Progeny by R T Kaelin (reviewed by readafew)

OK this one is a little rough and I plan to look at it again myself but any pointers to what needs work or what is missing please let me know.

Oh ya, I'll be interviewing this author in author chat in a couple weeks and everyone is invited.

ETA the (the sister) will be replaced by her name when I get a chance to look it up.

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Progeny is the debut novel of R.T. Kaelin and I have to say I was really impressed. This tome is a promising beginning of a great epic. Kaelin has done an excellent job in telling his story. I have to say the first 2 chapters were a little rough but once past those the story telling smooths out quite a bit and it really gets it’s legs. The story moves right along, but Kaelin takes the time to flesh it out and give the world and the characters depth. I got caught up and wanted to know what happens next? Not to mention wanting to know more and more about the world I was immersed into.

The story starts with a brother and sister racing to the lake on a hot day to cool off. On the way, (The sister) ‘senses’ something ‘blue’ so they approach the beach slowly only to witness Mages creating an incredible water monster, just before it is sent to drown and wash away their village. This starts them on a journey of justice and self discovery. Along the way they meet and collect individuals who need or want or can give help, and all of them are being pursued by an evil hell bent on destroying them all.

Overall, I would favorably compare his writing with Brandon Sanderson, Scott Lynch, (early) Robert Jordan and even a bit of David Eddings flavor mixed in. This is a large book at just shy of 700 pages. Kaelin expects he needs to cut it down some to get a national publisher to pick it up, but I think cutting more than 50 pages the story will start to lose some of it’s depth. I really enjoyed this book and my biggest disappointment is going to be waiting for the next installment.

In the fourth sentence of the first paragraph, I would drop I have to say. Same sentence, I think it could use a comma after 'rough'. I think 'story telling' should be one word and 'it's' should be 'its'.

I think the sixth sentence should end with a period rather than a question mark.

At the end, third paragraph, third sentence, I think 50 pages the story should be 50 pages from the story

Other than that, I like the rest of the review. There's probably a few changes that could be made here or there, but nothing jumps out at me right now.

ok incorporated your suggestions and made a few more changes. Any other things stick out now?

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Progeny is the debut novel of R.T. Kaelin and I have to say I was really impressed. This tome is a promising beginning of a great epic. Kaelin has done an excellent job in telling his story. The first 2 chapters were a little rough, but once past those the storytelling smooths out and it really gets its legs. The story moves right along, but Kaelin takes the time to flesh it out and give the world and the characters depth. I got caught up and wanted to know what happens next. Not to mention wanting to know more and more about the world I was immersed into.

The story starts with a brother and sister racing to the lake on a hot day to cool off. On the way, Kenders ‘senses’ something ‘blue’ so they approach the beach slowly only to witness Mages creating an incredible water monster, just before it is unleashed to drown and wash away their village. This starts them on a journey of justice and self discovery. Along the way they meet and collect individuals who need or want or can give help, and all of them are being pursued by an evil, hell bent on destroying them all.

Overall, I would favorably compare his writing with Brandon Sanderson, Scott Lynch, (early) Robert Jordan and even a bit of David Eddings flavor mixed in. This is a large book at just shy of 700 pages. Kaelin expects he needs to cut it down some to get a national publisher to pick it up, but I think cutting more than 50 pages would cause the story to lose some of it’s depth. I really enjoyed this book and my biggest disappointment is going to be waiting for the next installment.

A couple of little things:

In the last sentence, 2nd paragraph, I would remove the comma after "evil": on my first read, I found myself looking for the noun that "an evil, hell bent" was describing.

2nd last sentence, last paragraph: "it's depth" should be "its depth".

Nice work: clear and succinct.

Thanks for the catches.
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Progeny is the debut novel of R.T. Kaelin and I have to say I was really impressed. This tome is a promising beginning of a great epic. Kaelin has done an excellent job in telling his story. The first 2 chapters were a little rough, but once past those the storytelling smooths out and it really gets its legs. The story moves right along, but Kaelin takes the time to flesh it out and give the world and the characters depth. I got caught up and wanted to know what happens next. Not to mention wanting to know more and more about the world I was immersed into.

The story starts with Nikalys and Kenders, a brother and sister, racing to the lake on a hot day to cool off. On the way, Kenders ‘senses’ something ‘blue’ so they approach the beach slowly only to witness Mages creating an incredible water monster, just before it is unleashed to drown and wash away their village. This starts them on a journey of justice and self discovery. Along the way they meet and collect individuals who need or want or can give help, and all of them are being pursued by an evil hell bent on destroying them all.

Overall, I would favorably compare his writing with Brandon Sanderson, Scott Lynch, (early) Robert Jordan and even a bit of David Eddings flavor mixed in. This is a large book at just shy of 700 pages. Kaelin expects he needs to cut it down some to get a national publisher to pick it up, but I think cutting more than 50 pages would cause the story to lose some of its depth. I really enjoyed this book and my biggest disappointment is going to be waiting for the next installment.

I like it with the changes and see that you found the sister's name. One problem that introduces... If it weren't for your first post, I wouldn't know who Kenders is. Maybe change On the way, Kenders to On the way, the sister, Kenders...

K made a change but didn't repost. I changed the previous sentence instead does that work well?

That works. That guy sure does like his 'K's, doesn't he?

kind of looks that way doesn't it?

I'm interviewing RT about Progeny over in Author Chat now. Others interested are welcome! http://www.librarything.com/topic/107285