Candace Ganger

DNF at 45%

I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. My thoughts and opinions are my own. Any quotes I use are from an unpublished copy and may not reflect the finished product.

I understand that Naima is grieving, but that doesn't excuse her behavior. Her OCD and GAD (as mentioned in the synopsis) are aspects of her life that she struggles with, but her treatment of Nell was inexcusable. Nell has been in her life for nearly a decade, obviously trying to make a family with her stepdaughter, and Naima was intentionally hurtful and unaccepting. I know there are children that behave similarly in real life, but it was very frustrating to read about. Nell made an effort to learn Naima's quirks and preferences, trying to be there for her however she could, but Naima was cold and indifferent. I really disliked this aspect of the story, and the portrayal of their relationship.

"...or why I use sarcasm and blatant disgust for her as a means of coping with all the things I hate about myself. It has nothing to do with her. I decide this is the first thing I like about her—how she ignores the very real fact that I do, in fact, like her (but don’t you dare tell her)."

Naima's attitude in general left a lot to be desired. She was easily annoyed by others, and only ever thought about herself and what she wanted. She was intentionally cruel and hurtful, which made me unsympathetic to her feelings. I'm not sure why Dew was so fascinated by this grumpy girl that only cared about her own miseries, but he was determined to befriend her despite the snarls and cutting comments. Dew was endlessly kind and thoughtful, and he always managed to put himself in other people's shoes. He imagined how they must be feeling in this or that scenario, and he reacted accordingly. He was patient with Faith (his new sister), understanding that she needed to be shown love despite her outbursts. He noticed fear and pain where others saw anger and aggression. I thought Dew was a remarkable character, and enjoyed his relationship with his adoptive family. His mental flashbacks and remembered sayings really made him a unique and memorable character.

I was a little confused by Naima's family and their dynamics. Her dad would stay with his parents while she lived with Nell and Christian (her stepmother and stepbrother)? Did he just stay with them briefly before deployments? Occasionally when Naima talked about him, it was like he lived separately from her, even when he wasn't deployed. Maybe I misread something, or the ARC was missing a detail or two, but I often found myself wondering where everyone was when the past was reflected on or mentioned.

Even Naima's grandparents kept Nell at a distance. They were polite and civil when she was around, but it was clear everyone wanted her to leave so they could reform their "unit" without her. Nell was married to their son for seven years. She has gone above and beyond for Naima, yet she's still treated like an outsider. Naima's father is also to blame, since he purposefully kept Nell out of the loop, or secretly confessed to his daughter that his wife and stepson "wouldn't understand" something. He perpetuated the problem.

Hiccup (the dog) had cataracts and was deaf in one year, but he was also violent. He attacked people's legs and bit until he pierced the skin. This is not okay. It's really not okay when the dog is around children. Naima's grandparents should have been more responsible with the dog, but he's aggressive with others on multiple occasions.

I really liked that the author chose to tackle mental health and the realities of living with a mind that's not entirely your own. I don't know what it's like to feel compelled to do things a certain way, or a specific number of times, and I've never experienced social anxiety, or an inability to breathe in large crowds. I thought those aspects of the story were wonderfully written and explained; however, Naima was a difficult character to like. She's mean because she can get away with it, and people let her because it's easier than the alternative.


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This book might not be perfect, but that doesn't mean it isn't a special read. There are so many good, touching moments sprinkled throughout the story that I do recommend giving this one a look. The author managed to come up with something that felt unique in the YA genre.

Naima Rodriguez has anxiety issues, including OCD, and it's been difficult to keep things under control especially after the death of her father. Dew (yes, that's the name this teenage boy goes by) is also struggling as he has lost both of his parents. So with this horrible thing to have in common, when Naima and Dew meet they will become fast friends, right? Well not exactly. However, they might be able to help each other truly begin to process their grief.

I read an advance digital copy of this book so the published book could be different. but I loved how this one started with an Author's Note as it immediately made me feel invested in the story because it was such a personal one for the writer. I found it easier to connect with Naima rather than Dew and maybe some of the reason for that is I understood her better having dealt with some of the same OCD issues when I was her age. Even though my problems weren't at the same level as hers, I got where she was coming from. And I think that is one of the strengths of the book, as the writer pretty much laid it all out on the table for what it's like for someone suffering from anxiety issues. I also particularly loved the voicemail and unsent email sections of the book between Naima and her father. I thought it worked wonderfully in showing how Naima got to be where she is at in the present day.

Now the reason this wasn't quite a 5 star read for me is I did struggle a bit with Dew and at times during his part of the story I honestly felt bored. However, there were brief moments here and there that I thought were done quite well and by the end, I did think he was overall an asset to the story.

The book at times had a bit of a choppy flow, but I'm very glad I read it because it did get to me on a emotional level. Recommend reading if you are looking for a story that explores the topics of grief and anxiety issues.

Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for the opportunity to read an advance digital copy in exchange for an honest review!… (más)