State of the Onion by Julie Hyzy (reviewed by Samantha_kathy)
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1Samantha_kathy
I'm bringing in two reviews today, this is the first one. I was very behind with my reviews and got caught up today.
This review I'm a little unsure about, because there were two plots, the main one and an important subplot that were quite different, and I also commented on comments in reviews I read. So yeah, I'm afraid it ended up a little disjointed. So please, critique and let me know that you think.
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State of the Onion by Julie Hyzy (4 stars)
White House Assistant Chef Olivia ‘Ollie’ Paras has enough problems in her day to day life. Aside from working in the most important kitchen in the world, which is stressful enough on its own, she’s also in the running for the position of Executive Chef. Only Laurel Anne, a celebrity chef with whom Ollie has a less than pleasant past, is vying for the same position. If that’s not enough, Ollie gets thrown into a plot to assassinate the president when she takes out an intruder on the White House lawn. She’s the only one who knows how the assassin looks like and he is willing to kill her to protect his identity.
I thought the first half of the book was a bit slow paced. It’s not that there isn’t anything going on, but most of the problems are work related while the thriller aspect simmers on the backburner. But about half-way through the book the pace of the assassin plot picks up and from there it’s a race to the finish. While reading I began to suspect virtually everyone, becoming as paranoid as Ollie. In the end, I didn’t guess correctly who was the assassin, but he was on my short list of suspects. So the author did a good job of keeping the true identity hidden without taking all the fun out of guessing by coming up with someone completely left-field. I liked that.
One point I want to make is that a lot of reviews I’ve read have had something to say about Tom, Ollie’s secret service boyfriend. Most of them didn’t like how he was acting towards Ollie, especially in regards to her need to know more about what was going on with the threat to the President’s life. But I thought he was very realistic. Tom’s a guy who wants to leave a fairly stressful job at work and not take it home, who doesn’t like talking about it, even the few bits and pieces that aren’t classified, and who certainly won’t like talking about an active case considering he knows Ollie will always push for more. And I can totally get why he was absolutely furious with her for pushing it and thereby endangering her life.
All in all I thought it was a great book, and a very promising beginning to a new series. I loved the ending, where a lot of little things came together to create the situation that was the big finish for the main plot. Ollie vying for executive chef position with Laurel Anne was a nice subplot, although the ending to that is easy to guess. Still, it was a nice addition to the book, creating some added tension and comic relief here and there.
This review I'm a little unsure about, because there were two plots, the main one and an important subplot that were quite different, and I also commented on comments in reviews I read. So yeah, I'm afraid it ended up a little disjointed. So please, critique and let me know that you think.
********
State of the Onion by Julie Hyzy (4 stars)
White House Assistant Chef Olivia ‘Ollie’ Paras has enough problems in her day to day life. Aside from working in the most important kitchen in the world, which is stressful enough on its own, she’s also in the running for the position of Executive Chef. Only Laurel Anne, a celebrity chef with whom Ollie has a less than pleasant past, is vying for the same position. If that’s not enough, Ollie gets thrown into a plot to assassinate the president when she takes out an intruder on the White House lawn. She’s the only one who knows how the assassin looks like and he is willing to kill her to protect his identity.
I thought the first half of the book was a bit slow paced. It’s not that there isn’t anything going on, but most of the problems are work related while the thriller aspect simmers on the backburner. But about half-way through the book the pace of the assassin plot picks up and from there it’s a race to the finish. While reading I began to suspect virtually everyone, becoming as paranoid as Ollie. In the end, I didn’t guess correctly who was the assassin, but he was on my short list of suspects. So the author did a good job of keeping the true identity hidden without taking all the fun out of guessing by coming up with someone completely left-field. I liked that.
One point I want to make is that a lot of reviews I’ve read have had something to say about Tom, Ollie’s secret service boyfriend. Most of them didn’t like how he was acting towards Ollie, especially in regards to her need to know more about what was going on with the threat to the President’s life. But I thought he was very realistic. Tom’s a guy who wants to leave a fairly stressful job at work and not take it home, who doesn’t like talking about it, even the few bits and pieces that aren’t classified, and who certainly won’t like talking about an active case considering he knows Ollie will always push for more. And I can totally get why he was absolutely furious with her for pushing it and thereby endangering her life.
All in all I thought it was a great book, and a very promising beginning to a new series. I loved the ending, where a lot of little things came together to create the situation that was the big finish for the main plot. Ollie vying for executive chef position with Laurel Anne was a nice subplot, although the ending to that is easy to guess. Still, it was a nice addition to the book, creating some added tension and comic relief here and there.
2readafew
This sentence is funny starts out sounding like she's being forced to help assassinate the president.
If that’s not enough, Ollie gets thrown into a plot to assassinate the president when she takes out an intruder on the White House lawn.
small change.
She’s the only one who knowshow what the assassin looks like and he is willing to kill her to protect his identity.
If that’s not enough, Ollie gets thrown into a plot to assassinate the president when she takes out an intruder on the White House lawn.
small change.
She’s the only one who knows
3jseger9000
I agree with #2 on both points. You could change thrown into a plot into ensnared in a plot to provide clarity.
Here's a few more suggestions:
1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: The 'only' at the beginning of that sentence feels out of place and made me stumble as I read. You could cut it and still have all the same info.
2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: ...half-way through the book the pace of the assassin plot picks up... reads funny and is hard to follow. I think you could just move 'pace' a little bit, like so: ...half-way through the book the assassin plot picks up the pace...
Last thing I noticed is the last paragraph is a little weird. The beginning sounds like a summary of your review and then you hop back to discussing one more sub-plot. You could fix that by cutting the first sentence of the last paragraph and pasting it at the end (or making it a new final paragraph).
Here's a few more suggestions:
1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: The 'only' at the beginning of that sentence feels out of place and made me stumble as I read. You could cut it and still have all the same info.
2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: ...half-way through the book the pace of the assassin plot picks up... reads funny and is hard to follow. I think you could just move 'pace' a little bit, like so: ...half-way through the book the assassin plot picks up the pace...
Last thing I noticed is the last paragraph is a little weird. The beginning sounds like a summary of your review and then you hop back to discussing one more sub-plot. You could fix that by cutting the first sentence of the last paragraph and pasting it at the end (or making it a new final paragraph).
4Samantha_kathy
Thank you both for your comments. I made some changes in the first and last paragraph, and the small change in the 2nd one as suggested. How does this read:
********
State of the Onion by Julie Hyzy
White House Assistant Chef Olivia ‘Ollie’ Paras has enough problems in her day to day life. Aside from working in the most important kitchen in the world, which is stressful enough on its own, she’s also in the running for the position of Executive Chef. But Laurel Anne, a celebrity chef with whom Ollie has a less than pleasant past, is vying for the same position. If that’s not enough, Ollie gets ensnared into a plot to assassinate the president when Ollie takes out an intruder on the White House lawn. She’s the only one who knows what the assassin looks like and he is willing to kill her to protect his identity.
I thought the first half of the book was a bit slow paced. It’s not that there isn’t anything going on, but most of the problems are work related while the thriller aspect simmers on the backburner. But about half-way through the book the assassin plot picks up the pace and from there it’s a race to the finish. While reading I began to suspect virtually everyone, becoming as paranoid as Ollie. In the end, I didn’t guess correctly who was the assassin, but he was on my short list of suspects. So the author did a good job of keeping the true identity hidden without taking all the fun out of guessing by coming up with someone completely left-field. I liked that.
One point I want to make is that a lot of reviews I’ve read have had something to say about Tom, Ollie’s secret service boyfriend. Most of them didn’t like how he was acting towards Ollie, especially in regards to her need to know more about what was going on with the threat to the President’s life. But I thought he was very realistic. Tom’s a guy who wants to leave a fairly stressful job at work and not take it home, who doesn’t like talking about it, even the few bits and pieces that aren’t classified, and who certainly won’t like talking about an active case considering he knows Ollie will always push for more. And I can totally get why he was absolutely furious with her for pushing it and thereby endangering her life.
Ollie vying for executive chef position with Laurel Anne was a nice subplot, although the ending to that is easy to guess. Still, it was a nice addition to the book, creating some added tension and comic relief here and there. My favorite part of the book was the ending, where a lot of little things came together to create the situation that was the big finish for the main plot. All in all I thought it was a great book, and a very promising beginning to a new series.
********
State of the Onion by Julie Hyzy
White House Assistant Chef Olivia ‘Ollie’ Paras has enough problems in her day to day life. Aside from working in the most important kitchen in the world, which is stressful enough on its own, she’s also in the running for the position of Executive Chef. But Laurel Anne, a celebrity chef with whom Ollie has a less than pleasant past, is vying for the same position. If that’s not enough, Ollie gets ensnared into a plot to assassinate the president when Ollie takes out an intruder on the White House lawn. She’s the only one who knows what the assassin looks like and he is willing to kill her to protect his identity.
I thought the first half of the book was a bit slow paced. It’s not that there isn’t anything going on, but most of the problems are work related while the thriller aspect simmers on the backburner. But about half-way through the book the assassin plot picks up the pace and from there it’s a race to the finish. While reading I began to suspect virtually everyone, becoming as paranoid as Ollie. In the end, I didn’t guess correctly who was the assassin, but he was on my short list of suspects. So the author did a good job of keeping the true identity hidden without taking all the fun out of guessing by coming up with someone completely left-field. I liked that.
One point I want to make is that a lot of reviews I’ve read have had something to say about Tom, Ollie’s secret service boyfriend. Most of them didn’t like how he was acting towards Ollie, especially in regards to her need to know more about what was going on with the threat to the President’s life. But I thought he was very realistic. Tom’s a guy who wants to leave a fairly stressful job at work and not take it home, who doesn’t like talking about it, even the few bits and pieces that aren’t classified, and who certainly won’t like talking about an active case considering he knows Ollie will always push for more. And I can totally get why he was absolutely furious with her for pushing it and thereby endangering her life.
Ollie vying for executive chef position with Laurel Anne was a nice subplot, although the ending to that is easy to guess. Still, it was a nice addition to the book, creating some added tension and comic relief here and there. My favorite part of the book was the ending, where a lot of little things came together to create the situation that was the big finish for the main plot. All in all I thought it was a great book, and a very promising beginning to a new series.
5jseger9000
Reads much smoother to me. If you want one more thing: 1st paragraph, 4th sentence, you use 'Ollie' twice. I'd suggest changing the second use to 'she'.
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