. Someone who has never shown any interest in the environment in her life.

It was the meeting for one of my book groups yesterday, to discuss The Binding. Most people seemed to have similar views to me - that it started well and then petered out. It seemed to create a somewhat believable world in the first third of the book, but the rest of the book didn't really seem to fit in quite the same world somehow. Next month's read is The Women of Troy by Pat Barker.

Mr SandDune arrived back from Berlin yesterday, having had a successful school trip, but somewhat tired. I've still never been to Berlin: we were meant to visit in 2020 on our way to Poland but of course Covid intervened.

Sweet Thursday, Rhian. It is so nice to see you posting again. Glad all is well. I want to read Claire Keegan's new one. She sure burst onto the scene, didn't she?

Hi Rhian...it's good getting caught up with you, although I do commiserate with your Mom's situation. It's tough getting old for sure and change is hard, but it sounds like she needs to be closer to you. I went through this with my mother and I hope that I will never cause my children such grief. Ahem...famous last words. ;-)

It's good to get an insider's look at local politics. I hope the new PM works out and that things settle down in Great Britain. We have more than our share of political drama in the U.S. so I understand how distressing it can be.

Your book group has been meeting longer than mine. We started in 2009 with a larger group than we are now. Currently we average about 8 people, but the numbers can fluctuate depending on the book being discussed. The Hired Man has been on my TBR list for quite a while now. I have read several others by Forna and enjoy her books. The Memory of Love is my favorite; I've read it twice now.
Happy Reading!

Sunak being a Hindu of Indian ancestry doesn't keep him from being a complete and utter pillock, obvs.

>94 msf59: I'd happily read everything that Claire Foster has written! Such small and beautifully written works.

>95 Donna828: >96 richardderus: There has a lot being spoken about Rishi Sunak's Indian & Hindu heritage, and the diversity of (in particular) Liz Truss's cabinet with none of the four big offices of state being held by white men (Prime Minister, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Home Secretary, Foreign Secretary). But what's been talked about less is the similarity of their class background. Rishi Sunak went to Winchester, one of the big public schools, and 65% of his top tier team also went to fee-paying schools, including all the other three people in the most important jobs. And that engenders a definite similarity of outlook, no matter the diversity of ethnicity or religion.

>95 Donna828: Our book group started in 2000, when I was still on maternity leave with Jacob. Seems a very long time ago now!

Sadly Rhian, Sunak has shown his true colours with the team he has put together, the jolly boys get together. As for Cruella getting her job back, this is disgusting and then the bouncer gets environment for which she has no idea about, God help us all.

>98 johnsimpson: I definitely agree with you there, John.

Hi Rhian my dear, what a car crash of an interview the bouncer made about her environment aims, using recycled cups was the top and bottom of it, she is absolutely clueless, God help us being leaders in making progress on the environment.

>100 johnsimpson: The bouncer is such a good description John! I can see exactly what you mean - I certainly wouldn’t be inclined to argue with her outside a nightclub (if I was still of an age to be going to night clubs anyway).

We are currently on the train off to Belgium for a few days - Antwerp to be precise. I haven’t been to Antwerp before, but it’s supposed to be an interesting city.

One more thing to be annoyed about Brexit about - you used to be able to rock up to the Eurostar with about 20 minutes to spare. These days they advise at least 60-90 minutes because of additional security checks.

Hi Rhian! I'm afraid I haven't visited in a while. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. I have no advice to offer, not having been in that situation and I selfishly pray that I never do. Wishing you the best with her.

I hope your Belgium trip went well.

>101 SandDune: I hope you had a good time in Antwerp, Rhian.
In our younger days we went there regular in the weekend, it is only a little over an hour by car from Rotterdam.

My husband had the same comment about the annoying part of Brexit. He went to Newcastle with a friend for a few days. Getting off the ferry took over two hours, because of the security and custom checks. I am glad I went to London before Brexit, as I don't do well in long waiting lines.

>102 humouress: >103 FAMeulstee: So sorry that I haven't replied to people earlier. We have been having some family issues which have been keeping me very busy. It's become more and more obvious over the last couple of months that my Mum is getting increasingly confused and this really came to a head as soon as we got back from Antwerp. She's still managing her day to day things reasonably well (getting up, dressing herself, feeding herself etc) but she's getting increasingly distressed at anything out of the ordinary. But 'out of the ordinary' is stretching to include some very run of the mill things indeed, and it's very difficult to reassure her over the phone.

My Mum's ideal solution would be to stay in the town where she lives now but to have more visitors. But realistically that isn't going to happen - we visit regularly and so does my sister (her husband's health allowing), and her grandchildren do all visit from time to time. But none of the family lives near enough to visit as frequently as she would like or as frequently as she needs to provide support.

After discussions with my mother and sister a residential home near us seems the best solution. So my time over the last month has been focused on trying to sort this out, and also sorting out her financial affairs. As it stands we are trying to move her into a residential home near us, probably initially for a couple of weeks over Christmas, and then more permanently very soon after that.

At the moment it is quite distressing whenever I speak to her. She wants to stay with us over Christmas, but she wouldn't be able to manage the stairs, and we have nowhere that she could sleep downstairs. Every time I speak to her she insists that the stairs would be fine (she won't - she could barely manage them 18 months ago and she is much, much frailer now) - so I have to go through the reasons why each time. But by the next phone call she has forgotten about the conversation...

On a happier note though, Antwerp was lovely. I'd strongly recommend it as a weekend break from London. We arrived Monday afternoon and left on Friday after lunch, and were originally intending to spend one of the days in Ghent, but there was so much to see in Antwerp that we just stayed there.

The Grote Markt, with its characteristically Flemish buildings:



Plantin-Moretus museum - a UNESCO world heritage site - the site of the printing works of the Plantin-Moretus family since 1576 - contains the two oldest existing printing presses in the world and a incredible collection of early printed books:



One of Antwerp's best known beers (Anvers being French for Antwerp) at the De Konicke brewery:



Lots of museums, lots of art galleries, nice city for just wandering about and good food. And Mr SandDune got lots of Belgium beer - last time we were in Belgium he was on strong antibiotics and couldn't have any.

Welcome back! I've been thinking of you and wondering how things were going with your mum. I'm glad you've sorted out a plan even though it's quite stressful. I'm sure you'll be glad to have her nearby as it will make responding to any care issues much easier.

As regards reading, I've been doing a lot of rereading and comfort reads - mainly Lois McMaster Bujold and Georgette Heyer, my go-to authors if I'm a bit stressed.

One rather more thoughtful book which I would strongly recommend is Free by Lea Ypi, an engrossing memoir of the last years of the communist regime in Albania, and the first years after the regime collapsed. Absolutely fascinating.

>106 lauralkeet: We have a plan, although until we have my mother safely ensconced I will not rest easy.

If she changes her mind and decides she doesn't want to move then it will be problematic. Lifts are a sticking point - she doesn't like lifts but of course all care homes have them. And I am desperately trying to make sure she doesn't find out the price, or she may refuse to even countenance moving anywhere at all. My Mum has hardly spent any money for the last 20 years and has no idea of the costs of things. She baulks at the cost of a carer for one hour ...

>105 SandDune: It's a beautiful city, Rhian, and a much-needed break for you.

>104 SandDune: It's the best thing for her, so it's what will happen. The real question is, will it happen without major upset...and that's an only-time-will-tell question.

Be sure we're here thinking of you all and are glad to see you when you're here.

Lovely to see you back posting, Rhian, but less happy to see that your mum is increasingly having more "senior" moments. The distance will become ever more difficult for you. How much closer is your sister to her?

Wishing you the best Rhian.

Your Antwerp pictures look lovely.

Hi Rhian, sounds like you are very busy supporting your mum. Going over Christmas plans repeatedly sounds very difficult. I admire your patience. I hope you're able to find a nice place that meets her (and your) criteria.

>109 richardderus: Mr SandDune says that I can’t MAKE her happy - only she can do that - I can just do the best I can. To be honest, my mother has made decisions earlier in life which have probably led to her being more isolated now than she might have been, but there’s nothing that can be done about that now. I do find it frustrating as we are such different people. If I have a problem I like to deal with it and come up with a solution as soon as possible. My Mum’s approach has always been to ignore the problem and hope it would go away, and of course that tendency has got worse as she has got older and her faculties have declined.

>110 PaulCranswick: My sister is a little nearer - 3 hours rather than 4 hours plus - but still a long way when what my Mum needs is regular and very frequent support for short periods rather than longer visits. And my sister’s husband has terminal cancer, so she has enough on her plate at the moment, as well as her own health not being great.

>111 humouress: I was very taken with Antwerp and would happily revisit - there were several interesting sights that we didn’t get around to seeing.

>112 charl08: I think I have found two places that would suit her, and one of those is the place where she is (hopefully) going at Christmas. I slightly prefer the other option, which doesn’t have spaces quite yet, but I may be being biased by the fact that that one has a cat and guinea pigs!

One things that has surprised me since I started looking at homes is how much alcohol is readily available. Both of the ones that I am looking at have their own little bars and wine with meals. I mentioned that to a friend, and she was saying that the residents in her father’s home were offered a glass of Baileys with their morning coffee. I think I had imagined lots of cups of tea instead, but a gin and tonic sounds more appealing!

>104 SandDune: Sorry about the ongoing trouble with your mother, Rhian.
Your solution sounds good, but it is not going to be easy to accomplish.

>105 SandDune: Thanks for haring the photo's from Antwerp. For a moment I was back at Plantin-Moretus, I have been there many times.

Hi Rhian!

You’ve done a bit of posting around about having to put your mother in care. I’m catching up on your thread from my last post in September. The political stuff is fascinating, especially as Truss came and went so quickly.

>30 magicians_nephew: I despise people who choose a political party/candidate that way. Reagan was one, O’Reilly is one, and etc.

>82 SandDune: All my aunts, who also made it to a ripe old age, seemed to take the view that if they hadn't been able to afford things when they were younger, they were absolutely going to have them in their old age. My Mum's always taken the opposite view. So sad. I’ve repeatedly told Jenna that my goal is not to make her rich when I die, meaning that I’ll spend what I want to spend since I've been so cheese-paring most of my life. She completely understands, although we both know that if not cash assets, at a bare minimum she’ll get stuff, possibly still our house if I/we’ve not moved to a care facility.

>95 Donna828: My RL book club started in 1997. We were on hiatus for Covid from April 2020 – April 2022, but have started up, with a few re-schedules due to Covid exposure but no outright Covid cases. We met yesterday to discuss Anxious People and had a wonderful time.

>97 SandDune: Good point about class compatibility.

>104 SandDune: I’m sorry it’s come to this, but if you can find a good residential home near you and get her there with minimal distress all around, that will be a huge accomplishment. You’re a wonderful daughter and taking such good care of her, even if she doesn’t recognize/remember it.

>114 SandDune: Well. Baileys and gin. Not a bad thing for a senior. In fact, Baileys sounds so good that I might go the ABC store next time I’m in town and indulge in a bottle.

Hi Rhian my dear, your photos of Antwerp are really lovely and it seems like you had a nice trip there, it looks like we would enjoy it as well.

Sending love and hugs to you from both of us dear friend.

>114 SandDune: Oh dear. I can't imagine enjoying the company of a semi-random selection of tipsy elders all day. I'll drink a glass of wine or beer with meals occasionally, and before my taste disorder enjoyed an occasional single malt, but I prefer social interactions with sober folk. As I'm rarely tipsy I don't find the wit of the alcohol enhanced nearly as sharp as they do. Though I'd probably prefer them to the strictly sober. Hard choices.
Good luck settling you mother where she can get as good a care as is possible in these days.

>115 FAMeulstee: I found the Plantin-Moretus museum fascinating. There was such a lot to see. I particularly liked the early atlases.

>116 karenmarie: Politics has quietened down a bit now, but the Conservatives are still way behind in the polls so I'm hoping that that stays. I'm not actually that keen on Baileys, but Jacob's girlfriend loves it - if I have no brilliant ideas for her Christmas present then I might be buying her a bottle of that.

My December book club books are Mudlarking by Lara Maiklem and The Island of Missing Trees which I have read already.

>117 johnsimpson: Strongly recommend Antwerp. But we've still not been to Ghent. We meant to go there for a day trip when we had a few days in Bruges when Jacob was quite young, but he ended up going down with a bug so we never got there. And didn't get there this time either.

Hi Rhian - I am sorry to hear about your mum, but it sounds like you have a plan. I hope all goes well. Antwerp sounds wonderful. I hope to start traveling again in 2023.

>104 SandDune: We've moved my MIL in the last 6 months to have her where we can pop in n the spur of the moment, and help her as necessary. It was a bit of a tough go, but she realized the need and is now as happy as may be for a critical 94-year-old woman who prefers to find fault. It has removed a lot of stress from our lives, so I hope it works that way for you in due course.

Welcome back! Your trip looks like it was wonderful. Those buildings are quite exquisite.

In evidence of the fact the I have well and truly managed to raise a reader, I present the book section of my son's Christmas list. (In context to people who might think it is very long, the tradition in our family is we all write fairly long lists, which are then circulated to interested parties, the rationale being that you will receive something that you want while it still being a surprise).

BOOKS:

Honour Eli Shafak
A Treasury of British Folklore: Maypoles, Mandrakes, & mistletoe Dee Dee Chainey
My Struggle: Book One Karl Ove Knausgård
Babel, or the necessity of violence R.F. Kuang
The Kalevala Elias Lönnrot
Project Hail Mary Andy Weir
Rendezvous with Rama Arthur C. Clark
The Dark Forest Cixin Liu
Moby Dick Herman Melville
Apollo remastered Andy Saunders
Sea of Tranquillity Emily St John Mandel

Sciencey:

The dinosaurs: New Visions of a Lost World Michael Benton
The mind of a bee Lars Chittka


German:

Berlin - Jason Lutes
Kapsel: Träume (magasine)
Schwarze Erde: Eine Reise durch die Ukraine Jens Mühling


History:

Salazar, the dictator who refused to die Tom Gallagher
The Great Imperial war Richard Overy
Magnificent rebels Andrea Wulf
The Restless Republic: Britain without a Crown Anna Keay
Architecture: From Prehistory to Climate Emergency Barnabas Calder
Brutal Britain: Build Your Own Brutalist Great Britain
The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the fall of New York Robert A. Caro
The first Ghost Irving Finkel
The Greek Revolution: 1821 and the Making of Modern Europe Mark Mazower
Kingdom of characters: the Language Revolution that made China Modern Jing siu

Other:

The seaweed collector's handbook Miek Zwamborn
Allah: God in the Qur'an Gabriel Said Reynolds
The wordhord, daily life in old English Hana Videen
The cult of We Eliot Brown

>120 BLBera: >122 figsfromthistle: Antwerp isn’t a city that’s particularly on the radar as far as weekend breaks from the U.K. go. But my sister went there a few years ago and really liked it so we thought we’d give it a go.

>121 laytonwoman3rd: I certainly hope so! It’s certainly not practical as it is.

You've certainly had a lot to contend with Rhian. I hope you find a good place nearby for your mum.

Love the holiday photos. Not been there yet.

>123 SandDune: A fine varied list. Might look at one or two of those myself.

Had a very pleasant day out today. We wanted to go somewhere where we could combine a bit of Christmas shopping with taking Daisy out and about (and where we wouldn’t be outside all day, as it’s turned cold) so we went to Ely for the day. We visited my favourite book shop Topping & Co, where they bring you free cups of coffee if you’re there for a while. Doesn’t that look nice:



And then we found a nice dog-friendly pub for lunch and finished off with a walk along the river (the Great Ouse) so that she could have a run around. Took this photo of the cathedral - we don’t usually see it from this angle:

>126 SandDune: I have been meaning to visit Ely for ages. Maybe 2023. What a civilised bookshop that is Rhian. Were there any purchases?

>127 Caroline_McElwee: We did serious book purchasing! We bought some books for Jacob from his list (the main purpose of the trip),

then Mr SandDune bought these:
A God in Ruins Kate Atkinson
Alfred Hitchcock Peter Ackroyd
The Making of Oliver Cromwell Ronald Hutton

and I bought:
Taste: My Life through Food Stanley Tucci
Peel me a Lotus Charmaine Clift

Even Daisy was happy - she found a lot of people to make a fuss of her in the bookshop!

That sounds like a perfect day, Rhian. I love the Daisy-friendliness of it all and I also really like the bookshop's coffee service.

>123 SandDune: There is some good stuff on Jacob's list, Rhian, especially to my own taste his history stuff.

>128 SandDune: Peter Ackroyd is always readable and I always love to read anything about Cromwell. I have also toyed with adding the Stanley Tucci, Rhian.

Have a lovely weekend.

>126 SandDune: Lovely shop, and city, and day for it. Excellent!

>123 SandDune: *happy dance*

One suggestion to make to Jacob: consider Steve Brusatte's dinosaur/paleomammal books. He works in Edinburgh, but is an American, and has a very good authorial balance between information and fun.

>129 lauralkeet: It’s a lovely thing that bookshops are usually so dog friendly. I think I’ve only ever been to one bookshop that has refused Daisy entry.

>130 PaulCranswick: I’ve never seen the Stanley Tucci book before but it was sitting on the window seat when we were drinking our coffee, so I felt it was calling to me! Mr SandDune has a hard job holding on to his history books sometimes, as they tend to disappear into Jacob’s room, never to reappear …

>131 richardderus: I think he might have The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs by Steve Brusatte already. He had a huge dinosaur craze as a small child and never quite grew out of it.

>132 SandDune: He had a huge dinosaur craze as a small child and never quite grew out of it. Neither me, Rhian. I follow a YouTuber called Ben Thomas who's now a paleontology student as he learns about y'all's cool dinosaur history.

I'm glad about the Brusatte being in Jacob's collection. His newest one's about mammals and, while chalicotheres are The. Coolest. Creatures. EVER., I'm more into the dinos than even them.

Happy weekend-ahead's reads!

Lovely photos of Antwerp and of your day in Ely. Rhian. I wish you luck in getting your mum settled.

It’s got cold and frosty so it’s time for the Scottish gritters to be out:

https://scotgov.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=2de764a9303848ff...

My favourite names this year:

“I Came, I Thaw, I Conquered”
“Sweet Child O’Brine”
“The Great Grittish Flake-Off”

>135 SandDune: Love those gritters names Rhian.

>132 SandDune: There are some similarities clearly between Jacob and Kyran. Both are students of history and both had a childhood love of dinosaurs. I remember that he had a huge picture book filled with dinosaurs and he could name every single one at a very early age.

>135 SandDune: thumb

Freezing fog and very cold this morning on Daisy's walk, but it does make things look pretty:

>139 SandDune: Wow!!

>134 Familyhistorian: We have sorted out a placement near us now for Mum from 22nd December to 3rd January. Then she can come to us on Christmas Day, we will take her to see my sister on the 27th and we can celebrate her birthday on 30th. I do want her to have some days that she spends in the home though, so she can see what it might be like to live there.

>136 Caroline_McElwee: >138 humouress: They're great, aren't they?

>137 PaulCranswick: Jacob was exactly like that - he spent hours playing with his toy dinosaurs as a little kid.

>140 humouress: They are forecasting snow overnight tonight so it might be even prettier tomorrow! It's forecast to stay cold for another week and then warm up a bit for Christmas.

>141 SandDune: I'm glad to see you have a plan for your mum in the short term, Rhian.

Enjoy your wintry weather.

60. Mudlarking: Lost and Found on the River Thames Lara Maiklem ***1/2



A mudlark is a person who scavenges for debris in the mud of a river or harbour. And that is how Lara Meiklem spends her free time, scavenging the foreshore of the River Thames with an enthusiasm that borders on obsession. On the tidal reaches of the river (and the River Thames is tidal as far upstream as Teddington Lock to the west of London) low tide exposes the banks of mud and gravel where the detritus of centuries can be found, from Roman game tokens and pieces of tesserae, to medieval buckles and shoes, to glass bottles from the nineteenth century:

I peer between the bricks and stones, looking around them as much as I can without moving them: I'm in a protected area, and I mustn't disturb as much as a pebble in my search. Kneeling down helps. It's a worm's eye view that means I can look more closely into dips and crevices and underneath overhanging bits of rubble. I can also look across patches of sand for subtle contours that suggest something might be hidden just below the surface. This close up, the gravel is not just a grey-brown textured mass — every stone is different — and I scan it for anything that doesn't fit.

In Mudlarking, Lara Meiklem provides an account of her activities, looking at how and why the items she collects have ended up in the river, and how the river itself has changed since London was settled in Roman times.

I used to work in an office just west of London Bridge that looked straight down onto the Thames (depending on the tide my view was either a patch of mud or a little flock of ducks) so I was interested to find out what that mud might contain. And it is an interesting account, but I kept wanting to know more about the topics that are only touched on tangentially, and I just couldn't generate quite as much enthusiasm over her mudlarked finds as Lara clearly does. I wanted to know more about the geographical history of the Thames. For instance, it's mentioned that in Roman times the Thames was only tidal until London Bridge, but doesn't really explain why. And I'd I have loved some maps showing how the river had changed over the centuries: as Lara points out, in Roman times the river used to be much wider and a visualisation of this would have been great.

A reasonable read, but a little bit anecdotal for my tastes.

>144 SandDune: It sounds more like my cuppa than yours, though I too would like to see some maps. Because, well, maps. They make everything better, do maps.

>139 SandDune: Gorgeous frosty foggy world. Like something Vermeer should paint.

>139 SandDune: The snow caught up with us, behind my back while I was watching Strictly. Due to continue to 9am apparently. Probably won't melt for another day. Visited South London today and was colder and foggier than East.

And it’s been snowing. Might not look much, but this is actually quite a lot of snow for us:


Most schools are closed, but Mr SandDune’s is a boarding school so he has to go in. It’s forecast to stay cold until the end of the week, so the snow is probably going to stick around for a few days.

>145 richardderus: I can still remember a car journey back to university when I was a teenager. It had been snowing a lot a few days previously and then there was a freezing fog that coated everything with ice. So beautiful!

>146 Caroline_McElwee: Here it wasn’t supposed to snow until the early hours of the morning, but it started about 8-9pm. Caught out a lot of local motorists, apparently.

>147 SandDune: Wow, that's quite a lot of snow for your part of the world. We've also had a snowy weekend so the world is looking lovely ass covered in white - just how it should look!
As someone more used to snow it always amuses me that British schools close because of it.

>149 PawsforThought: I always find it funny when it’s depicted as snowing in British films, and everyone goes about their normal business. In my experience …that … does … not … happen, certainly not in South-East England. When I worked in the City, it didn’t take more than 5 minutes of snow for a conversation along the lines of ‘Should we go home early?’ to start!

>150 SandDune: Oh, yeah. When I lived in London there was a "winter storm" which caused temperatures of -5 and about 5-10 cm of snow. The entire city was at a standstill and one local school was closed because the heating system had frozen!

>151 PawsforThought: Well to be fair -5°C is very cold here! The coldest I’ve ever encountered where we live now is -10°C and that was exceptional (and in the middle of the night). I don’t really remember it getting much below -5°C apart from that.

>152 SandDune: It was just the hilarity of a heating system freezing that got to me.

We had snow here, too, in the NYC area, but not as much as you!

On Instagram I follow the man who is in charge of the ravens at the Tower of London and he posted some gorgeous photos of the snowfall there.

I hope you stay toasty, Rhian!

Note to Self 1: the YouTube video I saw about getting the seeds out of a pomegranate by cutting it in half and then bashing each half hard with a wooden spoon is a great idea and much better way of getting the seeds out.

Note to Self 2: it didn’t mention that it would cover half the kitchen in pomegranate juice! Maybe cover it with a tea towel next time.

"Mr SandDune has a hard job holding on to his history books sometimes, as they tend to disappear into Jacob’s room, never to reappear …" Not the worst problem a parent could have...

Congratulations on finding a good facility for your Mum to try out. It's a big life change, giving up private accommodations for a "community" lifestyle. I hope it all goes well over the holiday.

The last winter I was in Austin it snowed like crazy, and I was completely disgusted by the looneytunes antics of the drivers! Acting like it was nothing was foolish, equally dumb was crawling along at 5mph on the bridges and roads!


A Londoner on #Bookstodon posted this today!

>157 laytonwoman3rd: We shall see - I think it might still all go horribly wrong!

>158 richardderus: Lovely picture! To be honest - I’m a very nervous driver in snow and ice. I just tried to avoid it as much as possible.

Went out to post some letters this morning - and I think that's all the walk poor Daisy's going to get. While the snow has gone away on the busier roads (not on our road yet) it hasn't gone away at all on the pavements and is now more compacted and more much more slippery. I had several events on this week: how many of them I'm actually going to go to I don't know.

Your snow looks pretty and pristine, Rhian. I hope it disappears before you miss too many events.

>161 Familyhistorian: We've still got a reasonable amount of snow - the temperature hasn't really climbed above freezing all week - but it's due to get a lot warmer on Sunday and Monday before dropping again so I expect it will all melt then. I haven't been going out much, so it has allowed me to get all my Christmas packing done.

We had our book club on Wednesday to discuss Mudlarking. The person who chose the book actually has a Mudlarking licence and she showed off some of her finds, but it didn't inspire me to have a go. Now if someone offered me an afternoon looking at the mud and seeing what animals lived in it, I'd probably take them up on it, but broken bits of old clay pipe don't really do it for me! Overall, most people were rather more enthusiastic about the book then I was. Our next book won't be until February and is Persepolis (I think).

>162 SandDune: Glad the book was a hit with some of your members, Rhian. Your comments about the book reminded me of a visit to the Museum of London: they (have? used to have?) a permanent exhibition which included geology stuff. With your former work being near it, I wondered if you thought this book added much to that? I have wondered about picking this book up too. Maybe from the library instead though.

Lovely to read that you have Xmas plans set up for your mum. Sounds like a great solution. I'm not a fan of Baileys but I could see a G&T being attractive when I have to eat with a community of people everyday.

And I loved the photo of Ely Cathedral. As a kid my (primary) school sang there. They were redoing the roof at the time, so I think it must have been even colder than usual.

>163 charl08: I wondered if you thought this book added much to that? It didn't add much to my prior knowledge on that subject, although whether I'd picked that up from the Museum of London or elsewhere I'm not sure. I haven't been there for quite a long time, certainly not since Jacob was little. Apparently the Museum of London is now closed for redevelopment and is going to be opening somewhere near Smithfield in a few years time.

I'm not a fan of Baileys Nor me! I can't stand the stuff! Any sort of creamy alcohol drinks are a complete no-no in my opinion.

Ely Cathedral is lovely isn't it. I do want to climb the tower at some stage. Mr SanDune and Jacob have been up there but I chickened out as I'm not great with heights. But since then I've been to the top of Salisbury Cathedral and I think if I could manage that, I could manage Ely.

>164 SandDune: It's not like I ever drank a lot of it, but I *did* enjoy a shot of Bailey's in my coffee at Xmas. Mozart was the one that I could not even gag down to be sociable. But then I don't like chocolate.

I don't think I'd enjoy mudlarking...Time Team did a few riparian episodes and I was always anxious during them, mentally urging the archaeologists to hurry hurry hurry before they drowned. Which they clearly hadn't. But tell that to my subconscious...anyway, squishing around in smelly mud is not my own idea of a good time.

61. West Carys Davies *****



In the early years of the nineteenth century Cyrus Bellman leaves his farm and his daughter in Pennsylvania to head west. He wears his thick woollen coat and his brand new stovepipe hat (all the better to impress any Native Americans he might encounter). As trade goods he takes his dead wife's blouse, her steel knitting needles, her copper thimble and a tin trunk full of beads - objects are important in this book. All because after reading a newspaper account of the discovery of the bones of massive and unknown creatures in a Kentucky bog, Bellman's mind will not let go of the conviction that the creatures must be alive somewhere in the relatively unexplored West, and he is determined to find them. Perhaps not such a strange conviction in an age when the idea of extinction itself was relatively new.

The giant beasts drifted across his mind like the vast creature-shaped clouds he saw when he stood in the yard behind the house and tipped his head up to the sky. When he closed his eyes, they moved behind the lids in the darkness, slowly, silently, as if through water—they walked and they drifted, pictures continually blooming in his imagination and then vanishing into the blackness beyond it, where he could not grasp them, the only thing left in his head the thought of them being alive and perambulating out there in the unknown, out there in the west beyond the United States in some kind of wilderness of rivers and trees and plains and mountains and there to behold with your own two eyes if you could just get yourself out there and find them.

The novel alternates from the viewpoints of Cyrus and his guide (an unfortunately named Shawnee boy called Old Woman From a Distance) in the West and Cyrus's ten year old daughter Bess who has been left behind with her Aunt Julie in Pennsylvania. Each of these three characters tries to make sense of the world in which they find themselves, with Bess facing dangers at home no less real than those faced by her father.

Carys Matthews won thé Wales Book of the Year Fiction Award in 2019 and was a worthy winner in my opinion. (I don't know why L.T. seems to think she is Australian - it doesn't mention anything about Australia on her own website.) With sparse prose and each word carefully placed, this short book – more of a novella rather than a novel – is beautifully written and lays bare the unexpressed emotions of Bess and her father.

Highly recommended.

>165 richardderus: I'd never heard of Mozart. I was about to say I don't think we get it here but I looked it up and apparently it is available. But I agree with you – it looks disgusting – and I do like chocolate!

>154 katiekrug: >155 MickyFine: Sorry, I didn't say hello!



This is the last pretty snow picture for a while as we're expecting a big melt over the next couple of days. I took this one this morning. The hoar frost had frozen onto our heron - as you can see there's still a fair amount of snow. Tomorrow it's supposed to get to a maximum of 5°C tomorrow (with rain) and then 13°C on Monday. Positively tropical! After that it's going back to maximum temperatures of about 7°C, which is about normal for the time of year.

Incidentally, our heron is made of an old fridge. We bought it in France last year. It's about life size, so it required some juggling to fit it in!

>166 SandDune: This sounds wonderful. I will add it to my 2023 list. I am glad you got to enjoy snow briefly.

>166 SandDune: It reminded me slightly of Claire Keegan in its writing style, although not in its subject matter.

One thing I would say, I’d you are thinking of reading this book do not read the New York Times review. Why do reviewers think it’s acceptable to say exactly what’s going to happen in the last few pages of the book in their review? And why do newspapers think it’s acceptable to print that?

>166 SandDune: I definitely wasn't in the mood for what West offered when I read it.

>166 SandDune: - I read that one a few years ago and absolutely loved it! Glad it found another fan in you.

>171 quondame: Oh that’s a shame. I really enjoyed it.

I've just found Paul Cranswick's planning thread for an Africa challenge next year so I've been doing a bit of planning of my own.

These are African books that I have read already:

Algeria:
The Plague Albert Camus

Ghana:
The Hundred Wells of Salaga Ayesha Harruna Attah

Nigeria:
Americanah Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
The Thing Around your Neck Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
My Sister, the Serial Killer Oyinkan Braithwaite
Welcome to Lagos Chibundu Onuzo
Things Fall Apart Chinua Achebe
Anthills of the Savannah Chinua Achebe
The Famished Road Ben Okri

Sierra Leone:
The Hired Man Aminatta Forna

Somalia:
The Fortune Men Nadifa Mohamed

South Africa:
The Other Side of Truth Beverley Naidoo
The Promise Damon Galgut
Cry, the Beloved Country Alan Paton
July’s People Nadine Gordimer
Disgrace J.M.Coetzee

Zimbabwe:
Nervous Conditions Tsitsi Dangarembga
The Fifth Child Doris Lessing
This was the Old Chief’s Country Doris Lessing

And these are ones that I've found around the house that I haven't yet read.

Algeria:
The Outsider Albert Camus

Burundi:
Small Country Gaël Faye

Egypt:
Bird Summons Leila Aboulela
Palace Walk Naguib Mahfouz
Woman at Point Zero Nawal el Saadawi

Ethiopia:
The Wife’s Tale: A Personal History Aida Edemariam

Libya:
In the Country of Men Hisham Matar

Nigeria:
Purple Hibiscus Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Half of a Yellow Sun Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Rosewater Tade Thompson
The Fishermen Chigozie Obioma
Like a Mule Bringing Ice Cream to the Sun Sarah Manyika

South Africa:
Rumours of Rain Andre Brink
In a Strange Room Damon Galgut
The Shining Girls Lauren Beukes

Zimbabwe:
The Book of Memory Petina Gappah

>168 SandDune: :-( just that white square...

I send all good wishes for a warm and peaceful holiday!

>175 Caroline_McElwee: All the snow has melted overnight. It started raining yesterday afternoon and the temperature had gone up by about 12°C since yesterday, so it disappeared very quickly in the end.

>176 Whisper1: What lovely pictures you find Linda. I hope you have a lovely Christmas as well.

And now as a result of the thaw – we have no water. Our water company says “We've had multiple bursts on our network in your area due to the sudden temperature change which has caused pipes to thaw quickly following the recent cold snap.” I don’t quite follow the logic of that – I mean pipes aren’t supposed to freeze in the first place. Mr SandDune has been sent out to buy some bottles.

>178 SandDune: oh no! I'm sorry to hear that, Rhian. Their rationale sounds a bit like a "wrong kind of leaves on the line" excuse, but what do I know. I hope service is restored soon.

>178 SandDune: Nightmare. Hope they can fix it quickly.

From your list of Africa reads to come (or at least, those I've read) - I really liked Woman at Point Zero - just eye opening.
The Wife’s Tale: A Personal History I have 4.5 stars (keen on women's history like this). Purple Hibiscus is one of my favourite books.

I preferred Zoo City to The Shining Girls. Liked the The Book of Memory so much I went and sought out Petina Gappah's other books, can recommend those too if you like this one (if you've not read them already?)

>178 SandDune: So frustrating Rhian. Nice that the temperature has risen a bit though.

Sorry to see that the cold and then thaw did in the water pipes, Rhian. Nice to see that your temperatures have risen. Ours have fallen and we now have snow, not that we are able to cope with it any better than you are there. We're more used to snow with rain following that washes it away.

>178 SandDune: This sounds pretty familiar, Rhian. Here in Canada, we typically refer to these as water main breaks. As our power and water provider describes it: "Extreme temperature fluctuations in the winter and spring are a leading cause of water outages. As the ground freezes and thaws several times, it can shift the earth and cause water mains to break."

>179 lauralkeet: >180 charl08: >181 Caroline_McElwee: >182 Familyhistorian: >183 MickyFine: Well, the water is back on again this morning, thank goodness. We weren’t too badly off as we have a cold water tank in the loft and a hot water cylinder, just no mains water. Luckily, we went out for a meal at a friend’s house yesterday evening and they had water. It was very random as to who had water and who didn’t. Most people in our town seemed not to have water, across all areas of the town, which is about 40,000 people, and then some houses did have water. No logic.

This isn’t a frequent occurrence, thank goodness. In fact, I don’t remember ever having the water go off for more than an hour or so before, and that only very rarely.

>183 MickyFine: I’ve now found more explanation on our water company’s website. ’This is because changes in temperature cause the ground to move and pipes will also expand and contract. Weak sections of the pipes are then put under more pressure, which causes them to fracture and burst.’ I was quite confused initially as to why the sudden thaw had an impact at all. I was thinking that water mains wouldn’t freeze (because they are underground and the water is moving) and although individual pipes might freeze in people’s houses then I didn’t think that would have sufficient impact to cause major problems across the whole town.

And the water’s gone off again!

>185 SandDune: I hope it comes back soon, Rhian!

>186 MickyFine: No water since this morning. We had some bottled water left over from what we bought yesterday and the water company distributed 24 litres this afternoon. Luckily, the water tank in the loft and the hot water tank will have refilled this morning in the brief period in which it came back on.

No update from the water company as to when it's likely to be fixed.

And we have water again since about 10.30pm last night. Still some people in the town without though.

>188 SandDune: This is a bloody nightmare of a winter! I'm so sorry.

I wrote eleven book reviews for my new thread today. I'm exhausted.

Such a stressful couple of days! We travelled down to South Wales yesterday in order to bring my mother up here to stay in a care home for two weeks over Christmas. The idea was that she spends some time there to see if she would be happy to move there permanently, then she could come to us on Christmas Day, we could take her to my sisters on 27th and we could all meet up to celebrate her birthday on 30th. And I am intending to visit for coffee as well. BUT I didn't want her to come here all day and every day as I do want her to get a feel for actually living in the home.

When we arrived in Porthcawl yesterday we discovered that she has deteriorated further than when we last saw her a month ago. She is now carrying a small brass clock around with her and explained that her father carried it throughout WWI and her brother throughout WW2. The trouble is it is a battery operated clock probably dating from the 1970s. It's heartbreaking to see how quickly she is deteriorating.

When we arrived at the home she initially completely refused to go in, wanting to come to our house instead and insisting that she could manage the stairs. (She can barely manage to get into the car from her walker). She then wanted to go home, and when we said that we would not take her, she wanted to go on the train instead, which is utterly impossible. And then she again refused to go inside unless her room was on the ground floor (we've discussed many times that there would be a lift - which she does not like - but she would never have to go in it alone). And once we'd got her in her room she then refused to stay for the amount of time that we'd arranged (which she will have to).

When we got home eventually I had to have a very large gin and tonic. I honestly believe than moving into a home will be the best thing for her, and we are trying to do our best. And this home is one of the best that we can find. But it is a battle all the way. I only hope that she will be prepared to engage slightly with the people around her and not just stay in her room all the time.

>189 richardderus: Well apparently we weren't the worse hit. About 6000 properties in my town had no water at the height of the stoppage, and about 200 still had no water yesterday. I suppose we ought to be grateful for getting the water back Tuesday evening!

>191 SandDune: Yes, practicing gratitude is always a good thing...some days it's just too hard, though...

>190 SandDune: ...like yesterday. Oh my goddesses. All the bad memories are right there! I empathize with these struggles. I'm so so sad with you that it's come to this.

So sad to hear all the struggles with your mum Rhian. I hope she settles down. I'm sure things feel very strange from her perspective, but its heart wringing for you to see her this way. Hugs.

Hi Rhian my dear, it must have been so sad to see that your mum had deteriorated further than when you last saw her, it is never good to see this, we had that with Karen's Dad.

I hope that she settles down at the home, knowing that you are quite near to her compared to before now.

I am so glad that you have got the water back on but feel sorry for the others that are still waiting to get water back on. Our daughter Amy has had no heating or hot water for nearly ten days as the boiler packed in. Try as she might, all plumbers she called were fully booked up so she contacted British Gas, they came out but found that they needed a part. Yesterday they contacted Andy and said they had the part and he had to press next to arrange when they would fit it but he had heard nothing by the time i left them at 2.30pm this afternoon.

I'm sorry your mum's condition has deteriorated further and that her move was such an ordeal. Like others, I've had similar experiences. Maintaining a good supply of gin was a wise move.

With every good wish of the season Rhian. I hope everything works out and you can enjoy some special time together.

God Jul, Rhian!

I'm sorry this is all so difficult for your mother, and therefore for you, Rhian. It's a heartbreaking state she's in, as so many of us know. Possibly harder on us than on them, in some cases, if they are a bit removed from reality. I wish you strength to deal with it moment by moment. There may be some benefit for your Mum from the experienced people at the care home. They have strategies to cope.

Happy Christmas from my Christmas gnome!

>192 richardderus: >193 Caroline_McElwee: >194 johnsimpson: >198 laytonwoman3rd: Thanks for the support. It's a difficult time. I think what makes it worse is that my relationship with my mother hasn't always been the easiest one. Even when she was younger and had all her faculties it has always been virtually impossible to work out what she wanted. She would never say, but was always ready to find fault if what was then provided wasn't what she wanted. The number of times that I've just wanted her to express a little bit of gratitude or appreciation when I, or someone else, have spent a lot of time or money to do something for her. But invariably, that didn't happen, and she then tended to complain about whatever wasn't 'quite right' instead. I realise that she can't help her actions now, and she doesn't really understand what is happening to her any more. And so then I'm feeling guilty as well at resenting some of the things that have happened in the past.

This stay was intended to be of a short duration. But I think she will only be able to return home for a very short period of time, if at all. The choices are between a care home near us and one in her current home, but it is definitely not feasible for her to live alone any more.

>200 SandDune: Rhian, my relationship with my mother was fraught as well and we were estranged when she began to decline. I did the "big girl" thing and took a more active role in her care and other arrangements, but my interactions with her were always stressful, and her previous negative behaviors were exacerbated in old age. All that to say, feeling resentment is normal.

I hope you are able to smoothly transition her from this 2-week stay to a permanent arrangement somewhere.

May you be well supplied with water and other necessities over the holiday and good luck with your mother, Rhian!

So excited this morning. I popped to Tesco to pick up some last minute bits and pieces and to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy. They were struggling with my name (they always struggle with my name) and after explaining for the second time how it was spelt and that, yes, I had had a text to say the prescription was ready so it must be there somewhere, I got talking to the woman standing next to me who was having similar problems. Turned out that the woman (although originally local to where I live now) had lived for a long time in West Wales, her sons were Welsh speaking and she herself had been a Welsh tutor in Aberystwyth. So we had little conversation in Welsh in the pharmacy queue in the middle of England. It really made my day!

>196 Caroline_McElwee: >197 tiffin: Happy Christmas Both!

>198 laytonwoman3rd: I was impressed with the team leader when we went in. She certainly did her best to encourage my Mum. I just hope that my Mum doesn't stay in her room all the time.

>201 lauralkeet: Thanks Laura! I know I'm doing what I think is best for her. I'm just going to have to get rid of the guilt!

>202 quondame: Thanks Susan.

Hi Rhian!

>123 SandDune: Jacob’s list is impressive. Good for you and good for him.

>147 SandDune: That would be a lot of snow for us, too. I.want.snow.

>190 SandDune: I’m so sorry you had such a stressful time getting your mum into the care facility. So very sad about how much more she’s deteriorated, too. A large G&T definitely sounded necessary.

>200 SandDune: Getting her into the care facility, even if you end up moving her to another one is at least the first step.

>204 SandDune: I hope your mum does take advantage of what’s in the facility. I was shocked when Bill’s mother basically shut down when she got an apartment in a retirement community. She almost completely stopped socializing, moved to assisted living quickly, then to 24/7 for the final years of her life.

>199 SandDune: That's such a cool gnome, Rhian! Nice job on it :)

Hi Rhian! I'm catching up on a few threads. I'm sorry to hear about your mum but it does sound like you're doing the best you can in the situation. And the pipes bursting isn't fun. I have vague memories of when I was growing up in Nigeria of having to fill the bath and various large containers and living with that as our water source for a few days. But at least we had enough notice to do so.

Wishing you and yours a happy holiday season.

Have a wonderful holiday with your family, Rhian.

Merry Christmas

>200 SandDune: >201 lauralkeet: Hugs to both of you, if they'd be appreciated. Fraught relationships with declining parents are so hard. My parents are dead now, and have been for some years, but my sisters and I are still processing feelings and memories, particularly those involving the one we all had trouble with. Fortunately the intensity and frequency of that processing has declined over time.

>211 ArlieS: It's very kind of you to include me in those lovely sentiments. My parents both passed away in 2016, so I've had time to process things both alone and with my brother. You're right about it declining over time. Rhian's comments struck a chord. It's comforting to me to know I'm not the only one, and I shared my story in hopes it was helpful for Rhian too.

Back to you, Rhian. :)

It's no comfort at all right now, but I can swear on any sacred relic you care to require that...miserable as it was then...I've never, ever thought "well, that was a waste of time" about my mother's last days under my care. It wasn't easy but it has given me a lot of peaceful closure on what was a deeply dysfunctional relationship.

Malaysia's branch of the 75er's wishes you and yours a happy holiday season, Rhian.

>200 SandDune: Keep your chin up dear lady. I have lost a mother and a mother in law in a little over a year and loved both of them dearly. The coming times will most probably be tough ones but my advice is to cherish them as they will bring you a closeness and comfort you won't imagine possible.

>205 karenmarie: >206 bell7: >207 humouress: >208 dannybowman3: >209 msf59: >210 johnsimpson: >211 ArlieS: >212 lauralkeet: >213 richardderus: >214 PaulCranswick: Thanks for the support everyone. My mother came to us on Christmas Day and then we took her to my sister's house the day after Boxing Day, and seeing her over this time period has precipitated some decisions about her future. She has become so frail and needs such a lot of assistance physically that the idea of taking her back home and just leaving her there seems ludicrous. Her short term memory is now virtually non-existent and she is so confused about pretty much everything, and getting distressed about what she doesn't understand.

So we decided that she needs to stay in a care home near us rather than going home. Unfortunately, we won't be able to have a rationale conversation with her about this. She didn't make her wishes known when she did have the capacity to make the decision herself, so we will just have to go with what seems best to us. She can stay in her current home for at least a few weeks to give us a little time to move forward.

I think it was good that my sister saw her over this time as well, as she has been resistant to accepting my mother's dementia, but it was so obvious that we are both in agreement over the way forward.

That sounds like progress, Rhian, although I'm sure it continues to be stressful and emotionally draining. Working together with your sister will help tremendously.

I'm very sorry to read about your mother's more rapid deterioration, Rhian. It must be a huge relief that your sister is in agreement with you on her need for residential care, and I pray that your mother is able to adapt to her new setting without too much difficulty.

>215 SandDune: Glad some clarity and mutual understanding has come out of the Christmas break Rhian. I hope you are able to find a suitable place for her, convenient to everyone, soon. The start of the new year for you all is going to be trickier than you would wish.

63. Aberystwyth, Mon Amour Malcolm Pryce ***1/2



Louie Knight is a private investigator in Aberystwyth, a smallish town in West Wales. Except that this isn't quite the Aberystwyth that we know and love today. It's a darker Aberystwyth where the local mobsters are controlled by the even more fearsome druids, who have long ago eschewed their white Eisteddfod robes for sharp suits from Swansea.

'I spent the years before the deluge operating out of an office on Canticke Street, above the Orthopaedic Boot Shop. And you know what that means : take two left turns and you were on the Old Prom. That was where it all happened: the bars, the dives, the gambling dens, the 24-hour Whelk Stall, and Sospan's ice-cream kiosk. That's where the tea-cosy shops were, the ones that never sold tea-cosies; and the toffee-apple dens, the ones that never sold toffee. And that was where those latter day Canutes, the ladies from the Sweet Jesus League, had their stall.'

When local femme fatale Myfanwy Montez arrives at Louie's office searching for an answer as to why her cousin, Evans the Boot, has disappeared, he's initially not keen to take the case. After all, Evans the Boot is known to be mixed up with the sort of people that it's not healthy to be involved with. But Myfanwy's charms work their magic and Louie soon finds himself in over his head. Why have other school boys been disappearing. And what exactly is the Druid Grand Wizard, Lovespoon, planning ...

This was great fun. I found it even more fun because it reminded me of home. Not my home town as it is now, but as it was when I was a teenager in the seventies: the pubs, the bars, the nightclubs, the bingo, the ice cream sellers (my Dad's best friend was an Italian ice cream seller – although never so down-market as to sell from a stall on the prom), the donkeys (who used to trot past my school every morning on the way to the beach) and the people running the fairground. If you wrote a similar book about my home town in the seventies it might end up as very much like this one .

I'll definitely read the next book in the series. Recommended for lovers of Jasper Fforde.

>216 lauralkeet: >217 kidzdoc: >218 Caroline_McElwee: Thank you for the good wishes everyone. It is my mother's 101st birthday today but to be honest she is really not getting any pleasure out of life any more. Any desire that I might have once had to live to be 100 has pretty much evaporated, seeing the reality. We are going to see her later on - we were originally thinking of taking her out to tea, but the outings that we have had so far have been pretty stressful and she has wanted to know what time we are leaving pretty much as soon as we have got somewhere. And it is a horrible wet day as well. So we are just going to have a cup of tea with her in the home.

>220 SandDune: "So we are just going to have a cup of tea with her in the home." That's a good idea, Rhian. Simplest is best at this point. I don't mind any amount of difficulty if it brings pleasure or joy, but there's no point in wearing everyone out for nothing.

>220 SandDune: Good idea, Rhian. I hope that your mother and your family have as pleasant a day as possible today.

>220 SandDune: I had forgotten your mum had got into three figures Rhian. I long ago decided that wasn't a goal for me. I agree tea in the home is the best option.

>219 SandDune: Sounds like a goodie. I find a little of Jasper FForde going a long way. But still will see if i can put my mitts on this one.

all good dishes for the new year, to you and yours R

>215 SandDune: {{{Rhian}}}

Hard as this is, the decision is fully and finally made and that is much more than half the struggle. Your sister's emotional response is still going to come but the practical decision is taken.

It's so very hard. I hope the coping mechanisms against stress will be effective all 2023 long.

61. Feet of Clay Terry Pratchett ***1/2



The third in the 'Night Watch' sequence of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. The Night Watch is expanding, but not everyone is happy about its new inclusive policy for new recruits. Do dwarves, werewolves, and trolls really belong in the Watch? And elsewhere a golem is running amok through the city of Ankh-Morpork and someone is attempting to poison the patrician Lord Vetinari to replace him with a new king – a very unexpected new king indeed. But Captain Vimes has decided views about royalty:

'Royalty was like dandelions. No matter how many heads you chopped off, the roots were still underground, waiting to spring up again.

It seemed to be a chronic disease. It was as if even the most intelligent person had this little blank spot in their heads where someone had written 'Kings. What a good idea.' Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees.'

More fun from Terry Pratchett.

>221 laytonwoman3rd: >222 kidzdoc: >223 Caroline_McElwee: >224 magicians_nephew: >225 richardderus: Thank you all! Turned out that going there was the best idea. She didn't get so confused or so tired and we were able to start to have the conversation about staying in the home. She does say that the carers there are all 'very nice' which is a start.

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's deterioration, Rhian. It sounds like you are doing the best you can for her. 101! That is amazing. Good luck and happy new year. I love your gnome.

>227 SandDune: Very glad to read this, Rhian. Sending my best wishes to your family as you navigate the next steps.

Took this photo back in 2018 when we went to see the New Year Fireworks in London.

>228 BLBera: >229 charl08: Happy New Year! I'm migrating over to my new thread now.

Happy new year, Rhian.

Look forward to another year of keeping up with you. Love to A & J. xx

Happy New Year to you too Paul!