Jamie Agee

This story has a good base for what could be a very engaging read. I would have liked to see the conflict explored, because what Jacob uncovers is a big deal for a relationship of any kind, especially a marriage. Even if it didn't negatively effect the relationship, exploring it would have lead to something with a bit more substance. It could even have added some erotic elements to this story. It was really just Jacob masturbating, which wasn't very erotic in the style it was told. The story is mainly telling, not showing.

There are inconsistencies in Jacob's character too. Even if in the later section (where Jacob discovers his wife's secret) he discovers something about himself as well, this doesn't match up to his reaction to an earlier scene involving his wife and her manager.

So overall, I could see this being rewritten into a very strong story. Just don't think it's at that point yet, especially for one listed as erotica.… (más)